Kids Dot Calm

03/04/2026

April is World Autism Acceptance month.
I always have mixed feelings about this because, whilst it’s obviously vital that the rights of autistic people and the social, economic, health and educational obstacles that they encounter are recognised and highlighted, and that valuable funds are raised, I can’t help feeling that a bit of token social media activism isn’t enough. Without action, understanding, and a genuine, proactive interest in learning how to support autistic people and their families, all the trending hashtags and blue clothes in the world won’t change anything.

With this in mind, I wanted to share some valuable information about Autistic Burnout.
I don’t think there are many people by now who are not aware of Autism, but after 6 years of studying Child Psychology at University, 20 years of working with many neurodivergent children, not one lecturer or professional ever mentioned Autistic Burnout to me. I have now done extensive research, connected with other professionals and taken part in webinars and online chats with researchers and specialists who have a wealth of knowledge and experience. I feel that if I can raise awareness of one thing that could really make a difference this month, it should be this, because the ability to recognise and support a child in Autistic Burnout could save a life.

Dr Dora Raymaker describes autistic burnout as: “A state of pervasive exhaustion, loss of function, increase in autistic traits, and withdrawal from life that results from continuously expending more resources than one has in order to cope with activities and environments ill-suited to one’s abilities and needs”.

A dangerous combination of factors which may affect autistic children, not least the tendency of many to suppress their autistic traits in an attempt to blend into school and society, lead to the likelihood of that child being in a constant state of hyper arousal, which in turn leads to high levels of anxiety and eventually, nervous exhaustion. Throw in the loneliness, low self-esteem, or feelings of inadequacy and/or guilt which many autistic children experience, and over time, this can lead to an overwhelm and shutdown of the mind and body for all but critical functions, a metaphorical ‘hitting a brick wall’.

Sadly, most Autistic people experiencing an Autistic Burnout won’t understand what is happening to them or why, and will go through it with little or no support. It is not yet well understood or well researched- obviously there are many ethical issues with using children in research, especially when you add neurodivergence into the mix, and this all adds to the lack of knowledge and understanding.


Causes.

• Autistic children, especially girls, tend to become so good at ‘masking’, suppressing their autistic traits in an effort to make themselves fit in with the neurotypical world, and trying to please people. Eventually, the immense effort that goes in to trying to disguise their true feelings and struggles just becomes too much. One autistic adult who has experienced multiple Autistic Burnouts over many years describes it as a computer going into safe mode, running on limited function, with all services no longer available (Rose, K, 2018, An Autistic Burnout).

• Change- this can be good change or bad, but it can be just too much for an autistic child to cope with. Autistic Burnout can happen at any time, but tends to be more common at stages of transition such as moving to secondary school. The huge changes in our daily lives and routines over the past year mean that there has never been a more important time for us to recognise the additional pressures and strains on autistic children, and consider the possible consequences.

• Sensory or emotional overload- Many people would not even be aware of the huge daily stress that an autistic child with sensory sensitivity has to endure. Something as simple to the neurotypical world as getting dressed, can become in insurmountable feat when you feel like your clothes are burning your skin. The mental and emotional effort that it takes to cope with the huge sensory input of school all day every day, whilst trying to suppress feelings and behave and learn in a socially acceptable way, is bound to eventually take its toll.

• Demands and expectations- and there are so many. The expectations of school, mainstream secondary in particular, are massive. The expectation to sit still, face the front, “look at me when I’m talking to you”, read aloud, work with a partner, work in a group, manage transitions, deal with a noisy dining hall, people jostling in the corridors, the lights, the smells, and through all of this, autistic children likely to be flooded with anxiety and adrenalin, are often expected to conform and to learn and function on a day-to-day basis. It’s little wonder that parents of autistic children often report an ‘explosion’ once their child returns home from school, known as the ‘Cola effect’. This then feeds into a negative cycle, as school don’t see the problem so the expectations remain, and often, help is harder to access as school report a model, quiet, well behaved, hard-working pupil. On top of this, many schools operate behaviourist systems, where a child may get rewarded for their concentration, working well as a team, or for their excellent attendance. This can invalidate the experience and invisible mental efforts of an autistic child.

• Sleep deprivation and poor nutrition. This is often another one of those negative cycles. Food becomes one area of the child’s life that they can actually control, so avoidant or restrictive eating is common in Autistic Burnout, but this obviously impacts on the child’s strength and energy levels, stress may cause them to have a poor sleeping pattern, despite the fact that they may be exhausted, which in turn can play a big part in contributing to a burnout.

