The Reflective Therapist

19/01/2026

Ever notice how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Buddhism’s Eightfold Path are kind of on the same wavelength? Both are really about training the mind to reduce suffering.

CBT helps us spot unhelpful thoughts, change behaviors that reinforce them, and manage our emotions. The Eightfold Path does something very similar, but through ethics, mindfulness, and meditation.
• When CBT asks us to see our thoughts clearly, the Eightfold Path encourages Right View—seeing reality as it is.
• When CBT has us take small steps to change unhelpful habits, the Path guides Right Action and Right Speech—living ethically and kindly.
• When CBT teaches us to notice emotions without getting lost in them, the Path invites Right Mindfulness—being fully present with body, mind, and feelings.
• And just like CBT encourages consistent practice to form new mental habits, the Path emphasizes Right Effort—cultivating wholesome habits and letting go of harmful ones.

In short: whether through therapy or spiritual practice, both are about understanding our minds, aligning with wholesome intentions, and reducing suffering. Two paths, same destination.

17/01/2026

Ever notice how we spend so much time reliving the past or worrying about the future… and almost no time actually being here? 🤯

That’s where Gestalt Therapy comes in.

Gestalt isn’t about fixing you (because you’re not broken).
It’s about awareness — noticing what you feel, think, and do right now. In this moment. In your body. In your relationships.

✨ The magic happens when you stop asking “Why am I like this?”
and start asking “What is happening for me right now?”

Gestalt therapy helps you:
• reconnect with yourself
• take responsibility (without shame)
• complete unfinished emotional business
• show up more fully in your life and relationships

It’s real. It’s experiential. Sometimes uncomfortable. Often freeing.
And always human.

Because healing doesn’t happen in theory — it happens in presence. 🌱

If this resonates, drop a 💬 or a ❤️
What does “being present” mean to you right now?

17/01/2026

Who EFT Is For (And Why It Matters) 🧩✨

EFT isn’t only for couples in crisis.

It’s for anyone who has ever thought:
“I don’t feel emotionally safe anymore.”
“I want closeness, but I’m afraid of rejection.”
“We love each other, but we keep missing each other.”

EFT supports:
💑 Couples seeking deeper connection
🧍‍♀️ Individuals healing attachment wounds
👨‍👩‍👧 Families navigating change and conflict

At its heart, EFT is about helping people feel seen, safe, and secure in the relationships that matter most.

✨ Follow for more on attachment, healing, and emotionally healthy relationships.

17/01/2026

EFT Is About Emotions — Not Emotional Flooding 🌊➡️🌱

EFT doesn’t push people into overwhelming emotions.

It helps emotions become:
• Slower
• Clearer
• Safer

Clients learn how to:
❤️ Access core emotions (fear, sadness, longing)
🗣️ Express needs without blame or shutdown
🤝 Respond to vulnerability with empathy

This is how trust is rebuilt — not through logic, but through emotional presence.

Safety first.
Then connection.

💾 Save this if emotional safety matters to you.

12/01/2026

The Negative Cycle Is the Real Enemy 🔄⚠️

In EFT, your partner is not the problem.

The problem is the cycle that takes over when emotions run high.

One person may pursue for reassurance
The other may withdraw to feel safe
Both end up feeling alone, unseen, and misunderstood

EFT helps couples:
1️⃣ Identify their unique cycle
2️⃣ Slow it down in real time
3️⃣ Understand the fears and needs driving it

When the cycle becomes the enemy —
partners can stand on the same side again.

🔁 Share this if conflict feels repetitive and exhausting.

12/01/2026

Why EFT Works (The Science Behind It) 🧠🔬

EFT isn’t about “venting feelings.”
It’s a structured, evidence-based approach rooted in attachment theory.

Decades of research show EFT:
✔️ Reduces relationship distress
✔️ Increases emotional responsiveness
✔️ Creates lasting change — not just temporary relief

Why?
Because EFT works with the nervous system, not against it.

When emotional safety is restored:
• Defensiveness softens
• Vulnerability becomes possible
• Connection becomes reliable again

Healing happens when people feel emotionally held.

🧠 Follow for therapy insights grounded in science and humanity.

11/01/2026

What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? 💬❤️

Ever notice how the same argument keeps coming back — just with different words?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps people understand the emotional meaning underneath conflict, especially in close relationships.

