Mediation Matters Midlands Ltd

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Mediation Matters Midlands Ltd offers Family Mediation to help separated couples consider options and reach agreements swiftly, amicably and affordably on issues concerning children, finances and property.

An article for professional in Family Law but informative and potentiallyy live saving for others to understand.
17/12/2025

An article for professional in Family Law but informative and potentiallyy live saving for others to understand.

Coercive control is now a criminal offence in England and Wales, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood forms of domestic abuse, including within professional spaces. This misunderstanding matters.

14/12/2025

Litigation abuse is one of the most overlooked and damaging forms of post-separation harm, yet it plays out in front of us every day. So many survivors show extraordinary strength to leave an unsafe relationship, only to find themselves pulled straight back into the very dynamics they escaped. The c...

Most people are surprised when they learn this, but it is true… getting married automatically cancels your will, yet get...
10/12/2025

Most people are surprised when they learn this, but it is true… getting married automatically cancels your will, yet getting divorced does not.

If a will was not made in contemplation of that particular marriage, the law treats the marriage itself as a major life change and wipes the slate clean. Your previous will becomes invalid.

But oddly, when a marriage breaks down, the opposite happens. Your will stays in place unless you actively change it. For many people, that feels the wrong way round. Marriage is usually a hopeful new chapter. Divorce or separation is often a moment when you are trying to reset, protect yourself, and start again.

The idea that an old will can quietly sit in the background long after a relationship ends feels unsettling to many of the families I work with.

It is a good reminder that life changes faster than the law ever can. A will only reflects your wishes if you revisit it after the big moments in your life: marriage, separation, divorce, children, grandchildren, loss, or significant changes in your financial picture.

The law provides the structure, but only you can make sure your intentions are clearly recorded.

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25/11/2025

I cannot tell you how many times I hear parents say:

“The children don’t see the conflict.”
“They don’t hear it.”
“They don’t know what’s going on.”
And I gently need to say this:

Children feel it.

They notice the atmosphere.

They absorb the tension long before anyone speaks.

Many feel it long before the separation even happens.

What too often follows is blame.

Assumptions that the other parent is manipulating the child.

Walls get built higher and higher.

The conflict spirals and the child sits right in the middle of it.

But here’s the truth none of us want to sit with:

Children do not need to see conflict to be shaped by it.

They feel it in their bodies.

They breathe it in the home.

This is not about beating yourself up.

You have not failed.

But now that you know, you can choose to stop repeating the pattern.

It is not the other parent.

It is your child’s natural, protective ability to pick up on the slightest emotional shifts.

Environmental trauma is not just the big, obvious moments.

It is the day to day atmosphere you grew up in the tension in the air, the unpredictability, the silence after conflict, the feeling that no one was really paying attention to your heart.

Research shows that our early environment shapes the parts of the brain responsible for:
• safety and threat detection (amygdala)
• emotional regulation (prefrontal cortex)
• attachment patterns
• stress tolerance and coping

Teicher, Schore, Perry and others found that a chaotic, neglectful or emotionally unsafe home literally wires a child to stay on alert.

So children learn to:
• scan for danger
• anticipate moods
• shrink themselves
• become the easy one
• take care of adults instead of being cared for

And those adaptations do not disappear when we grow up. They follow us and show up as:
• shutting down in conflict
• overexplaining
• hyper independence
• fear of relying on others
• constant self doubt
• feeling unsafe even when nothing is wrong

Not because you are broken,

but because your early environment taught your body that safety was not guaranteed.

This is the part most people miss:

Even when your environment changes, your nervous system might still be living in the old one.

But healing is possible.

Through new, consistent experiences that teach your system:
“Things are different now.”
“I am allowed to rest.”
“I do not have to be on guard.”
“I can let someone in slowly.”

Neuroscience calls this experience-dependent plasticity, sometimes known as corrective experiences, the idea that your brain can be reshaped by what it repeatedly experiences.
With:
• safety
• predictability
• gentle relationships
• somatic work
• EMDR
• co-regulation
• and environments that do not demand you to survive

Your body can learn what safety feels like.

Your environment shaped you.

But a healthier environment can heal you too.

25/11/2025

Every week, new research and Domestic Homicide Reviews return to the same conclusion: The most accurate predictor of domestic violence homicide is the victim’s own fear. Not a checklist Not a risk tool Not a form Fear.

Going to Court for Child Arrangements: What Actually Happens After the First Hearing?Many parents apply to the Family Co...
23/11/2025

Going to Court for Child Arrangements: What Actually Happens After the First Hearing?

Many parents apply to the Family Court because they cannot agree on arrangements for their child.

This might be about where a child lives, how time is shared, holidays, communication, or specific issues like school or medical decisions.

When you apply to court, the process can feel confusing and overwhelming, especially if no one has explained what the steps look like.

Here is a clear, simple guide to what happens — in order — so you know what to expect.

The First Hearing (called the FHDRA). FHDRA stands for First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment.

It is simply the starting point of the court process.

