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Online Counselling, Hunstanton (2025)

20/10/2023

8 tips to improve your body . . . . . positivity!

1 Accept and appreciate who you are. This is more important than what you look like.

2 Surround yourself with positive people and separate yourself from those that bring you down.

3 Filter your social media. By this I mean delete, unfollow or hide any posts or accounts that make you feel bad. Only interact with accounts that make you feel good about yourself.

4 Thank your body for the things it does for you.

5 Avoid comparing yourself to, or trying to be like, other people. Own your uniqueness and celebrate it.

6 If you find yourself criticising a part of your body, stop. Instead find a part of your body to compliment.

7 Tell yourself one thing you like about yourself, which is not related to your appearance, every day.

8 If you are struggling with how you feel about your body, talk to someone. You are not alone.

06/10/2023

Throughout life we will experience loss. Children may lose a favourite comforter, a teenager may grieve the ending of their first intimate relationship, an adult may lose a parent or partner, or you may have experienced the loss of a pet.

A Swiss psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, introduced a five stage model to understand the process we go through when learning to live with loss. This was based on work with terminally ill patients and has created much debate since, mainly around the order in which these stages are processed and whether all stages are necessary to reach acceptance.

It is now recognised that grieving is not linear and some people may not experience any of the stages, but that this is the most commonly observed process of grieving.

In their general order, the five stages are:

Denial, which is often linked with shock at the news and creates a sense of numbness.

Anger comes next and can result in thoughts such as "Why me?" and "It's not fair!" You might look to blame others for the cause of your grief and may direct your anger at close friends and family.

Bargaining follows and is a bit like false hope. It can become tangled with guilt, creating thoughts like, “What if I hadn’t been late? The accident might not have happened.” “What if I had said something sooner? Things might have been different”

Depression is the next stage and perhaps the most commonly recognised as a part of grieving. You may feel overwhelmed and even suicidal, withdrawing from everyone and everything.

The final stage is Acceptance. Stability returns and you can imagine a life without what you have lost. Good days begin to outnumber bad days.

Grieving can be a complicated and extremely painful journey. Sharing your emotions with a counsellor and acknowledging and understanding your feelings can be a useful tool in finding a way back to seeing a future for yourself.

29/09/2023

This poem was written in 2014 by Chanie Gorkin, a 16 year old student from Brooklyn, New York.

Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be attained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say
Today was a very good day.

Now read it from bottom to top and ask yourself, which way up will your day be today?

Today was a very good day.
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say
It’s all beyond my control
My attitude
Creates
The reality
I’m sure you can agree that
It’s not true that good exists
Only if one’s surroundings are good
True happiness can be attained
Because
It’s all in the mind and heart
And it’s not true that
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Even if
This world is a pretty evil place.
Because, when you take a closer look,
There’s something good in every day
And don’t try to convince me that
Today was the absolute worst day ever

22/09/2023

We have all the pieces to make the bigger picture, it’s just a matter of finding them, fitting them together and stepping back periodically, to observe as the scene unfolds.

A five step process coined ‘BACES’ can help with this.

Body:
Take care of the physical. Sleep, nutrition, exercise and rest all contribute to our ability to manage our mental health effectively. Be mindful of how things like alcohol, drugs, smoking and caffeine can affect you.

Achieve:
Dopamine and serotonin, two feel good neurotransmitters, are produced when we achieve tasks and have a purpose. Plan small, achievable activities as part of your daily routine.

Connect:
Oxytocin, another feel good neurotransmitter is produced with social contact. If you are feeling isolated, try saying hello to a stranger on the street, phoning a friend, or seeking out a voluntary position in your community.

Enjoy:
Conversely, we tend to neglect enjoyable hobbies and get bogged down in things that drain and deplete us if we are feeling low. Has this happened to you? Aim to make time for something that you enjoy today.