EFT is based on one core truth:
We are wired for connection.

When connection feels safe, we open.
When it feels threatened, we protect — through anger, withdrawal, shutdown, or distance.

EFT helps shift relationships from:
🛑 Reacting in protection
➡️ Responding in connection

Because beneath every reaction is an unmet emotional need.

📌 Save this if you want relationships that feel emotionally safe.

11/01/2026

An excellent counsellor blends a mix of personal qualities, professional skills, and ethical awareness. It’s not just about giving advice—it’s about creating a space where someone feels truly seen, heard, and supported. Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Core Personal Qualities
• Empathy: The ability to genuinely understand and feel, to some extent, what the client is experiencing without judgment.
• Patience: Change and healing take time, and a good counsellor doesn’t rush the process.
• Authenticity: Being real and sincere helps build trust; clients sense when someone is genuine.
• Emotional stability: They can manage their own emotions and remain composed, even when clients share heavy or triggering experiences.
• Curiosity and open-mindedness: They stay interested in understanding each client’s unique perspective, avoiding assumptions or stereotypes.

2. Communication Skills
• Active listening: Fully focusing on what the client says, reflecting back to show understanding, and noticing non-verbal cues.
• Clear, compassionate language: Explaining thoughts or strategies in ways that are understandable, without being condescending.
• Asking thoughtful questions: Encouraging deeper reflection without pushing clients into discomfort.
• Validation: Acknowledging feelings and experiences as real and important.

3. Professional Competence
• Knowledge of theories and techniques: Understanding counseling models (like CBT, person-centered therapy, solution-focused therapy) and knowing when to use them.
• Problem-solving without giving “fixes”: Helping clients explore their own solutions rather than imposing advice.
• Adaptability: Adjusting methods to fit each client’s needs and cultural background.
• Confidentiality and ethics: Maintaining trust and professional boundaries.

4. Self-Awareness
• Reflection on their own biases and triggers: Ensuring their personal views don’t interfere with client care.
• Commitment to growth: Engaging in supervision, continued learning, and self-care to remain effective.

5. Relational Skills
• Building rapport: Making clients feel comfortable and safe to share.
• Non-judgmental attitude: Clients need to feel they can reveal their struggles without fear of criticism.
• Encouragement and hope: Inspiring clients to recognize their strengths and potential for growth.

In essence, an excellent counsellor is part skilled professional, part compassionate human being, and part reflective learner. It’s the combination of heart, mind, and ethics that really makes the difference.

11/01/2026

11/01/2026

Imagine a hiker, exhausted and frustrated, sitting by a roaring river in the middle of a dense forest. The trail has been confusing, the weather unpredictable, and the hiker feels lost—not just physically, but emotionally. Nearby, a reflective therapist sits quietly on a rock, not rushing in with solutions or directions.

Instead, the therapist notices the hiker’s tension, the way their hands clench around their trekking pole, the slight slump in their shoulders. They gently say:

“It looks like the trail and the weather are really wearing you down. And maybe it’s more than just the hike—you seem to be carrying a lot on your mind right now.”

The therapist mirrors back the hiker’s experience without judgment, helping them name what’s happening internally. They might ask, “What part of this river or this forest feels hardest right now?” prompting the hiker to reflect on their own feelings and thoughts.

Through this reflection, the hiker begins to see patterns in their reactions—perhaps noticing that they panic when paths become unclear, or that the quiet of the forest both frightens and soothes them. The therapist doesn’t give the answer or dictate a path; they hold the space, shine a light on the hiker’s inner experience, and guide them toward their own insight.

By the time they resume hiking, the hiker is not just moving forward physically—they’ve also gained a little clarity and calm about the emotional terrain they’re navigating.

