15/04/2026
“He dropped down dead 5 minutes after being sedated… right in front of me.”
That’s not something you ever expect to say. Bailie (Quality Douglas) was never supposed to be “that horse”…But he became everything to me.
When I got him at 5 y.o, he was tricky…he had great bloodlines to top showjumpers, and in my opinion had been produced too young, too quick, to jump too high too soon. His brain was fried, and he was anxious to get the job done as quickly as possible. Sometimes dangerously quickly. But I saw something in him.
And over 14 months, I poured everything into rebuilding him. Stripping everything back. Starting again. By the time we started going out to competitions I was able to get him to jump from walk…halt two strides after a fence…he slowed down….he trusted me.
And I trusted him. We were ready. 2018 was supposed to be our year.
Then one day, he couldn’t eat off the floor. We took him to the vets…they sedated him for x-rays….and 5 minutes later, he was gone. Just like that.
No warning. No time to process. Just shock… and heartbreak.
I remember thinking, “I’m never doing this again.”
Because how do you open yourself up to that kind of pain twice? But what I didn’t realise at the time was this…
The grief wasn’t just about losing him. It was about losing the future I thought we were going to have. And if you’ve ever lost a horse suddenly…you’ll understand that feeling.
This is something I see so often now - riders carrying loss, fear, and “what ifs” into their next partnership… without even realising it. I’ve been there.
And it’s a big part of why I now help riders with confidence and anxiety - not just from a professional perspective… but because I’ve lived it.
Part 2 is about the horse I never planned to have…and how everything changed.
Below is the link to the blog relating to this.
The Day Everything ChangedThere are some moments in life that divide everything into before and after.For me, this was one of them. Bailie wasn’t an easy horse. He was a 5-year-old ISH with incredible bloodlines…but he’d been pushed too hard, too young. By the time I got him, he wasn’t just ...