• Loneliness and low self-esteem. This may be due to non-acceptance, a negative self-identity due to feeling like they don’t fit in, or frustration at their neurotypical peers seemingly finding life easy.

This list is not exhaustive. There are many other causes, but these are the most prevalent.

So, what are the signs to look out for?

• School refusal. The most important thing to remember is that school ‘refusal’ in an autistic child in burnout is absolutely not a choice. It is a trauma response. They do not have the physical or mental resources to cope with the demands of school. They are effectively trying to hibernate to keep themselves safe. Their body and mind shuts down all but the most basic functions, and by forcing a child into school believing that they will be fine once they get there, we are not only invalidating their experience, but we also risk making the situation worse.

• Loss of executive functioning abilities. This includes for example, the working memory, decision making, planning, and organisational skills. This may show as a slowing down of thought processes, forgetfulness, brain fog, inability to think clearly, or rigid, narrow thinking.

• Loss of function. This may mean that day-to-day skills that a neurotypical person may take for granted such as getting dressed, going to school or even just getting out of bed, become near impossible.

• Lack of motivation or energy. Autistic Burnout has a similar presentation in some ways to depression, and if not recognised and responded to appropriately, burnout can actually lead to depression. The danger of failing to discriminate between the them according to Rose (2018), is that many people may be wrongly prescribed anti-depressants, referred for therapy or admitted to psychiatric care, when what they really need may simply be major sensory withdrawal or stimulation, rest, and acceptance and understanding.

• Some autistic children in burnout may regress or become more stereotypically ‘autistic’. They may lose their ability to mask or camouflage their autistic traits, or to conform to social expectations. There may be a reduction in verbal language and their ability to communicate.

• Lethargy and chronic exhaustion.

• Extreme overwhelm, and a decrease in ability to communicate or self-regulate.

• Increased sensory sensitivities, and/or increased meltdowns/overload.

• Increased incidents of self-injuring behaviours and/or restrictive or avoidant eating patterns. This could be in an attempt to regain some feeling of control over their lives.

• Intrusive thoughts or suicidal ideation. A study by Dr Kõlves et al (2021), explored suicidal behaviours of autistic people in Denmark. Their findings highlighted that autistic people are at 3 times greater risk of suic*de, or suic*de attempts than the neurotypical population. The reasons for this are multiple, but research suggests that suic*de attempts by autistic individuals during a burnout result from a need to escape from intensely overwhelming feelings that are difficult to understand, to remove themselves from their environment, rather than a wish to die. This emphasises the importance of parents, carers, and professionals being aware of the signs to look out for, and the appropriate response, as failure to do so can have devastating consequences.

Again, this list is not exhaustive, but if you consider these symptoms in a child, or a teenager who is experiencing significant hormonal changes, a growing self-awareness, friendship and social issues, and the ever increasing academic expectations, you can see why this could lead to overwhelm and, eventually total system shutdown.

Recovery.

It is possible to recover from Autistic Burnout, but if the demands don’t stop, the recovery will take longer. Some ways in which we can support recovery include:

• Reducing overall load, taking time out, decompression days, breaks. Even if this means days, weeks or more off school, sometimes withdrawal, with the removal of demands, is the only way to recover from Autistic Burnout.

• Sensory input, or a sensory break. This might mean wrapping the autistic child up in a blanket, shutting the blinds and keeping things as quiet as possible until they are able to build their physical and mental strength up again.

• Trauma informed approaches. The 5 core principles of trauma informed practice are safety, trustworthiness, choice, collaboration and empowerment. These are all vital to aid recovery. By dragging an autistic child in burnout, having a meltdown into school, we are abusing their trust in us, and failing to offer them safety and validation. The child will need to regain a sense of control, and this will be best achieved if they are offered ownership of their own experiences. I’m not suggesting this as an approach to school refusal in general, but it is so important that an Autistic child in burnout is allowed time to rest and recover in their safe place.

• A lot of the work I do is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and building emotional strength, but this is not recommended as an appropriate response to burnout. A child in Autistic Burnout doesn’t have the physical or mental resources to cope, so pushing them to endure situations which are torturous to them will never build emotional strength or encourage them to ‘push through’ their anxiety. The child’s thoughts and feelings need to be recognised and understood, not challenged or changed.

