Ky Harkins Life Counselling Services

30/11/2025

Probably 2/3 of the clients I see are, or have been, in unhealthy relationships and I wanted to share two tools I use regularly to help.

One of the biggest things I come across is that, when someone has experienced an unhealthy relationship, they lose sight of what a healthy relationship should be.

Or often what happens, is that people grew up in an unhealthy environment and so their ‘normal’ is to look for a partnership that is similar to the one modelled by their parents.

Or sometimes, people have had a lovely childhood with their parents but there are others factors that taught them to believe they were not good enough (such as not fitting in at school, being bullied, or being isolated in some way).

Whatever it is that has caused most of the clients to feel they are not good enough (and often this is on a subconscious level, so they are not aware of it until we start talking), these two handouts are so helpful.

The Dominator - this is written as a ‘he’ which I don’t like as it is not gender specific. ‘The Dominator’ is the unhealthy character.

A partner does not need to have all of these traits to be ‘toxic’ but even a few are unhealthy.

Then we have ‘The Friend’ - the ideal partner. Now a person does not need to have every single one of these characteristics but if they have most, you’re onto a winner!

My work involves helping my clients understand the difference between a ‘healthy’ and an ‘unhealthy’ relationship and to learn and know their worth.

If any of this resonates, please don’t hesitate to get in touch, sometimes it can only take a few sessions for a client to recognise what they already know and start to make the changes for a happier life.

That doesn’t always mean the relationship has to end but knowing it’s OK to have boundaries and the biggest thing of all (in my opinion) is finding a voice! The ability to communicate your own needs.

If you would like help in understanding your relationship or how to make the changes to live a healthier life, please contact me now. 💙

Source: ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven

19/11/2025

HELP WANTED

I’m looking for six people interested in 6 free counselling sessions.

The sessions will be with adult trainee counsellors, from my offices in Southend.

No catch, no commitment. If you do wish to continue the sessions will be £10 after the six free.

We have been offering this service for a few years now and have helped over 300 people in the local area.

If you have any family or friends who you think may benefit from this offer, please share, there is no catch!

Please contact me on 07919523315 or PM me for more info.

16/11/2025

I thought I’d share some of the client stories I have worked with over the years, to give you an idea of the kind of situations counselling can help with.

Obviously I will not break any confidentiality but wanted to show you that counselling can help with so many different things.

💙 A brave and seriously strong young person, struggling with self harm, suicidal thoughts, immense anxiety and depression and an eating disorder. This amazing client thought all their issues were because there was something wrong with them.

After quite a few months, we established together that this person might have been neurodiverse and after a long process, they were diagnosed autistic which provided answers to explain so much for them and help them understand there wasn’t something wrong with them.

💙 Another client who had been in an abusive relationship that was so horrific, it broke my heart to hear what they had been through.

This person felt the abuse was their fault at times and could not see how beautiful and strong they were.

Our work together involved supporting that person through police interviews, courts etc but most of all helping them see why they had got into that relationship due to childhood beliefs they had about themselves that simply weren’t true.

This person is now out of that relationship and I’m so proud of them. They are beautiful inside and out and now starting to see that.

💙 An amazing young person who was struggling with going to their education setting and interacting in classrooms, mixing with others at lunchtime, even going to buy their lunch.

They were also struggling with obsessive behaviours at home, in an attempt to control the small things so that the bigger things didn’t matter so much.

Over time this courageous client began integrating with others and speaking up during class, gaining confidence day by day. The obsessive behaviours at home reduced and they started living a fulfilling life.

💙 A beautiful individual struggling with addictive behaviours and the lowest confidence and self belief.

Their thoughts and behaviours were affecting their work, relationships and constant negative thoughts about themselves.

This person had experienced a very difficult childhood and due to the way they were treated, believed they were worth nothing.

Slowly, I taught them how their brain was defaulting to childhood beliefs and helped them to learn to love, cherish and nurture the child inside them who had been hurt so badly.

They learned to understand the past was not their fault and that they deserved love and kindness and that they could give this to themselves.

💙 💙 💙 💙

This is just a snapshot of some of the amazing clients I have been honoured to work with.

All situations clients face, big or small are significant and my job is to help them work through their thoughts, beliefs and sometimes behaviours.

Counselling can help people with situations that are current or stuff from the past and how it is affecting them now.

I love my job and I love that people trust in me to share their deepest, darkest thoughts sometimes.

I will hold their ‘stuff’ with love, empathy and understanding. I provide a ‘safe’ and warm environment for them to explore their thoughts and feelings. I don’t have an opinion, I don’t advise and most of all, there is never any judgement.

I will listen as one of the main things I have learned from my job is that we all simply want to be heard, understood and listened to.

So if you’ve ever thought about counselling, give it a shot, what do you have to lose? There is so much to gain 💙.

15/11/2025

Happy Saturday everyone 💙.

I have spaces for counselling on our £5-£20 donation scheme.

No catch, no tie in, no pressure, just trainee counsellors needing clients to complete their qualification.

We have a range of counsellors with backgrounds in working with anxiety, depression, low self esteem, childhood issues, addiction, relationship issues, grief and so much more.

