Not So Typical Counselling

11/10/2025

…..And here we go again.
Not many weeks after the Gregg Wallace “Autism means I can’t wear pants” headlines, more negative headlines about neurodiversity. This time PDA, Pathological Demand Avoidance. The headline is misleading, but aren’t they always?

The response of most people “Never like it my day”, “I wouldn’t let a child of mine get away with it”, “There’s no discipline anymore”, “You’ve just got to be tougher on them”. I’ve posted a few of the comments on the article. Although there were some supportive ones that understood neurodiversity, most don’t

PDA hasn’t made it into the Big Book of Mental Health Conditions, The DSM 5 because it is so new, and massively underreached that it hasn’t got an official space in there, yet.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and doesn’t cause distress to the lives of those who have the profile and those that live and love them. I often see clients who have an unrecognised PDA profile and after a few questions, I explain what it is and how it shows up in their lives, and I can see a lightbulb turning on above their head. Then by changing the way they approach things and those in their life approach things, their levels of distress.

PDA is profile of autism characterized by an extreme avoidance of everyday demands, even those the person might want to do. It's often driven by anxiety and a need for control; responding to a demand can trigger an anxiety response. Individuals may use a variety of strategies, such as direct refusal, procrastination, or imaginative role-playing, to avoid requests.

Using a low demand approach and remembering that having autonomy, or agency is the key for those with PDA. It’s different from just being in control or a ‘control freak’. If a PDA person is told to do something, even if they were going to do it, they then can’t do it. If they are asked, and they see a need for it, they then can do it.

The thing about children with a PDA profile is that they grow into adults with a PDA profile, it doesn’t disappear on their 18th birthday. Many people at the ages of 30, 40, 50 and beyond are discovering they are neurodivergent, they don’t catch it from anywhere, it was always there, but the recognition can be life changing. I think a lot of PDA adults find themselves in jobs where they have a lot of autonomy, or even self-employed as that is the ultimate way of getting agency.

If there’s anything you’d like me to write about in connection with PDA or other parts of neurodiversity, comment on this post or send me a message.

07/10/2025

Today's a big birthday, 50. I'm not one for taking life audits, but the last decade has been the most transformative.
I've lived through a global pandemic, which was never on anyone's bucket list, I'm sure! I've discovered why my child found school so challenging, and also found out why I've found life so challenging.

I wouldn't have found any of this out had my child not had the courage not to mask and say that everything was OK, but use their behaviour and later words to let me know what was going on for them. I am eternally grateful that they felt they could trust me enough to do that as it taught me a lot about myself too. Mainly to believe that I can do things, like study for a master's degree, that even me ten years ago would not have thought possible.

I've had to advocate for my children, making my voice heard for them, something that has never been easy for me. But it's helped me learn how to advocate for myself, too. From being told that I am too much of everything, I have discovered why and how I can use it to support others who have just found this path.

As Mums, we are often stronger for our children than we are for ourselves, and I am seeing that so often at the moment, with so many brave, courageous, and determined mums changing the world for their children and themselves.

06/10/2025

For I wanted to share some co-occuring conditions that often go alsongside ADHD that many people aren't aware of.

✨Are you often called 'too sensitive', or that 'you’re overreacting' (again?!) to a situation.

✨If someone says “Nice outfit”, it makes you squirm, or you reply with “This old thing, I got it in a sale”.

✨If someone you know doesn’t notice you on the street, you spend ages thinking about what you’ve done or said wrong to upset them.

✨You text someone, and they don’t text you back.

✨The worst thing a work colleague or boss can say to you is “Can we have a chat later?”. Your stomach tightens and you begin to go through every single conversation you’ve had with everyone since you worked there.

❓Do any (or all!) of these seem familiar to you?
Let me introduce you to Rejection Sensitivity, also known as Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

🙌Yay! Another Dysphoria or Disorder that goes alongside ADHD, autism and neurodiversity.

