31/12/2023
In January 2018, in the midst of a stressful and far from amicable divorce I decided to add a gratitude journal into my daily spiritual practice. Every night before bed I write down 5 things I am grateful for that day, some days finding those five things is really easy and I feel I could write far more.
On others, I sit and look at the blank lines in front of me and wonder how can I have got life so wrong? In those moments, I close my eyes, come back to my breath, my heartbeat and remember all I have come through to get here, where I am today. It may not be exactly where I want to be but I have another chance tomorrow and for that alone I can be grateful.
Looking back through those journals take me on quite a journey. From the start of 2018 when I felt so out of control, my ex dictating everything, making my very tame demands for settlement seem unreasonable, refusing to put the house on the market, unwilling to engage in contact arrangements for our youngest daughter, constant missives from my solicitor costing upwards of £250 per letter. I figured if I could find small things every day to be grateful it might help lessen the worry, anxiety and stress of it all. I was already journaling using targeted questions or prompts on a regular basis and while that helped enormously I wanted something that was entirely positive, that I could pick up and look back on and think "ah, isn't life good?"
In June 2018, I applied for and got my current teaching job. The entry for the night I was offered the job is a little bit disbelieving but overflowing with gratitude. In July I watched my eldest graduate from university. I started that job in September and in the October I got news that my divorce was finalised. I was almost free. My ex was ordered by the court to put the house on the market, he could no longer keep me trapped there. I spent my first Christmas since my children had been born without them.
2019 brought a new car and new friends into my life and I took up bouldering and joined a book club. In October the house sale went through and I moved into my own flat with my youngest. I finished the year with a broken shoulder and all of my children celebrating Christmas with me in my own home.
While 2020 will forever be etched in our brains as the year that we weren't allowed out, it was also the year I discovered that I am far more adaptable and flexible than I ever believed possible, I was able to combine being in school for keyworker child care duties with online learning seamlessly. I thrived on finding different ways to engage and teach children across a screen as apposed to sitting on opposite sides of the table. I learnt how to use different software and discovered apps to help the children's learning which I still use today. It was also the year my in person Reiki business ground to a halt, I was yet really to explore the possibilities of the online space for business. In the October I lost a very good friend and my father.
On the surface 2021 seemed like a pretty unremarkable year but on digging a little deeper I see that it was the year I celebrated my eldest buying her first home and sadly waved my youngest off to university. I also learned how to put together shelving units, and get my son to undo and do them properly but we'll gloss over that bit!
The dreaded lurgy finally caught me in April 2022. My own fault really I had ventured out to an event with 6,000 other people in a bid to do my bit to save the planet. I wrote and published my book of journal prompts to help you deal with the changes you want to make in your life but I was so busy running away from a reel that had got a crazy numbers of views that I mostly forgot to tell you about it.
Finally we reach 2023, the year I saw my eldest get married and finally introduced my son to Bruce Springsteen live in concert. The highlight of the year was travelling to Vienna by myself to see Bruce in concert again and meet up with some friends for the first time in real life. It was also the year, I discovered my voice and really stood up for myself in the work place and while I didn't completely convince them to scrap their plans they did adjust them and I got recognition and was made Assistant Maths Co-ordinator which gives a say in how Maths is taught in the school.
The notebook choice in 2018 was based on it's prettiness, 2020-2021's notebook was a gift from my son with a very large nod to my love of elephants. Because elephants are strong, loyal, dependable and trustworthy I chose it the same notebook in 2022, but a lighter colour as I hoped the years would bring more ease.
2024's notebook has butterflies, inside and out, because this year I am hoping to fly.
And if you have read this far, do you keep a gratitude journal? And what is your wish for 2024?
