Courage2Be: Therapeutic Coaching and Psychotherapy with Janine

18/08/2025

Having worked as a Play Therapist, Child Psychotherapist and Parent Coach, research like this validates the very essence of why I now serve parents in the way that I do.

🌱A child’s sense of security and safety starts with the environment we create for them as the caregiver.

Early on in my career, there were many times when the work in the therapy room with a child felt undone (often unknowingly) when they went back at home due to:

❗️The child’s lack of trust in their caregiver’s availability and responsiveness.

❗️A caregiver’s capacity to identify and respond to the child’s intentions and needs

❗️A caregivers degree of insight into themselves and their reactions to their child.

Part of my assessment, soon became focused on how willing parents were to work with me to support their child (whilst upholding the child’s confidentiality at all times)

This is not about blame!

Parenting is the hardest role out there in my book and it doesn’t come with a training manual. What is does come with is:

📚the values, conditions and messages handed down via cultural and societal norms

📚Our own secure or insecure attachment styles and how they play out in our relationships with ourselves and our children.

📚Our level of self-awareness and our capacity to take responsibility for our own self-leadership foundations, rather than living through the outdated versions and expectations of others.

📚 Our capacity to heal from our own lived experience so that coping and protecting strategies are not passed down to our kids.

This is about highlighting how generational trauma can unconsciously impact thoughts and behaviours that affect the attachments we build with our kids and the attachments they then go on to form for themselves.

Whilst I know that the therapeutic space was a safe haven for the young people I worked with…

I believe I serve them much better now by creating a safe haven for the insecure inner child that sits scared and abandoned within their caregiver.

Because repairing and developing a secure attached caregiver is at the heart of building secure and resilient young people.

Generational trauma isn’t necessarily Big Trauma. It could have been a succession of Little Trauma’s such as

🧸 Shame: “You stupid child”- “Stop being such a wimp”- “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.’

🧸 No encouragement of differentiation: Unable to express your own opinions or voice, conditioned to be good, fearful of conflict or saying the wrong thing, punished if you didn’t toe the line and be agreeable.

🧸 Control and over protection: If the world was viewed as a scary place by your caregivers then your autonomy to grow and make mistakes was perhaps limited.
Rigid or porous boundaries may have impacted your capacity to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

Little T’s will erode your confidence, sense of self and the capacity for securely attached relationships.

Follow me, if you’re interested in learning more about how generational trauma and your attachment style may be negatively impacting you and your relationships and what you can do about it.

Great Research Dr Robbie Duschinsky and Sarah Foster

Dr Robbie Duschinsky writes about the importance a recommended approach to attachment theory.

16/08/2025

I was going through old photo's the other day...

This was me 18 years ago. 🤯 Where does the time go!!

I can see love and pride as a mother to one of the best humans on the planet that I know. (I'm not sure if he would be happy with me posting his cute adorable face, hence the ballon for privacy.)

What stopped me in my tracks was the weight behind that slightly forced smile. I remember the heaviness of single parenthood and all the responsibility that came with it.

That smile is masking grief of loss, self-doubt, the overthinking, the not feeling good enough and the fears of the unknown. It was a poignant reflection and if I had, had that crystal ball, I would have loved to have been able to tell that younger version of me that YES, life was going to feel rocky and hard going for a while, but also:

🌱 With the right people around you, and your willingness to learn, self-confidence and belief will come.
🌱 Stay in your own lane - comparing yourself to other mums and milestones will only rob you of those precious moments with him.
🌱 You don't need to be perfect- perfection is an illusion - you just need to show up consistently and own it when you get it wrong (we all get it wrong at times) - mistakes are how we learn - accountability is how we truly connect and grow.
🌱 He needs to feel seen, heard, loved, understood and respected, he doesn't need the latest gadget you can't afford, even though he negotiates his case with emotional precision.
🌱 Carrying the guilt of his broken heart at his new living situation is the biggest barrier of all. You tried, you did your best, and it wasn't to be. He needs to feel secure in your acceptance of this new normal, so that he can begin to heal - guilt blocks acceptance and erodes the self-leadership necessary for you both to thrive.
🌱 Consistent boundaries are a must- They are at the heart of kindness and respect. (more on this to come)

Fast forward.... I think I figured it out because of the training I had around child development, communication, boundaries, authenticity, family systems and generational trauma - as well as the lived experience I gained working with parents, children and families, struggling in similar ways to me.