Step back:
When we feel emotional, we can get caught up that emotion. It becomes difficult to think clearly and see the bigger picture. We re-act instead of act and this can keep a problem going. Taking a moment to pause and gain perspective can help us find a way to progress.

15/09/2023

Attachment theory is a way of looking at and understanding how people behave in adult relationships by linking back to relationships with their primary caregiver in infancy and childhood.

British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth are recognised as key figures in researching and documenting the theory, which many find helpful in understanding the intricacies of their personal relationships.

In a nutshell, the theory suggests that if your primary caregiver, often your mother, made you feel safe and understood and was able to interpret your efforts to communicate and respond to your needs, then you were likely to develop a secure attachment style.

In adulthood, that usually means an ability to healthily manage conflict, respond to intimacy, and successfully navigate romantic partnerships.

If you had a confusing or inconsistent emotional relationship with your caregiver, you are more likely to be left with an insecure attachment style.

This can leave adults with difficulties understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others and can limit their success in creating and maintaining stable relationships. Romantic partners may experience them as clingy or anxious in a relationship.

It is important to remember that your brain and thought processes can always change. By identifying your attachment style and learning how to challenge behaviours that do not serve you well, you can develop in your ability to relate to others, and build healthier, stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

08/09/2023

Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD . . .
. . is characterised by mood changes which begin and end with the changing of the seasons.
Typically, people start to feel low when the days begin to get shorter in the Autumn and begin feeling better with increased daylight hours in the Spring.
In about one in ten cases people are affected in reverse, with the depressive symptoms occurring during the Summer months.

For some people these mood changes can be severe, and can affect how they react to, think about and handle daily life. Have you have noticed significant changes in your ability to cope with life when the seasons change?

Signs and symptoms of SAD are broadly the same as those associated with depression. It is important to remember that not every person with SAD will experience all of the symptoms mentioned.
You may feel lethargic, lose interest in activities you normally enjoy, suffer disturbances to your normal sleeping patterns, notice changes in appetite or weight, struggle to concentrate, feel anxious and withdraw socially from friends and family.

If this sounds like you, remember you are not alone. Speaking to someone about how you are feeling can allow you to keep things in perspective. Noticing and sharing our physical and emotional responses to the changing seasons can remind us that we are all a part of Nature.

01/09/2023

Black Wolf White Wolf

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other wolf is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The boy thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied, “If you feed them right, they both win. You see, if I choose only to feed the white wolf, the black wolf will be hiding around every corner, waiting for me to become distracted, or weak, and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf.

But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win. For the black wolf has many qualities – tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-will, and great strategic thinking – that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks.

But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognise what is in the best interest of all.

You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side.
To feed only one would starve the other and they will both become uncontrollable.
To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life.

Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention.
When there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance. Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing.

How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both.”

–Cherokee Story

25/08/2023

What does the word ‘home’ mean to you? How does it differ in your perception from the word ‘house’?

Some may define home as the familiar space within a house, that feels as if it belongs to you, something that embodies more than the physical presence of a structure.

If you want to explore what this means for you further, here is an exercise that can help separate what it means to inhabit the space within yourself, from the outward appearance and physical structure of your body. It provides a non-threatening way to explore your own self worth and self image. It helps you to consider whether you are isolating, or welcoming people into your ‘home’.

It can be beneficial to think about the way you view yourself in this way. This may include looking at how you choose to care for yourself, and how you interact with the people you come into contact with. This is the first step towards change.

Draw a house. Draw it as if it is the actual embodiment of your personality, spirit, thoughts and feelings. Create an environment around it.
Think about it’s size, shape, decoration. Is it complex in design, or simple and functional? Is it well maintained, or in need of repair? Is the way in inviting or hidden? Is the environment around it busy, or peaceful? Does your house match the surrounding neighbourhood? What is the weather like?

You may want to delve further and imagine the rooms inside your house. Take a virtual tour and see what is inside. Are the doors open or closed? Are there any other people in your house, were they invited? Is there daylight coming through the windows or are they tightly shuttered?

