24/02/2024
What if believing that your relationship should be passionate and intense was actually making your relationship worse?
After spending years studying relationship dynamics, I realised that the dissatisfaction that most of us feel in relationships is partly because unconsciously we’re holding the belief that “love should always feel passionate and intense”.
The romantic love or “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is biologically wired to last between 6 months to 2 years. After this, those juicy feelings of passion and intensity fade…
At this point we feel discontent with our partners, often believing that we’re not in love anymore or they don’t want us. Many relationships end at this point, which is then repeated in later relationships. If they don’t end, they become cold and couples run parallel disconnected lives.
There have been a number of scientific studies that suggest romantic love and passion fade over time. AND that it can also evolve into a deeper, more stable form of love characterised by commitment, companionship, and emotional intimacy.
So here's the missing link that I discovered on my journey. Rather than focussing on the lack of passion or trying to increase it, relationships need nurturing by increasing emotional intimacy and communication. If not, you’re likely to be unhappy in your relationships.
And the good news is that passion can then paradoxically be rekindled! Coming from a deeper and more stable place.
Now, this takes persistent work… But I hope your relationship is worth it!
In the meantime, let me know in the comments, what aspects of love do you value most in your relationships?