At this hearing the judge will:
listen to both parents
check for any safety or safeguarding concerns
help identify what the issues really are
decide what needs to happen next

You are not expected to prove your whole case at this hearing.
It is about planning the next steps, not deciding the final arrangements.

So what happens after the first hearing?

Here is the usual pathway most cases follow.

1️⃣ Directions from the Court
The judge may set out tasks that need to happen before the next stage, such as:
Family Mediation
providing more information
preparing statements
arranging safe or supported contact
gathering school or medical letters
This step is just about making sure the court has the information it needs.

2️⃣ Section 7 Report (if needed)
Sometimes the court asks CAFCASS or the local authority to write a Section 7 report.
This report looks at:
your child’s wishes and feelings
your child’s needs
each parent’s ability to meet those needs
any concerns about safety or well-being
This helps the court build a full picture of your child’s situation.

3️⃣ Fact Finding Hearing (only where necessary)
If there are serious allegations that could affect your child’s safety, the court may hold a fact-finding hearing.

This is where the judge decides what is true, based on evidence.
Not every case needs this, it is only used when essential for safety.

4️⃣ The DRA – Dispute Resolution Appointment
Once evidence or reports are completed, your case usually returns for a DRA.
At the DRA, the judge will:
look at everything gathered so far
narrow down the issues
encourage both parents to reach an agreement if it is safe to do so
Many cases settle here.

5️⃣ Final Hearing (only if no agreement is reached)
If things are still unresolved, the case goes to a final hearing.
Here, the judge listens to evidence from both sides and makes a decision about your child’s arrangements.

Most cases never reach this stage because agreements are normally reached earlier.

If risk or allegations must be resolved:
FHDRA → Fact Finding → Section 7 → DRA → Final Hearing

A Simple Pathway:
FHDRA→ Directions → (Section 7 report if needed) → DRA → Final Hearing

Or
FHDRA→ Directions → Mediation → optional order by consent

15/11/2025

💙 ANDY’S MAN CLUB – LEICESTER 💙

These wristbands say it loud and clear…


A simple reminder that no man has to struggle alone.
Whether you’re having a tough week, need someone to listen, or just want to sit in a room where you’re understood — we’re here for you.

A huge thank you to our incredible facilitators who give their time every Monday and help create a safe, supportive space for men to talk, heal, and connect. You make all the difference. 🙌💬

🕖 Mondays at 7pm (except bank holidays)

📍 Leicester Forest East
Mosaic 1898
2 Oak Spinney park
Ratby Lane
Leicester LE3 3AW

📍Wigston
Holiday Inn Leicester
299 Leicester Road
Wigston
LE18 1JW

💙 Free • Confidential • No referral needed

If you’re thinking about coming along… this is your sign.
It’s okay to talk.
The door is open, the brew is ready, and you’ll be welcomed from the moment you walk in.

03/11/2025

🚨 Important Notice – Technical Faults 🚨

We’re currently experiencing technical issues that are completely outside of our control. Our emails and website are temporarily down, which means we’re not receiving any incoming emails at the moment.

If you need to reach us urgently, please call or text directly on 07889 799402 and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

We’re working with our provider to get everything back up and running as quickly as possible and really appreciate your patience in the meantime.

Thank you for bearing with us.

21/10/2025

Imagine a World Without the Fight Imagine a world where separation and divorce are not automatically pulled into a broken, adversarial system. A world where families aren’t swept into processes that can escalate harm rather than resolve it. Barristers and solicitors absolutely have their place. Th...

21/10/2025

Stop. Before You File That Court Application. Every week, judges are repeating the same message: Court is not a parenting plan. It’s a legal process designed for emergencies and evidence, not emotion. Yet far too many parents are still dragging their children through it; out of anger, pride or fea...

20/10/2025

This BBC story broke my heart because it could be any family.
A judge called it “nothing short of tragic.” Two children, two parents, years of courtrooms, accusations, and pain.

For those of us who work with families in conflict, this isn’t just news, it’s a mirror of what happens when love and fear collide, and when systems respond too late.

We must listen to children, yes but we must also listen with context.
A child’s voice is powerful, but it can also be shaped by fear, loyalty, and survival. The answer isn’t to stop listening, but to listen better, and to keep listening when things change.

This is why mediation, early intervention, and trauma-informed practice matter so much to me. Because every child deserves to feel safe, not torn.

👉 Read the full article here

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/katy-harris-2096bb85_stop-before-you-file-that-court-application-activity-738495608761735...
17/10/2025

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/katy-harris-2096bb85_stop-before-you-file-that-court-application-activity-7384956087617355776-26D7?utm_source=social_share_send&utm_medium=member_desktop_web&rcm=ACoAABIUXmkBfkj1TPDJ7-RVZwVXudzxJNy-26g

Stop. Before You File That Court Application. Every week, judges are repeating the same message: Court is not a parenting plan. It’s a legal process designed for emergencies and evidence, not emotion. Yet far too many parents are still dragging their children through it; out of anger, pride or fea...

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