I would have loved a road map and support from someone who'd been there before, because parenting, co-parenting and partnering can be really hard, especially when tensions and blame run high and you're not on the same page regarding parenting style, communication and values.

Today I love being able to support and empower other parents with that roadmap, helping them.
✅ create solid self-leadership foundations that cement security and safety within themselves and their relationships
✅ break the cycles of generational trauma and lived trauma
✅ create a ripple effect of secure, resilient and confident young people.

I would love to know what pearls of wisdom about parenting, life or business you would share with your younger self, knowing what you know now?

15/08/2025

Have you ever felt so uncomfortable in your own skin that you wished the ground would just swallow you up? 🤢

That was my normal for years! - The shame of saying something wrong or disappointing someone and fears of being judged or disliked and simply just not fitting in....these narratives and feelings completely ran the show.

Honestly - That discomfort was like the 'Take a Chance' game on Crackerjack in the 80's (really showing my age here) the anticipation of waiting to be slimed or gunged with those excruciating feelings. Except slime is meant to be fun - (see the video link below for effect) 🤣

https://youtu.be/hnhJNWoNPX4?si=5nXRzp9pyp4n-Flk

Sadly, life was anything but fun. I couldn't access that free child part of me at all.

If you know that permanent gnawing discomfort in your body - the one thats always on high alert and only temporarily softens when you distract yourself-you know exactly what I'm talking about. Especially in social situations when the playback loop kicks in

🙈 Did I really say that?
🙈 Why did I do that?
🙈 Why would anyone be interested in talking to me?

Back then, I didn't know that generational patterns, old wounds, childhood conditioning and ADHD tendencies were shaping who I thought I was.

I thought my need to please others was kindness. Turns out is was self-abandonment.

I thought other parents had their shi*t together and I was just failing harder than most. They seemed to glide through sleepless nights, milestone pressures and the fear of 'getting it wrong,' whilst I was clinging to every Jo Frost 'Super Nanny' book going.

I was in survival mode-constantly trying to camouflage like a chameleon (being very agreeable to blend in) just to feel safe.

Fast forward to today, my purpose is helping parents and adults step out of that awful quagmire of gunge that keeps them stuck in the shame and negative feelings about themselves.

Because here's the the thing:
🚧Real change isn't just a mindset shift.
🚧 It's not just reading self-help books or understanding the psychology behind patterns.

🦋 It's about healing and regulating your nervous system, your felt sense and learning how your mind and body can work together - not against each other.

🦋 It's about curiosity, compassion and building self-leadership so you can stand in who you are without minimising or shrinking yourself to fit in.

So if you've read the books, done the coaching, tried the therapy and something still feels off - let's do something different.

🌟 Lets audit the foundations you're standing on
🌟 Lets uncover what's working and what isn't and then lets rebuild - Creating your Inner Master Blueprint so you can finally trust yourself, stand tall in your values and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Because the slime.... is always meant to fun! 🤣

👉🏻 Let me know below if you have ever felt uncomfortable in your own skin, where shame has really taken hold? How did you overcome it?....and

👉🏻 How would you describe that uncomfortable feeling?

Crackerjack, again.

14/08/2025

“If you’ve ever wondered… why on paper everything 'should' seem fine but deep down you're far from fine and actually you're quite exhausted from putting that smile on for the world…you’re not alone.”

Over the last 7 years as a Psychotherapist, Parent Mentor, and Self-Development Coach, I’ve supported thousands of people who felt stuck in the same frustrating cycles.

Cycles of…
🔄 Saying yes when they wanted to say no
🔄 Shutting down or overreacting in important moments
🔄 Sabotaging their own goals without knowing why
🔄 Living in fear of - *other peoples judgments, *disappointing others, *creating conflict, or *being rejected, disliked or betrayed.
🔄 Worrying about how these patterns may adversely be impacting their kids growth and development, because they know that much of what a child learns is through observation and experience.