• Good communication and collaborative work between school and home if possible. Mainstream schools in particular may not be particularly sympathetic due to a lack of knowledge and understanding of Autistic Burnout. Many schools have a strong focus on academic attainment, and teachers are under intense pressure to meet targets and demonstrate pupils’ progress. This is in total contrast with the needs of an autistic child in a constant state of hyper-arousal, for whom demands and expectations must be removed. It seems to be widely accepted without question within our society that “school is best” and “you must go to school to get qualifications and be successful”, but I would strongly recommend a more open-minded approach to education. There are other options to be explored which may be more appropriate, and ultimately, as a lovely lady who presented one of the webinars I attended so rightly pointed out, “What good is a dead child with 8 GCSEs?” (Adkin, T. 2021). Sounds dramatic, but that is the reality, and that sentence really hit home for me.

• One of the most valuable things that can be done to support autistic children, and I think that this applies across the board, not just to those in burnout, is to allow them to ‘act autistic’, feel accepted as autistic, and for schools, services, professionals, and the neurotypical population to embrace neurodivergence and remove the stigma that still surrounds it. It is only by making reasonable adjustments, allowing them to ‘drop their mask’, and removing the pressure on neurodivergent children to feel that they need to function well, fit in, or blend in with their neurotypical peers, that we can be truly inclusive, validate their experiences, and remove the barriers that still exist to our neurodivergent children fulfilling healthy and happy lives.

Autism Acceptance month is not enough. We need an ongoing commitment to Autism Action.

28/08/2025

SUPPOTING CHILDREN WITH ADHD IN SECONDARY SCHOOL

Often the core ADHD symptoms can create frustrating challenges in the classroom environment, significantly affecting children’s ability to engage with structured learning. Some key areas of difficulty might be:

1. Inattention in the classroom: Issues with focus during lessons can cause children to miss instructions, fail to complete assignments, and struggle to grasp new concepts.
2. Hyperactivity and impulsivity: Restlessness and impulsive behaviours can cause disruption in the classroom environment, impacting the child’s and their classmates’ ability to concentrate.
3. Problems with organisation and time management can result in forgotten homework, challenges meeting deadlines and lost or incorrect equipment.
4. Social interactions: ADHD can affect a children’s social skills making it difficult to navigate friendships and group activities. This may lead to feelings of isolation, resentment or being misunderstood.
5. Despite their potential, children with ADHD may underachieve struggling to reach their academic goals due to the effect of ADHD symptoms on learning and performance.

Increased academic demands and emphasis on independent learning, greater responsibility and more complex social stressors alongside hormonal changes can lead to children feeling less able to manage their intensified ADHD symptoms.

You may also be dealing with your own emotions around your child starting secondary school and adjusting to the different approaches to communication from primary school and reduced direct contact with school staff… So how can you empower your child to succeed within a classroom environment?

Here are some effective ways to help your child succeed at school:

• Maintain regular communication: In general, supporting your child with ADHD in the school environment involves proactivity and engagement with teachers. This may take different forms once your child is in secondary school such as emailing rather than catching your child’s teacher in the playground at the end of the day but sharing information about your child’s strengths, challenges, and strategies that have been successful at in the past is key to supporting your child’s unique needs. Effective communication and teamwork leads to a shared understanding and consistent expectations.
• Identify classroom strategies and reasonable adjustments such as appropriate seating, minimised distractions, specialised equipment, consistent routines, visual aids, extra time for tasks or exams, modified tasks to support focus and organisation.
• Work with the school’s SENDCO to develop a support plan outlining specific strategies and adjustments that address your child’s challenges. This is particularly important as they will have several different teachers who probably won’t know individual children as well as teachers in primary school. A comprehensive plan ensures that all staff are aware of your child’s needs and how best to support them.
• On average it can take a child with ADHD 3 times as long to complete a task at home than at school. Consider the possibility of your child attending after-school homework sessions to complete homework with the support of a teacher in an environment with less distractions.
• Encourage independence by teaching organisation skills and time management. Planners or digital apps may be helpful.
• Celebrate your child’s achievements, both big and small to motivate them and build confidence.
• Attend parent-teacher meetings and keep up to date with your child’s progress, attendance, and any behavioural concerns. Keep a check on their online portal and daily planner to ensure they are up to date.
• Workshops and webinars can offer proactive strategies and foster understanding to empower parents and teachers which can have a positive impact on a child’s educational journey and successful outcomes.

Remember that with good preparation and organisation, the transition to secondary school can be an enjoyable experience and give your child lots of opportunities to make new friends and develop new skills❤️

26/03/2025

Adolescence on Metflix has raised some important issues. This is useful advice for parents/carers of kids and teens who may be like me- utterly clueless about some of the online language being used.

In light of Netflix's newest popular show - Adolescence. CR2 Security would like to take this opportunity to help raise awareness surrounding the online security and safety of your child/teenager.

