14/07/2025
☀️🌞☀️🌞☀️☀️🌞🌞☀️🌞☀️🌞☀️
😩😩😩😩Being ginger in the summer is not for
me
I live in Scotland, I am ginger....and I have the complexion of an anaemic ghost 👻 after he has dived into a talc factory. With that in mind you would think, thank God you live in Scotland and not in Spain. 99% of the year is spent freezing my balls off but that 1% of the summer holidays when it's like living in Satan's arse after eating a vindaloo, is quite frankly unbearable. I have questioned it myself whether taking out a loan for air conditioning for a mere 24 hours is worth the use I will get out of it, because knowing my luck, I will have it installed in my house and then another ice age will begin. ❄️❄️🥶🥶🥶
My daughter is also leaning on the side of being a red head, and when I took a trip to Tenerife I spent most of my holiday setting an actual timer on my phone every 40 minutes and calling her over like a psychopath to re-apply her sun cream and somehow her arms still got a little red. ☀️🌞☀️🌞
She also had a UV swimsuit on. I do not think they existed when I was a child, but I could do with a UV portable house to carry around in the summer if I'm being honest. 🏡🏡
You know when ducks fly south for the winter? I think it's possible I should be flying north.
The north pole that is, because I’d have a much more enjoyable time getting frost bite with Santa than dealing with a heatwave in a volcano when our houses are made to keep IN heat. 🎅🎅🎅🎅
With that in mind, after my moaning about sizzling like a sausage at the local park yesterday, I am also disappointed to see that today it is raining. Raining on the only day we decided to put out the paddling pool in the garden. 🏊🏊🏊
I don’t know why I'm disappointed, because we all know that once you have spent 7 hours pumping up the bloody thing whilst causing repetitive strain injury to your ankle, that one of 2 things happen.
The water is too cold and does nothing... other than cause you to stop breathing when you stick in your big toe, or your toddler gets the ick that the grass gets into the water and decides she would rather do anything, and I literally mean anything other than playing in it, unless I agree to single handedly pick 7,000 blades of grass from between her toes. 🦖
The other thing is that you always find a bargain summer sale paddling pool in Argos, one that is in the shape of dinosaur land but later find out there is also 20 invisible holes, and it deflates itself 3.5 minutes of blowing it up. If I wanted something holey I would have purchased it on a Sunday. 🏥
At least I am not as bad as my Dad, because once he found a portable camping shower from Argos and bought it without reading the description. When I say portable shower, I really mean it was a plastic bag of some sort resembling an IV bag that you fill with water, hang off a tree and the sun “heats it up” and it dribbles all over your head with the power of an ant sized watering can. He thought it magically heated the water. I am not sure exactly where he thought you would plug it in, in the sh****ng tree....but here, we are. 🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳
Funny story because my sister worked there at the time and what did my dad do? He half dried it off, shoved it in the soggy box and swanned into the shop and returned it. I do not have the patience for that s**t; I would have rather binned it than admit I did not read the description.
But he is also the man that bought a unicycle on a whim and realised that he doesn’t actually know how to ride it, because he's not an actual clown. Well, he is, but not the type that has the skills of the circus performers. Come to think of it who is even buying unicycles from Argos? How is there even a gap in the market for that? 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
In 2025 we all know Aldi is obviously the place for that. The shop that you go to buy cakes and come out with a unicycle, a scuba diving suit and a trumpet. 🎺 🎺🎺
Maybe they will sell an air conditioner come to think of it.
Or a UV ginger friendly body suit, that covers my face.. and my toes 😂😂😂