Here’s what I’ve learned:
💡 These patterns aren’t about weakness or “not trying hard enough” — they’re often unconscious habits formed years ago, shaped by experiences, relationships, and often through generational patterns.

Where self help books and often therapy and coaching can fall short unfortunately, is not being able to ask the right questions and get deep in the trenches with you to help you access the depth of those unconscious beliefs, patterns and strategies and bring them into your conscious awareness, where effective work and permanent change can happen.

The balance in creating a space that offers autonomy, empowerment, and appropriate direction/ solution opportunities isn't easy, but it's absolutely possible and necessary for successful healing and change outcomes.

Often clients will tell me they're aware of the patterns that play out, but no matter how hard they try, they can't break the loop and change it, whether that's, reacting too quickly, comparing themselves, falling for the same kind of love interest, continuing with unhealthy habits, agreeing to things when really they would prefer not to, or they just don't feel good enough, which sadly carries a lot of guilt and shame.

The good news?
When we learn to recognise why these patterns exist and how to change them, we can finally…
✅ Respond instead of react
✅ Set boundaries without guilt
✅ Feel more connected to ourselves and others
✅ Create a new foundation of healthy values, beliefs and strategies that enable us to thrive.

In effect we close the gap between the version of you showing up now and the version of you that you would love to be if only you know how and what to do to get there.

So, I’m creating a self-development membership to help people do exactly this — step-by-step. In my experience, client's value this kind of framework, to reduce the level of overwhelm and anxiety that can come with deep self-development work and change.

Over the past 7 years I have been fine tuning a roadmap that helps clients evolve into the confident, empowered parent, adult and professional that they truly aspire to be. They learn how to get out of their own way and feel comfortable in their own skin, in their relationships and in their lives.

What ever your unique situation is, the starting point for me, always comes back to self leadership - defining and creating a new Inner master blueprint that finally aligns with your values, core beliefs and sense of self, rather than continuing to live unconsciously by someone else's.

So if you....

🚧 Feel lost anxious or unhappy and tend to lose yourself in relationships

🚧 Feel like you're falling behind or not measuring up at work or in life, compared to others.

🚧 Feel concerned about how your patterns are impacting your child's secure development and your relationship with them.

This membership is definitely for you.

I would love to share everything I’ve learned in a way that’s accessible to more people, especially with the current waiting times for therapy and the cost of therapy and coaching today. I truly believe that what I have to share can help massively.

But before I put it all together, I’d love to hear from YOU - I want this to be built with you, not just for you.

So, firstly, would you even be interested in a membership like this? and if you were to join a membership like this, what would make it a place that would create true value for you? ❤️

NB: Resources and regular small group lives, integrated to enrich course content and your growth, are a given. This membership will remain small due to the nature and support necessary to help you achieve the confidence, clarity and certainty you are wanting.

If you could join a space that helps you:

🌟 Understand yourself on a deeper level

🌟 Break free from old patterns and generational cycles

🌟 Create healthier, more confident ways of being and living

👉 What would you want included?

What kind of topics?
Mixed gendered groups or separate?
Mini live courses for accountability?
Journaling prompts?
Resources to support overcoming specific blocks?

Please comment below or DM me — your input is invaluable and will help me shape something truly transformative ❤️

19/05/2025

It's too easy to look across a crowded room or at your friends, colleagues or other parents and make the assumption that they are calm and have it all together.

It's too easy to put them on a pedestal, which tips the scales in their favour and you feel worthless or not good enough in comparison.

It's too easy to wonder why they are doing so well whilst you are on your knees, trying to make it seem like your gliding through life yet you're paddling like mad underneath the water to keep afloat.

These negative automatic thoughts rob you of your calm and evoke anxiety. These thought give your power away to others, even strangers who you may never see again.

The learning is in holding onto your own internal power of "I am enough, I am worthy, no matter what." The learning is being able to change the stories that are impacting your calm.

Worth isn't defined by a feeling. You were born worthy but an experience, an environment or an individual conditioned you to stop seeing yourself as enough or worthy. Just remember.........you are worthy regardless! xx

17/05/2025

How often do you say “yes” when you mean “no”?

How often do you shape your choices to avoid disappointing others — even when it costs you your peace?