Online, young people are communicating in ways that most adults completely misunderstand. What looks innocent could potentially have a very different meaning.

Here are some of the 'codes' which may be being used by your child:

🔴 Red Pill – “I see the truth.” Used in toxic male spaces to mean waking up to supposed hidden ‘truths’ about women and society, often linked to misogynistic ideologies.

🔵 Blue Pill – Represents those who are “blind to the truth” or still believe in mainstream views about relationships and gender dynamics.

💥 Dynamite Emoji – An “exploding red pill,” meaning someone is a radicalised incel.

🫘 Kidney Bean – A symbol linked to incel culture, sometimes mocking women.

💯 100 Emoji – Tied to the “80/20 rule,” the belief that 80% of women are only attracted to 20% of men.

🕳️ Black Hole – Used to express depression, hopelessness, or being sucked into negative online spaces.

🌪️ Tornado – Represents chaos or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes used to indicate mental distress.

🐸 Frog Emoji – Associated with alt-right and extremist meme culture, often linked to Pepe the Frog, which has been co-opted by some toxic online groups.

🦅 Eagle – A symbol of extreme nationalism, sometimes used in far-right online spaces.

💀 Skull – While often just slang for “that’s funny” or “I’m dead (from laughing),” in certain groups, it can signal darker themes like nihilism or self-harm.

❤️ 💜 💛 💗 🧡 Heart colours and what each one can represent.

❤️ = Love

💜 = Lust

💛 = “Are you interested?”

💗 = Interested but not in s*x

🧡 = “You’ll be okay”

So what should parents do and some advice?

1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative – Ask open-ended questions: “I saw something about emojis meaning different things. Have you heard of this?” Keep the conversation light.

2️⃣ Create a Judgment-Free Zone – If your child feels like they’ll be punished for opening up, they won’t. Make it clear you’re there to listen, not just lecture.

3️⃣ Decode Together – Ask them to explain their digital world. What do different symbols mean? Who are the influencers they follow? Don’t assume—ask.

4️⃣ Teach Critical Thinking – Help them question online content. “Why do you think some groups push this idea? Who benefits?” Arm them with questions, not just rules.

5️⃣ Monitor Without Spying – Open conversations work better than secret surveillance. Make checking in on their online spaces a normal part of parenting, not a crisis move.

6️⃣ Be Real About Manipulation – Explain how toxic online groups groom young people by making them feel special, included, or like they have ‘insider knowledge.’

7️⃣ Build Their Offline Confidence – The more they feel valued and confident in the real world, the less they’ll seek validation in dangerous online spaces.

The digital world is evolving faster than most adults can keep up. But we don’t have to be in the dark!

Be sure to share!

Source: Unknown. TV show: Adolescence.

09/12/2024

Christmas is exciting and fun for a lot of people, but if your child is anxious, or has a neurological condition such as Autism or ADHD, Christmas can be difficult and overwhelming. Here are some tips for reducing stress during the Christmas period:

🎄If possible, make plans in advance, and make sure your little(or not so little)one knows where you will be going, what you will be doing, who will be there and so on. Consider their social capacity, and maybe try and spread visits or trips over the Christmas period.
🎄A visual schedule, list or calendar can work well for a lot of children, and helps them to see what is happening and what to expect next. Try and keep to routines as far as possible, sticking to normal bedtimes etc.
🎄Try to think ahead and consider potential triggers for distress or overwhelm. Loud music, flashing lights, cooking smells, candles, crowds- these can all cause discomfort or stress for an anxious or neurodivergent child. Lights and decorations might be exciting for some people, but the sudden and unexpected change to their world can cause huge anxiety for autistic children. Consider also whether you may need to take ear defenders or your child's favourite familiar foods when you go out (and don't feel bad if Christmas dinner ends up being chicken nuggets or pizza!)
🎄If possible, prepare family members or friends, so that they can support you in making visits as comfortable as possible for your child. They could let you know in advance what you will be doing or eating, and could even turn lights off, turn music down and so on during your visit.
🎄Where you can, make sure that your child knows where there is a quiet area that they can escape to if things do become overwhelming.
🎄School plays, concerts, nativities or parties can be a huge source of stress for some children. Getting changed, noise, sitting around waiting, a different routine with practices, walks to church and so on can be extremely hard to cope with. Talk to teachers about finding your child a role that they are comfortable with, find out in advance when practices will be and put them on the visual timetable, prepare your child in advance, ensure they have had time to try on and get used to their costume and consider having some quiet fidget toys in the hall or church to keep them regulated. They may prefer to participate in one performance rather than several. All just things to consider to try and ensure that all children can be included without becoming distressed or overloaded.
🎄Plan for decompression days during the holidays where your child (and you!) can just spend time relaxing at home.
🎄Autistic children especially can struggle with exchanging presents. Some are unsure how they are expected to respond, and the whole experience can be overwhelming for them. Presents could be spread over the Christmas period, you could ask family or friends that presents could be left unwrapped, or explain politely why your child might prefer to open presents at a different time.
🎄Don’t forget time for you. There may be certain things that are stress-inducing to your child, but you may still be able to do them with someone else.