By taking the time to notice the house and home we carry inside ourselves, we can begin to identify where we may have strayed from the original plans. Is there anything we want to do to redirect them? Or are any adaptations serving us well? Do we want or need to carry out any home improvements?

18/08/2023

Dementia is a condition that affects 1 in 11 people over the age of 65 (source: NHS)

As the population ages, and improvements in health care allow our bodies to carry on longer, we are left to navigate the difficult road of living with declining cognitive function.

Initially the patient works hard to maintain a social facade of normality, but this requires a lot of energy and effort and can only be sustained for limited periods. Symptoms are different for everyone, but the steady decline in brain function is the same. Dementia is a one-way street.

Many feelings are brought to the fore when dealing with this condition, but fear, grief, loss and guilt are the main emotional hurdles. These affect both the patient and those close to them.

The patient needs to feel settled and safe. They need to be kept calm and not be expected to make decisions, there is too much for them to consider. Anxiety builds with each negative experience during the day. Emotions are felt, but the patient is unable to link them to specific events or interactions.

For the people caring for them this means allowing the patient to always be right. Not interrupting, not questioning their reasoning or requests and carefully monitoring the patients progression through the behavioural stages of their dementia whilst keeping them safe and managing their independence and dignity as best they can.

This is a big ask of anyone and often carers lose sight of the feelings they are experiencing themselves when dealing with the gargantuan task of caring for their loved one.

It is important to recognise the burden you are carrying. It is essential to make time to allow your own journey to be recognised and understood. And it is ok to feel all the feelings you may be trying to ignore or hide.

The Alzheimers Society provide a multitude of free literature about living with and caring for people with dementia and most of them are free. Don’t be afraid to seek help. You are not alone.

11/08/2023

The dictionary defines winds of change as ‘forces that have the power to change things’

Counselling is a process of change and is often sought when someone feels something in their life is not as they wish it to be. They may be seeking a physical change, or an emotional one. Maybe someone else in their life is pressuring them to change and they are confused about why or how.

The process of change has five stages, Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action and Maintenance.
Note how three of these stages occur before any action is taken.

Roy T Bennett wrote that “It is only after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow and transform” You have probably heard other similar quotes, as stepping out of our comfort zone and into the process of change can be a frightening concept.

So what happens if we choose not to change? How do we feel about remaining where we are?
Talking to a counseller can allow you to explore your feelings around change and empower you in understanding yourself and where you are in your life, giving you the freedom to move in and out of your comfort zone to work towards achieving the goals you may be dreaming of. Or it can allow you to accept where you are and give you perspective and peace.

Think about something in your life you would like to change. Can you put yourself in any of the stages of change previously mentioned? And how do you feel about taking the next step?

04/08/2023

Often when asked whether we have considered therapy, our thoughts jump to a chaise longue in a plain, square room, perhaps with a dusty bookcase, with a therapist sitting on a chair beside us, poised with a notepad and pen.

This model may suit some, but can seem very off-putting to others. If this is not to your taste, have you considered being able to create your own, personalised therapy?

Creative, or Art Therapy is using any 2D or 3D medium of our choice to produce something which expresses how we feel. There are three stages, pre-art making, the art making itself and post-art making.

The first stage involves deciding what you wish to express and finding a medium in which to create it. This may be music, paint, collage, clay, dance, drama, anything you like. What is the best match for the emotion you have? Which are you most drawn towards right now?

The second stage is creating your masterpiece. Question any doubt which may arise about whether you are ‘good enough’ at your chosen medium. Remember, your goal is to get the feeling out from inside yourself and into the world, the connection and therapy is in this process itself.

The third stage is reflecting on your creation. Can you give it a title? Did making it stir any memories? Why did you choose the method or materials you used? Did your feelings change over the course of making it? What does your finished piece mean to you now?

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20/10/2023

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