The fact is, that when you prioritise others’ needs over your own values, your life starts to reflect their desires — not your truth.

Eventually, you wake up in a version of your life that doesn’t feel like it belongs to you.

I know this feeling only too well. I used to be that person to the point that I didn't feel at home in my own skin. I felt exhausted, I constantly worried whether people liked me or not and panicked at the thought of upsetting others in some way.

I found it hard to make my own decisions and choices for fear of judgement or rejection. This made parenting and leading a team difficult and caused much social anxiety, self doubt and a lack of confidence in who I was or what I stood for.

✨ People-pleasing can feel like love, care, or keeping the peace… until it becomes self-abandonment.

You don’t need to live by someone else’s design. You have permission to build a life that feels like home — rooted in your values, not others’ expectations.

The right foundations, (living by your own values) are key to building true connection and authentic wholehearted living.

It's a life changing transformational journey that I'm so grateful I took because it changed how I now get to relate to myself and others completely. What's more exciting is that I get to empower others to rewrite their own blueprints.

The facts are that:-

Your needs matter
Your voice matters
And, you're allowed to rewrite the blueprint.

Drop a 🏠 if you’re ready to reconnect to yourself and build a life that truly feels like a home. One you don't need to take a vacation from!

16/05/2025

Do you hold compassion as an important value and if so, how do you uphold and live by it?

Compassion is one of my core values, However, it wasn't until I explored this further that I realised that being internally violent towards myself, with an inner critic full of harsh self-judgements, mean's it's actually difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.

In other words, professing compassion as a core value has to start with self-compassion.

An enriched life depends on the moment-to-moment evaluations you make of yourself, which means learning how to replace that violence with compassion. It's therefore essential that you know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help you learn how to make choices that serve you.

Unfortunately, many of us have learned to evaluate ourselves through a lens of self-hatred rather than through curiosity and openness. Is it any wonder that if we're conditioned to view ourselves as not good enough, less than or full of short comings that we end up relating violently to ourselves?

💥 Can you recall a recent time that you did something, you wish you hadn't? How did you speak to yourself immediately afterwards? Often responses include "What's wrong with you" or "Well that was stupid" or "What an idiot."

Do you notice that the inner critic gets enmeshed in self-hatred judgements as though you have done something wrong that you need to feel ashamed of, rather than focusing on what can be learned from what just happened?

When change is motivated by a clear desire to enrich life for ourselves rather than than through the destruction of shame or guilt, then our growth is no longer guided by self-hatred.

Yet there is one violent word in the language we use that has enormous power to evoke shame and guilt that keeps us stuck and that's the word SHOULD.

"I should go to the gym", "I should have known better", "I shouldn't have done that."

If your inner critic's self-evaluation uses should or keeps talking about what you must/have to do, it's implying that you have no choice and therefore threatens your autonomy, and so resistance to change and joy is going to occur. Without the feeling of control over your choices, these un-serving patterns keep getting repeated, like when you're 3 months into a gym membership and you haven't managed to get there yet... ughhhhhhh.

So the first step in holding true to compassion is to 'avoid shoulding yourself.' If you can reframe your inner critic with a choice... I'm choosing to go to the gym today... then that's a true act of self-compassion and it's much more likely to happen.

What 'should's/musts/have to's do you want to drop from your vocabulary? Let me know in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts.

#

15/05/2025

Your brain & chemical response to anxiety is the same as if you were preparing to face an immediate danger. In this state, your rational thought is no longer online as your body is preparing to fight, flight or freeze.

If you can, focus on your breathing until you feel calm enough to zoom out and explore the bigger picture.

Here is a link to a free work sheet that will help you do this. DM me if you have any questions.

https://theinneressencementor.com/landing/thoughts-record-sheet

11/05/2025

If you're feeling stuck and overwhelmed you're certainly not alone.

It can be so hard to figure out why you feel lost, or what your sense of purpose is, or why you keep making the same mistakes, or how to get your point across or how to navigate difficult relationships or be a good parent..... the list goes on.

