Kensington Counselling - Relationship & Trauma Psychologist

15/12/2022

A lot of clients and therapists can get confused about what anxiety really is.

Dr Nikos Tsigaras, Counselling Psychologist, Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapist (ISTDP) and relationships & trauma expert, explains the different types of anxiety and how each needs to be regulated in a different way.

A lot of clients and therapists can get confused about what anxiety really is. Dr Nikos Tsigaras, Counselling Psychologist, Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psyc...

10/12/2022

They say every story is a love story.

I say every trauma therapy is a relationship therapy.

“Will you be able to hold in mind that your attention to me may be the biggest struggle I have faced so far? Because it is also my biggest longing".

Dr Nikos discussed an essential feature of trauma therapy; that it is a form of relationship counselling. The therapuetic relationship is what heals trauma.

09/12/2022

A simple framework in 3 steps, described in under a minute!

By Dr Nikos Tsigaras, Counselling Psychologist and Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapist.

https://youtube.com/shorts/D9Aw471WW08?feature=share

06/12/2022

There is no bigger selling point than knowing yourself. This is true in dating, mature relationships, friendships, and success at work. But how do you start?

The answer is deceptively simple: you have to harness the power of precise attention. But how do you do this?

Dr Nikos Tsigaras, Counselling Psychologist, and relationship expert uses insights from a revolutionary form of psychotherapy, Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) to show you how.

There is not bigger selling point than knowing yourself. This is true in dating, mature relationships, friendships, and success at work. But why is it so har...

30/11/2022

New video listing some of the symptoms of relationship trauma.

Dr Nikos Tsigaras lists some common experiences following trauma in adult romantic relationships.Drawing from his practice of Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Ps...

15/11/2022

Join me in this short video to define relationship trauma!

https://youtu.be/4JdpJcziKxo

13/11/2022

I have just launched my YoutTube channel, The Relationship Trauma Psychologist where I will discuss all things relationships, trauma, and relationship trauma.

Come and say hello!

The Relationship Trauma Psychologist is a new channel by Dr Nikos Tsigaras, Counselling Psychologist and relationship trauma specialist based in London, UK.R...

03/04/2021

At the Relationship Trauma Psychologist, we hold on to the principle that relationship trauma requires relationships to heal.

However, we find out again and again that if we have been traumatised or neglected we can end up forming relationships that reproduce our original pain.

-If we have suffered discrimination, we can end up trying to become something we were never meant to be, in order to fit in.

-If we doubt our competence and strength we may choose strong partners and begin to feel controlled and even less strong as we delegate to them and live our heart’s desires through them.

-If we struggle to feel and express our emotions, we may choose expressive partners who then scold us for our emotional unavailability.

-If we experienced rejection and abandonment as children, we may not allow ourselves to have a different experience because that can rouse the agony of missed opportunities.

-At work too, we don’t risk or even try, and if we do we procrastinate or self-sabotage.

What therapy can offer is a relationship in which we can have a different experience:

* We learn to make ourselves the important ones.

* We learn to see the myriad ways we self-sabotage.

* We allow ourselves to be known, learning to soothe the anxiety that crops up at every step of the way.

Come and learn more about low self-esteem (LSE) and see how therapy could allow you to live a more fulfilling life.

https://kensingtoncounselling.com/self-esteem-therapy-counselling

28/03/2021

We hear a lot about self-care; eating healthy, exercise, meditation, self-compassion.

However, what happens if we do not really know what we need? What if he are disabled by anxiety and low mood?

What about those of us who struggle to make decisions, name our feelings or feel numb?

What if we've always felt we are different and all this advice doesn't resonate, or won't work because there is something inherently wrong with us?

Or we usually end up making others' needs a priority and even end up in relationships where we are treated badly?

We may be suffering from Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).

If we have not been "seen" as children and our needs met, we are likely to become adults who struggle to know who we are, make decisions of all kinds, and feel worthy and valued.

"We have evidence-based, effective talking therapies to help us know and become our true selves, to form lasting connections, and realise our full potential". Dr Nikos Tsigaras

Want to know more?

Childhood emotional neglect Emotional neglect refers to our emotional needs as children not being met. Signs of emotional neglect in adults   You may see yourself as “different” or think “there’s something wrong with me”. You may feel alone even when you are in the company of others. You ...