Although it’s not in the Big Book of Mental Health Conditions (also known as the DSM-5), it is something that can cause a great deal of distress to the individual experiencing it.

🤔So what is it?
It is when someone experiences a strong emotional reaction to negative judgment or criticism, or perceived judgment or criticism. Someone with RSD with perceive a neutral comment as negative and a negative comment as extremely negative. They are more hypersensitive to being rejected and it can be physically painful.

This reaction sends them into rumination, physical symptoms such as a feeling in the pit of their stomach, feelings of being a failure and often cannot continue with their day.

While there is little research and no official diagnosis for RSD, it does seem that being ADHD does raise your risk of having RSD. One possible reason is that your nervous system may be triggered differently in those with ADHD. Also, children with ADHD hear on average 20,000 more negative messages growing up than their peers.

Therapy can help you understand RSD triggers and where it appears for you. Having a therapist who understands the RSD is also very helpful. As someone who has RSD and was told by a therapist years ago that I needed to learn “How to move past this”, it led me to feelings of shame and guilt that I couldn’t overcome the challenges, which I now recognise were caused by having RSD.

💭If you recognise yourself in this, what’s the thing that activates your RSD?

02/10/2025

I found out today that it's ADHD Awareness month. I like to think I'm very on brand writing my first post about it at midnight on the 2nd day of the month 🤣.

When people mention about the ADHD epidemic, or that "everyone is jumping on the ADHD bandwagon these days" I say that if I had to choose a bandwagon I wouldn't have chosen one with higher rates of addiction, su***de and shorter lifespan. I wouldn't have chosen one where I spend most of my life annoying myself by forgetting or not reading emails or instructions.

Despite all the negative outlook, ADHD are some of the most welcoming, creative, thoughful and dynamic people I have met.

I'm not all that sure about the purpose of Awareness months. Beware, the ADHD people are out to get you this month! 😁

02/10/2025

OMG, this!! 😂

Catch me under a moss blanket avoiding both RSVP buttons.

01/10/2025

What a wonderful resource from Spectrum Gaming! This will help so many parents and children.

We’re excited to share that the Barriers to Education website has officially launched: http://barrierstoeducation.co.uk

The Barriers to Education website has been created to bring parents, carers and professionals together with practical, compassionate approaches that make a real difference.

At its heart is the WARMTH Framework, alongside a growing library of tools, strategies and case studies that show what’s possible when we focus on understanding needs and creating conditions where young people feel safe, valued and able to thrive.

The website isn’t just here for you to read, but it is here for you to use as you see fit:
💛 Share it
Feel free to share this website with anyone who may not otherwise see it

🧡Use the content
We are very happy for any of the content to be added to your own existing (or new) documents or guidance.

💙Amend the content
We are very happy for you to use but also amend any wording so that it fits your Local Area or setting, the people within it and your current work and priorities.

💜Use it as a foundation
You are welcome to use any of the content we have shared as a foundation for your own local ideas, strategies, provision and interventions in your area or setting.

💚Share with us
If you are using any part of Barriers to Education, we would love to hear from you! Our vision for this website is for it to be a community owned, shared space where best practice, ideas and successes can be disseminated. Taking the time to share your resources, input or learning in our 'WARMTH in Practice' section could offer others (across the country) the chance to make a life changing difference to the young people that they are supporting.

We want to extend a huge thank you to everyone who contributed to the creation of the Barriers to Education website. Over 1,500 people contributed including young people, parents and carers, professionals across education, health and social care, researchers and more and it would not have been possible without you.

You can explore the site and join us in shaping it through the link in the comments.

29/09/2025

26/09/2025

😂

They are hiding the truth.

Autism rates didn't rise because of vaccines, paracetemol or whatever else people are making up at the moment.

The data is crystal clear: the more Marvel movies, the more autism.

19/04/2025

We are at Animangapop Exeter today!

19/04/2025

Today we have a stall at Animangapop Exeter! All set up and ready to meet people. 😁