Ruth Murtagh Counselling for Couples and Individuals

11/11/2025

minds counseling services

09/11/2025

Read more: yungpueblo.substack.com

02/11/2025

26/10/2025

Boundaries aren’t about distance — they’re about clarity.

They tell others, “Here’s how to love me without losing yourself.”

In therapy, I see how often people mistake boundaries for rejection.

But healthy boundaries are an act of connection — they make real intimacy possible.

📖 Need a boundary refresher? Pick up ➡️ amzn.to/3404926

06/09/2025

03/09/2025

I picked up Shahida Arabi’s The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People at a time when I was starting to see patterns in my relationships, patterns that were exhausting me emotionally, but which I kept justifying in the name of “being understanding.” As someone who has always been told I’m “too sensitive,” I often felt like my empathy was both my greatest strength and my biggest liability. This book didn’t just validate that reality, it gave me language, strategies, and a map to navigate a world that sometimes feels too sharp-edged for a soft heart.

Arabi writes with both authority and compassion, clearly drawing on deep research into narcissism, manipulation, and emotional abuse, but also on a personal understanding of what it’s like to be a highly sensitive person (HSP) in the midst of toxic dynamics. She doesn’t reduce “sensitivity” to fragility, she reframes it as a powerful trait that, when understood and protected, can actually become a source of resilience.

One thing that stood out to me is how practical the book is. It’s not just a list of red flags, it’s a handbook for reclaiming agency. It covers the psychological patterns that toxic people exploit, the ways HSPs tend to internalize blame, and concrete steps to create and enforce boundaries without guilt.

By the time I closed the last page, I wasn’t just aware of the problem, I had an actionable plan. And perhaps most importantly, I left feeling less alone, more grounded, and more willing to walk away from anyone who treats my kindness as a weakness.

Key Lessons from the Book:

1. Sensitivity is not weakness, it’s a finely tuned radar.
Highly sensitive people notice subtleties in tone, body language, and emotion that others might miss. This can be a gift, but toxic individuals often exploit it. Recognizing that sensitivity is a form of intelligence, not a flaw is the first step toward protecting it.

2. Narcissists and manipulators feed off your empathy.
Toxic people are drawn to HSPs because of their compassion and tendency to give the benefit of the doubt. Arabi teaches that empathy without boundaries becomes self-destructive, and learning to say “no” without overexplaining is a form of self-preservation.

3. Boundaries are acts of self-respect, not aggression.
Setting limits on your time, energy, and emotional availability isn’t rude, it’s essential. This means cutting off manipulative conversations early, limiting access, and enforcing consequences when boundaries are crossed.

4. Self-blame is the manipulator’s silent weapon.
Toxic people are skilled at making HSPs question themselves. Recognizing gaslighting and guilt-tripping tactics helps you see that the problem isn’t your “overreaction” but the other person’s deliberate erosion of your self-trust.

5. Reclaiming your power is an inside job.
Escaping toxic influence isn’t just about distancing yourself from harmful people, it’s about strengthening your self-worth, building a support network, and learning to trust your instincts. When you believe in your own value, manipulation loses its grip.

This book doesn’t just help you survive toxic people, it helps you thrive despite them. For any highly sensitive person who has ever wondered why certain relationships leave them drained and doubting themselves, Arabi offers both clarity and a way forward.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4oUJP6F

You can also get the Audio book for FREE using the same link. Use the link to register for the Audio book on Audible and start enjoying it.

03/09/2025

03/09/2025

I’m

It can feel impossible to see beyond your own perspective when you’re in conflict with another person. And yet, if you zoom out from the heat of the moment (and sometimes you need to zoom wayyy out), you might find that you can find a point of connection through a shared value.

Try asking these three questions the next time you’re in an argument or a tough conversation.

01/09/2025

SEPTEMBER already!

💬 Which of these habits will you be starting this month? Or is there another you’re focusing on right now? Let me know👇🏾

Lasting change doesn’t come from big overhauls - it’s the small daily habits that add up to transformation. 🙌🏾

01/09/2025

Read that again.

Stop settling for less than you deserve.

Drop a 💛 if you needed to hear this today.

01/09/2025

I’m now on TikTok as AskPhilippa, will be posting a new vid, agony aunt stuff, on there 5 days a week. Follow me on there so you don’t miss any

28/08/2025