12/07/2025
Birth is not just “mind over matter.”
This phrase gets thrown around a lot in natural birth spaces — especially when someone is preparing for a homebirth, a VBAC, or a freebirth.
And while it sounds empowering, it can become a double-edged sword.
Yes — your mindset matters.
How you prepare mentally can influence your ability to cope in labor, your pain perception, and even how you process the birth afterwards.
But to say it’s just “mind over matter” is far too simplistic. And frankly, it can be damaging.
Because when things don’t go to plan?
When birth takes a turn, or intervention is needed, or someone comes out of it feeling shaken or broken or blindsided —
the unspoken message becomes:
“You just didn’t believe hard enough.”
“You weren’t strong enough.”
“You let fear win.”
And that’s not truth. That’s shame in disguise.
Many things influence how a birth unfolds — not just mindset, but also:
✨ your physical preparation
✨ your genetics
✨ your baby’s unique physiology and position
✨ your choice of care provider
✨ the support you receive
✨ your nutritional foundation
✨ your previous experiences — even birth stories you absorbed as a child
✨ your subconscious beliefs about birth and safety
✨ and yes, sometimes just plain luck.
Birth is powerful.
But it’s not a test you pass by being mentally stronger than the next person.
So let’s stop putting all the pressure on one thing.
Let’s stop selling the idea that if you just think positive or banish fear hard enough, you’ll get the outcome you want.
That’s not empowerment. That’s oversimplification.
Let’s honor the complexity of birth -
the layers, the mystery, the preparation, the surrender.
And most of all- let’s honor the women.
Because no matter what the outcome looks like from the outside,
you did not fail.
You did your best -
in a moment that asked everything of you.
And that’s always enough.