However, like I say to all of my clients, you don't need to have all the answers, you just need to trust the next step.... and when the next clients choose is to build trust in a coaching or therapeutic relationship with me, that's such a privilege & so humbling 💛 xx

29/10/2024

Incase you need to hear this today.💛

YOU'VE GOT THIS! but perhaps you just don't know it yet.

When you compare yourself, your life, your relationships or your parenting to others, you give so much of your power and focus away. It's an exhausting way to very quickly drain your battery and leave you feeling miserable. 😭

Without realising it, you're allowing other people (that sometimes don't even know you) to determine your value and your worth in that moment..... and yes that does completely suck if the gremlins start to take over with...

😈 You're being left behind
😈 You're useless at this
😈 You're not being a good enough friend or parent
😈 They deserve better
😈 Why can't you be more like them
😈 Why do they seem to have it all sorted
😈 People are gonna find out that you have no clue what you're doing.

Yuck 🤢 that's like being in a game of whack a mole and not even knowing it [I'm not an advocate of whacking any living creature by the way, but you get what I mean.]🤣

Every time you come up for air, there's another comparison and whack, the mallet hits you on the head again. 🤕

Yet, you have everything you need within you, to measure yourself by your own yard stick 📏 and not one that beats you up either.

Rather than holding yourself to other peoples choices or expectations, there is a skill to learning how to measure yourself against your own. Maybe, you're just not tapping into it right now, but you can learn to.

Yes....noting where other people are, or understanding their expectations of themselves or you can be really useful information for you, but like I said, not to beat yourself up with!

Allow comparison to help you determine and reflect on what you want for yourself, your life & your kids, and what you don't want, rather than let it rob you of your self-esteem or belief in yourself.

So, TIP 1 🤩 - is to put the mallet and the game away and take up swimming 🤣.

What I mean is, learn to stay in your own lane, like the pool lanes that are set out for gala's and adult lane swimming.

Focus on YOUR pace YOUR skills, YOUR techniques, YOUR needs, YOUR goals YOUR desires. Don't get tangled up with someone else in their lane because that never goes well (far too much chaos, splashing and the likelihood of a donk on the head or a foot in the face)and don't look up for too long to see how far in front they are either, because that's taking time away from you focusing your own race.

You're also a much better team player then in the relay race, when you've honed your own skills and decided if this is even the right team for you, than when you've not been focusing on your own stuff or on what you need, because you are so worried about how much better everyone else seems to be. [This doesn't serve you!!!! and it can be unlearned.] Holding yourself accountable to your own standards rather than to other people's is a skill you CAN learn.

TIP 2 🤩 - Learn the skills to set up your own yard stick. Use your own inner power and guidance system to measure yourself by. Hold yourself accountable to that, not to someone else's ideals! That's part of Thriving 101 in my book.

So, where are you right now? Are you still playing whack a mole or do you want to focus on your own lane but don't know where to start? Are you lost in the deep end? or are you gliding through that pool and winning at life? 💛

13/01/2024

I’ve learned recently that being new to social media marketing means it can be hard to figure out your message and find your authentic voice. 🎤

You can come on far too strong even though that’s coming from a place of passion and purpose of wanting to help people. 💜 Well, these are the reflections on my journey this week. 🙈

BUT......being vulnerable, curious, and reflective are an absolute necessity for growth.

I think when we are not afraid to go there, life and opportunities can open up in a beautiful way. 🦋.......I’m stretching my comfort zone by trying, if nothing else, and I’m in the arena rather than on the sidelines.

But the fear of showing up and being seen can hold us back in so many ways. I know it did for me and I’m so grateful that I learned how to overcome this and help others do the same.

Is there a part of you that fears showing up and being seen? Where it feels difficult to join in conversations or perhaps you compare yourself to others and feel you have little to contribute, or maybe you worry that you’re not good enough or what other people may think?

How often do you feel on the sidelines of life or purposely put yourself there because anxiety and low self-worth get in the way?
If you’re interested, I’ve just set up a new page The Courage2Be Collective and a private group for women called

✨Re-Discover Your Inner Spark.✨

It’s a safe space for women to explore conversations around fear, self-worth and whatever’s holding you back and keeping you on the sidelines. My aim is to make it a really valuable space of growth and community for you, with lots of free learning, so it would be lovely to see you in there. x

Much Love

Janine x