They are available days, evenings and weekends F2F in Southend or online.

We have worked with over 600 clients over the past 3 years (309 of which were with trainee counsellors).

Please PM or text 07919523315 for more info.

Counselling is not scary, if ever you’ve thought about it but haven’t taken the leap, contact us, you have nothing to lose!

You can donate as little as £5 per session and if you don’t like it you don’t have to come back (however our re-book rate is in the region of 98-99% 💙).

Please share with anyone you think may benefit from this.

Mental health is at an all time high and coming into the festive season, this can only get worse for some people.

There is no shame in asking for help. I feel confident in saying almost every one of our clients say the process can be life changing.

Invest in yourself today 💙

14/11/2025

💙

31/10/2025

As some of you may know, I have been beavering away setting up my new offices and to say I am excited is an understatement 💙.

So….to celebrate I’m offering some deals:

1. 6 FREE sessions with a trainee counsellor and then, if you want to continue, £20 a session

2. First session free with a qualified counsellor and then £50 a session thereafter.

We have offices in Nelson Street, central Southend or just off Prince Avenue, Southend.

Here’s some pics of the new rooms - not finished by any means but still lovely, I think anyway 💙.

Please PM for more info on sessions.

26/10/2025

A lot of my friends/family and I guess many of you, wonder what counselling is all about.

I know many people think it is a load of old rubbish if I’m honest but that’s OK because you don’t know what you don’t know!

Here are some lovely testimonials I have received that I think perfectly explain how counselling helps.

I love my job and reading these testimonials reminds me why I do what I do!

💙

23/10/2025

EXCITING NEWS!!

I’m very excited to announce we will be in our new offices from the 1st November.

One is in Nelson’s Street, Southend and the other is just off of Prince Avenue, Southend (near Tesco’s) and we can also do online sessions.

By way of celebrating our new offices, I am offering some special offers:

💙 6 sessions with a student Counsellor for £10 a session (after that the fee is £20)

Or,

💙 Unlimited sessions with a qualified Counsellor for £40 a session (normally £50)

Or,

💙 Unlimited sessions with a Couples Counsellor for £60 a session (normally £65 upwards).

Please contact us for details 💙

18/10/2025

Morning all,

I’m sorry I have been so quiet recently, I am moving to two new offices which is very exciting.

A little insight into my main new building in the conservation area in Southend.

The location is perfect; the seafront is walking distance (in fact we can see the sea from our balcony), right on top of the bowling green in the conservation area, stunning houses just up the road and lots of bars, restaurants, coffee shops at our finger tips 💙.

I will also be sharing the building with Victoria Counselling and Training Service, which is where it all began for me. I cannot put into words how much of an honour this is for me 💙.

In addition to this, I will have another office in a gym in Southend which offers a real community vibe with exercise, beauty treatments and physio on site too!

From working from my kitchen, to a cabin in the garden, renting one room, then two rooms and now five, all in the space of five years! Typical me, I don’t like to do anything by halves, a million miles an hour as ever 😂.

I can’t wait for the next new chapter, thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way and please come and visit me in my new posh space 💙.

26/09/2025

21/09/2025

Morning all,

Thought I better post as I haven’t done so in a while because I’m so blinking busy and I’m tired!

Life is crazy for a million reasons but I’m just the same as anyone else. Life catches up on you sometimes.

Anyone who has been to see me for counselling (or training) knows I’m very authentic. I am the first person to say life is a bit crappy right now but I’m also OK with it as I know it will pass.

I’m excited/nervous (actually very nervous 💩) to be going back into therapy myself this week but I have nothing to be nervous about.

I suppose the thing that is the scariest is being vulnerable with another person you don’t know. I know I will cry every week but I’m almost looking forward to allowing myself that release.

Therapy is so many things but for me it’s clarity. When my brain starts to get a bit jumbled, therapy will help me ‘unjumble’ it. (I don’t think that’s a word but who cares 😂).

So…. For those of you who see me currently or have done, know that I will be going through the same process. I will reveal my pain and I know my therapist will hold it for me and allow me the space to work through it.

I know in a few weeks/months I will start to feel less burdened, I will be thinking more clearly and life will start to be less confusing.

Anyway, not too sure about the point of this post other than to let you know I’m human and I know how brave every one of my clients are, past and present.

If anyone is thinking about counselling, don’t be scared, it’s such an enlightening process and is so ‘freeing’ too.

Happy Sunday all,

Lots of love,
A tired (and slightly hungover 😂) Me 🩷 ###

14/09/2025

I asked a couple of male clients to share their thoughts about counselling.

The reason I asked the men is because I still find men experience more shame in asking for help.

Sadly, many men still have this opinion that they should be able to deal with things on their own without help.

This saddens me as who says men ‘should’ be able to deal with things on their own? What a load of ‘codswallop’ (as my Nan would say)!

No-one should suffer alone, no matter what age, gender, sexuality, culture, religion etc, everyone needs a little help sometimes 💙.

Thank you to my two lovely clients for allowing me to help. I love my job and wouldn’t change it for anything 💙.