The most important thing to remember is that everybody’s idea of a happy and stress-free Christmas looks different. Don’t feel pressured by the ‘perfect’ images that you might see on social media. Ask for help and focus on what works for your family.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS🌟

Emotional support for children and families

12/10/2024

Call or email to arrange a free consultation

Emotional support for children and families

10/10/2024

Chandana is passionate, not only about inspiring a love of English, but also for supporting children’s emotional wellbeing.
She has 20+ years experience of teaching children of all abilities, and with varying emotional health issues and additional educational needs❤️

06/09/2024

Handy list for anyone with year 4,5 or 6 children wanting to visit secondary schools

Secondary schools will be inviting young people and their parents or carers in to have a look around and get a feel for their school. Try to visit at least 2 or 3 to be able to compare and contrast.

04/09/2024

Not an easy week for many children and families💔

04/09/2024

Not an easy week for many children and families💔

This week is not simple or easy for many families..

28/08/2024

Some children may be fed up of the lack of structure, and be excited to get back to their friends and familiar routine but there are many reasons why returning to school might feel scary and overwhelming for lots of children.
For children with obsessive or compulsive behaviours, anxiety disorders or Autism Spectrum conditions, changes in their routine, unknown or unpredictable situations, new rooms, new friends or teachers, different environments, can all increase anxieties.
I have been working throughout the holidays with a number of children experiencing school based anxieties, so here is a list of tips and suggestions for supporting children through the return to school.

• Talk, listen and validate their feelings. Reassure them that it is totally understandable and normal for them to feel worried. Avoid saying things like “Nothing to worry about” or “Oh, you’ll be fine”, and acknowledge their feelings. Try to work through them, and give some strategies to help them to feel that they can handle their worries.

• Be mindful of your own stress levels, and beware of ‘emotional contagion’ which may lead to children picking up on our anxiety, and taking it on board.

• Like most difficult situations, repeated exposure makes things easier. After the first couple of days, for most children the anxiety will reduce and they will settle back into their old routine.

• Make a plan together for a situation where the child becomes anxious in school. Sometimes just knowing that there is a plan in place is enough to help them to feel more in control and put their mind at rest. The plan might be to use some relaxation and breathing exercises, to talk to a trusted adult in school, or to use some mindfulness or grounding techniques- using their five senses to focus on what they can see, hear, taste, small and touch to bring attention back to the present moment and surroundings, away from negative feelings.

• It might help them to have a smell on their clothes that reminds them of home, or a small item like a hairband in their pocket. They may like you to draw a little heart on their arm or foot- somewhere where it won’t be seen, but they will feel reassured knowing it’s there.

• On the days leading up to their school return, try to get back into a good bedtime routine. Prioritise relaxation and wellbeing, and allow time for talking about anything that your child may be worried about during the day, making sure that this isn’t too close to bedtime. Focus on the positive things about going back to school that your child is looking forward to, maybe seeing friends or favourite teachers again.

• On the first day back, try not to prolong the goodbye process, as this will allow anxiety and adrenaline to build up. Say a calm, reassuring goodbye, and let your little one believe that you feel happy and positive about their school return, even if you’re going home to cry into your coffee!

• Make sure to let your child’s teacher know how they are feeling so that they can support your child, and you can be reassured that school are aware of what your child is finding difficult.

• Remember that getting back into a normal school routine is likely to be exhausting and difficult for many children. You might like to plan something fun and enjoyable to do at the end of the school day. Alternatively, some children may just need time alone to decompress after a busy day.

• Give lots of encouragement and reminders that you will be there at the end of the day, looking forward to hearing what they have been up to.

A little anxiety can be a helpful motivator and encourage problem solving and critical thinking skills. HOWEVER if you feel that your child’s anxieties are beyond the usual back to school nerves, and they continue to have separation problems, or experience anxiety that is interfering with their ability to function in school or at home, please seek professional advice.

Emotional support for children and families

21/08/2024

I currently have two spaces available during school time which I am offering to home educated children with 15% DISCOUNT.
Get in touch for more information❤️