ShellyTherapy

16/10/2025

Grey Divorce - Why are couples separating later in life?

Relationship therapist Shelly Dar explores why more couples are separating later in life, the emotional causes behind grey divorce, and how to reconnect.

16/10/2025

📌Note to self -

You don’t need to rush or prove anything.

Just pick up what still matters, take one honest step, and trust that it’s enough to get things moving again.

🕯️You’ve rebuilt before - you can do it again, this time softer.

Shelly 🌙

15/10/2025

Are you the one who always holds everything together - until one day, you just can’t anymore?

When the strong one breaks down, it’s rarely loud.
It’s the quiet moments. The small tears. The deep exhaustion that finally catches up.

It’s not failure - it’s your body saying stop carrying so much alone.

The breakdown is often the beginning of healing.

You don’t need to be the strong one every day.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is rest.

This is something I recommend pretty much with all my clients. You need deep rest, rather then more activity.

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone.

Follow me for calm, grounded reminders to rest before you break. Please comment your moments, share with anyone who may also need this message.

Take care 💛



I’m Shelly, a therapist helping women break free from anxiety, low self worth, and relationship struggles. My work blends practical tools with deep therapy so you can feel calm, clear, and back in control.

10/10/2025

You’re not the problem. You’ve just been surviving everyone else’s mess.

You’re not overreacting. You’ve just spent years trying to stay calm inside other people’s storms.

When someone avoids accountability, they create emotional chaos - and then call you ‘mad, dramatic’ for CALLING IT OUT.

It’s not madness. It’s your brain & body responding to confusion, dishonesty, and inconsistency.

Real calm isn’t pretending everything’s fine.
It’s recognising what’s not yours to carry anymore.

If this resonates, you’re not broken, you’re healing.
Let this land, that’s all you need to do for now, that’s huge leap of faith - for you, in itself.

Follow me for calm clarity - therapy, support and no nonsense response that cuts through chaos. Please share for anyone else that can use this message & comment your feels 🌱



My page is for wellbeing content, professional updates, and general inspiration. Any misuse, misrepresentation, or unauthorised reproduction of my content will be recorded and may be used as evidence in legal proceedings

04/10/2025

Belonging shapes how we see ourselves - and how safe we feel to be seen.

We all carry different versions of ourselves, and certain people or places seem to unlock them.

Sometimes it’s the friend who makes us laugh freely. Other times it’s the space where we can finally exhale.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on what it really means to belong - not just to others, but to yourself.

I feel I belong in the moments that ask nothing of me. A calm kitchen, a walk with someone kind, a quiet day where I can just soften.

Where do you feel most like you? Let me know in the comments please, I’m interested.

If you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, come back to yourself. That’s where home really is.

Love Shelly 🍂

28/09/2025

“Every time you swallow your truth, resentment grows”

🌿It took me a long time to see that my heaviness wasn’t always about what people did to me.

🌱It was about what I didn’t say for myself.

If you can’t say your truth, find ways to make peace within yourself - so it doesn’t stay stuck inside you.

📸This is my grandma in Kenya, early 1930’s or so. - A reminder of my heritage, and the strong, family focused loving women I come from. Their strength runs through me, and I carry it forward ✨

27/03/2025

Your Tools Influence Your Brain. Use Them Wisely.

After years of studying coherence, psychotherapy, and hypnosis, one thing has become abundantly clear to me:

The tools we engage with not only influence our actions but also reshape our brains.

Every scroll, every swipe, every beep from notifications—these interactions matter.

Social media platforms are engineered to keep us engaged, but more time online doesn’t equate to real happiness, fulfillment, or well-being.

Look at these brain scans.

One shows brain activity while enjoying a sunset, and the other reveals what happens when scrolling through instagram.

The contrast is amazing!

🔹 One scan activates areas linked to positive emotions.
🔹 The other showcases a disjointed, scattered response with minimal depth.

These brain images reflect findings from actual fMRI studies illustrating how positive emotions are generated in the brain and their connections to our feel-good neurotransmitters.

The takeaway is already clear: your focus shapes your energy.

I often discuss coherence—the harmony between mind, body, and nervous system with my clients.

But here’s the key point: if we don’t manage our device usage, they will end up managing us.

Next time you find yourself mindlessly scrolling, take a moment to reflect:
→ Does this truly enhance my mood?
→ Is this helping me move closer to my goals?
→ Is this boosting my energy or draining it?

By limiting doom scrolling, even by 5 minutes a day can lead to a significant impact.

Let’s remember that technology should be our ally, not our master.

Guard your focus.
Cultivate your mind with purpose.
Your future self will appreciate it 🙌

Regards Shelly 🌸

20/03/2025

Ramadan is dawn to dusk fasting: no food, water, or coffee. The first few days? Brutal. Headaches pounded, caffeine cravings surged. My inner voice screamed, “This is impossible!” But I chose to silence that noise.

Now, day 20, and I’m thriving. Same energy, even delivering morning speaking engagements without a drop of water or coffee. I’m not just surviving; I’m excelling.

What shifted? My mindset. We convince ourselves we need certain things to function:
“I can’t start without coffee.”
“I need water every hour.”
“Skipping meals ruins my mood.”

But are these truths, or just stories we tell ourselves?
Fasting has been a powerful lesson. It stripped away those perceived essentials, revealing what truly matters. Without caffeine, hydration, or constant snacks, I’m still here – thinking clearly, speaking confidently, performing at my best!

Your body follows your mind. If you believe you can’t operate without something, you won’t. But believe you can, and you absolutely will. Self-discipline is incredibly empowering. It separates those who lead from those who follow.

Finding purpose makes the “impossible” feel achievable. Hunger and thirst become less about deprivation when they serve a deeper meaning. It’s about growth, not suffering.

If fasting can unveil these truths, what other limits have we accepted as fact? What else can we unlearn?

Here’s a challenge: What’s one thing you believe you can’t live without?
What if that belief is a misconception?
What if you’re far more resilient than you realise?

True freedom isn’t about possessing everything you think you need; it’s about recognising your inherent strength when you have less. It’s about taking control of your mind and silencing the noise of self-imposed limitations.

Remember, your potential is far greater than you imagine. Start questioning those “needs” and discover the power within.