21/01/2022
I liked the skills to practice to help you “respond” rather than “react” when triggered.
Trauma continued
There are 5 stages to the process of handling trauma:
Denial - this can't be happening.
Anger - why did this have to happen
Bargaining - I promise I'll never ask for another thing if only you will...
Depression - a gloom that comes from having to adjust to so much so quickly
Acceptance
Untreated PTSD from any trauma is unlikely to disappear completely without action and intervention and can contribute to things like chronic pain, depression, drug/alcohol abuse and sleep problems that may impede a person's ability to work and interact with others.
Trauma can cause
Feeling self-conscious, such as when we’re alone or in a group and comparing ourselves to others
Feeling discounted, such as when someone stands us up or ignores our calls or messages
Feeling we are controlled, such as when someone is making decisions for us or is telling us what to do or feel
Feeling taken advantage of, such as when someone fails to pay us back on a loan or promises help with a task and then fails to deliver
Feeling vulnerable, such as when we’re in a situation in which we feel exposed
Dysfunctional relationship experiences, such as when we’re lonely or feeling smothered
Boundary concerns, such as when someone is coming at us while drunk or disrespecting our personal space
Feeling uncomfortable about what is happening, such as when we witness someone being hurt or when someone’s words or actions disagree with our values
Fearing what might happen, such as when a threat appears imminent
Trauma Trigger Toolkit
Here are some specific psychological tools to help you respond, rather than react, to your own trauma triggers.
1. Name it. You can keep a written list with the names of your familiar, often-repeated triggers. These could be particular people, words, places, or behaviours. Being on the lookout for your triggers makes you ready and prepared to handle them more appropriately. Then you can respond consciously instead of acting on reflex.
2. Seek the source. Identifying the source of a trigger reaction — a specific event or trauma — is central to freeing yourself from it. Triggers based on past trauma show us where the past invades the present. But they also allow you to look directly into the hidden world of who you are. When you accurately locate where a trigger comes from in yourself, you notice it and have the opportunity to choose to reduce its impact substantially.
3. Be aware of projection. Trigger reactions are often about projection. For example, if one of your parents was angrily violent toward you, you might be triggered by anger in other people you come across. This is because your body fears a repetition of that original sequence, even though anger and violence aren’t inevitably linked.
Or maybe a long term partner left you for someone else, and now you’re unsure of your attractiveness in every new relationship.
We tend to predict future outcomes based on past experience.
While it’s always possible that anger will lead to violence, or your new love interest will fall for someone else, that would be a coincidence, not a given.
Most important, when you make your reaction all about other people, it leaves you vulnerable and powerless, because you can’t change them. When you take ownership of your reactions, you take a step toward healing and letting go of the original injury.
4. Notice hyper-arousal signs. When you’re triggered, cortisol and adrenaline course through you — so you might feel disoriented. You may feel unable to self-regulate in that moment, so the first order of business is to focus on calming yourself down.
To do this, use some relaxation techniques. Take a deep breath. Go for a quick walk around the block. Head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water. Do some bilateral stimulation. Do something that will help bring you back to the present moment.
5. Don’t fight the inner critic/voice. If you’re being triggered by an inner critic/voice, don’t reply with an opposing opinion — that reaction will only start an internal argument with the soul purpose of putting you down.
Instead, try using the inner critic’s voice as an alarm bell announcing it’s time to break the old pattern. It can remind you to deploy a self-care practice, like an affirmation: "I trust myself to do the best I can". This can also help when you’re starting to obsess over a worry: "I trust myself to handle whatever happens. I am more resourceful and resilient than I realise."
6. Practice self awareness and knowing and showing your emotions. Emotions are like muscles: They develop in healthy ways by being used appropriately. Likewise, if you’ve hidden an emotion like anger, sadness or depression for most of your life, your ability to cope with the feelings becomes challenging.
This is one reason why a reaction may feel awkward or exaggerated when you’re triggered.
As you practice self awareness, knowing and showing your emotions, you become less likely to react inappropriately when you have strong feelings.
7. Take a breather. When you’re triggered, you can lose your objectivity. You may feel like the wind is physically being knocked out of you. This makes it much harder to say what needs to be said. Try stepping away for a moment to let the ego calm down. See things from different perspectives. This makes it easier to communicate non-judgmentally about the effect someone’s action or an experience has on you.
Tomorrow I will share the final section of the Trauma Toolkit to help equip you to manage past trauma better and move forward in your life.