02/03/2021

We are all probably familiar with self-criticism. For some of us it can be a lifelong, disabling way of being.

We may be told that it helps to be compassionate to ourselves. Or maybe a mental health professional tells us we must be kinder to ourselves.

Great advice. I’m all up for it.

Maybe we meditate, or keep gratitude journals, or try to challenge our negative thinking.

Helpful stuff, no doubt. Keep doing it.

But what would we be doing if we were not criticising ourselves? Have we ever wondered about this? Has anyone been interested in why ww started to criticise ourselves at this moment?

Would we like to know?

“I noticed that there was a rise in sadness within you, but then you started to put yourself down and stopped yourself from feeling your sadness. Did you notice that?”

The answer is, if we were not criticising ourselves, we may feel emotions that we learned were “against the law” when we were growing up. We may have understood that feeling sad made people around us anxious and threatened our attachment to them. It would have made sense that we should find ways of supressing your emotions.

Want to know more?

https://kensingtoncounselling.com/2019/08/23/quiet-your-inner-critic

I’d love to read your comments below!

Photography by Kilarov Zaneit

19/02/2021

There is an epidemic of anxiety.

And yet, I believe that anxiety is one of the most misunderstood human experiences.

We all want to control it, get rid of it, ignore it. If it gets triggered too often and for too long, it can start crippling your life.

I believe that Attachment Based ISTDP (Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy) provides a particularly helpful way of understanding it.

Babies and children depend on their parents for survival. However, sometimes the child’s emotions frighten the parents. The parents can’t cope with the child’s anger, sadness, joy/longing. Sometimes the parents are frightening.

The child cannot afford to feel and show emotions that either frighten the parents or turn them scary. Children learn that they need to hide those feelings to protect the attachment. When healthy feelings of anger, sadness, or joy rise, the child experiences anxiety. Or the child uses a “defence”. They automatically suppress their feelings, dismiss them, minimise them - we can’t really think of anxiety without thinking about the defences against it.

The adult may come to therapy because of anxiety. They are choosing to depend on a helper figure. They many not realise it, but they mean to start a new attachment relationship.

Continue reading at: https://kensingtoncounselling.com/2021/02/19/anxiety-therapy-101

to see what ISTDP for anxiety looks like!

And come back here to comment :)

Anxiety Therapy 101 by drnikos | Feb 19, 2021 | Anxiety, Counselling & Therapy guides | 0 comments Continued from my Instagram post… Pablo crash lands on the therapist’s sofa. He smiles widely, and comments on how beautiful the ZZ plant (Zamioculcas zamiifolia) next to the sofa is. “Have you b...

02/02/2021

(TW: Trauma)

"Trauma is the outcome of experiences which were unbearable. But what is traumatic is not only what happened, but also what didn't happen."

I often come across discussions on social media about trauma, which often devolve into terrible fights between groups of people. Sadly, it is often between traumatised people and those that profess to care for them.

Trauma is an emotive topic and can touch people deeply. It is an extremely serious topic and it is disturbing to anyone that becomes exposed to it.

It can be about something that happened once (a r**e, natural disaster, an attempt at one's life).

It can be chronic. It can be the outcome of being marginalised/oppressed because of race, sexual identity, gender identity, class, neurodiversity, or disability.

There is invisible trauma as well, in the form of neglect. This is particularly insidious as it is difficult to respond when you don't know that you didn't receive something you should have got.

What is referred to as developmental, or childhood trauma is often the most damaging to the mind. It can leave one existing in a war-like state for much of their lives.

Always being ready to fight or to flee. Or becoming frozen and lifeless. Giving anyone the benefit of the doubt is dangerous. There is constant shame and punitive guilt. The body cannot recover and begins to break down in all sorts of ways resulting in visits to doctors and the A and E.

Finding the right therapist to help with all of this is often a challenge in itself.

For my own therapy practice, I have written a brief page about all of this. I would like to acknowledge that trauma therapy is challenging for both client and therapist and that working with the ther**eutic relationship is often the priority because although trauma often happens between people, it is actually in relationships that it can be healed.

https://kensingtoncounselling.com/trauma