11/01/2026

1. Core Principles of Gestalt Therapy Relevant to Reflective Counsellors

Gestalt Therapy (founded by Fritz Perls, Laura Perls, and Paul Goodman) is experiential and process-oriented. Its main focus is awareness in the present moment, both for the client and the practitioner. For reflective counsellors, this is gold because it encourages you to monitor your own reactions, biases, and patterns while supporting others. Key principles include:

1. Here-and-Now Awareness
• Emphasis on what is happening in the moment, not just the client’s past or future plans.
• Reflective counsellors notice bodily sensations, emotional reactions, and thoughts that arise while engaging with the client.
2. Phenomenological Approach
• Seeing the client’s experience from their perspective, suspending your own assumptions.
• Encourages counsellors to reflect on “What am I noticing in myself as I notice this in them?”
3. Field Theory
• Individuals exist within an environment (field) that shapes their experience.
• For counsellors: pay attention to relational dynamics and how your presence affects the therapeutic field.
4. Figure-Ground Formation
• Awareness of what stands out (figure) versus background experiences.
• Reflective practice: noticing what grabs your attention in sessions and exploring why certain things emerge for you and the client.
5. Experiments & Contact
• Gestalt encourages experiential exercises (role-plays, “empty chair,” guided imagery).
• Counsellors reflect on how these interventions affect themselves and the client, deepening empathy and insight.

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2. Reflective Counselling through a Gestalt Lens

Being reflective means being aware of your internal reactions, biases, and the impact of your interventions. Gestalt offers tools for this:
• Self-Awareness Check-ins:
• Before, during, and after sessions, ask:
• “What am I feeling right now?”
• “What sensations or thoughts arise as the client speaks?”
• “Which of my reactions are my own vs. what might be mirroring the client?”
• Use of “I Statements”:
• Expressing your experience from a first-person perspective helps maintain clarity and authenticity without projecting onto the client:
• Example: “I notice tension in my shoulders as we discuss this topic. I’m curious if this reflects your tension or mine?”
• Mindful Observation:
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues, both yours and the client’s, as part of the therapeutic dialogue.
• Reflection: “Which gestures or tones am I drawn to, and what do they reveal?”
• Processing Countertransference:
• Gestalt encourages recognising the counsellor’s feelings as part of the therapeutic material.
• Reflective practice involves journaling or supervision to explore these dynamics.

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3. Practical Gestalt Exercises for Reflective Counsellors

Here are a few ways reflective counsellors can engage with Gestalt techniques personally:
1. Empty Chair Technique (Self-Reflection Version)
• Talk to different parts of yourself (e.g., anxious self, critical self) to notice inner conflicts and biases.
2. Body Awareness Exercise
• Tune into physical sensations during sessions: tension, warmth, restlessness.
• Reflective insight: bodily cues often indicate emotional resonance or blind spots.
3. Dialogical Reflection
• After sessions, replay the interaction in your mind, noticing moments where you felt “pulled” or reactive.
• Ask: “What does this reveal about my assumptions, preferences, or unresolved issues?”
4. Experiential Journaling
• Focus on describing what actually happened (phenomenological), not interpreting it immediately.
• This enhances both self-awareness and fidelity to the client’s experience.

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4. Why Gestalt Supports Reflective Practice
• Enhances self-awareness → allows counsellors to work from presence, not projection.
• Promotes curiosity → encourages noticing subtle dynamics rather than jumping to solutions.
• Strengthens relational sensitivity → deepens understanding of the client-counsellor field.
• Encourages integration → unites thought, emotion, and bodily experience in reflection.

11/01/2026

Transactional Analysis (TA), but specifically in the context of reflective therapists—therapists who focus on self-awareness, insight, and reflective practice in their work. Let’s break this down thoroughly.

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1. Quick Primer on Transactional Analysis (TA)

Transactional Analysis, developed by Eric Berne, is both a theory of personality and a psychotherapeutic approach. At its core, TA looks at how people communicate (“transactions”) and how internal states (“ego states”) influence behavior.

The key elements are:

a) Ego States
Every person has three primary ego states:
1. Parent (P) – Contains the attitudes and behaviors we learned from authority figures.
• Critical Parent: judgmental, controlling
• Nurturing Parent: caring, supportive
2. Adult (A) – The rational, data-driven, problem-solving self.
3. Child (C) – The emotional, instinctive self.
• Free Child: spontaneous, playful
• Adapted Child: compliant, conforming

A reflective therapist can use awareness of their own ego states to avoid countertransference or over-identifying with clients’ emotional states.

b) Transactions
• Communication occurs between ego states of two people.
• Complementary: Expected response (Adult–Adult → Adult–Adult)
• Crossed: Unexpected response (Adult–Adult → Child–Parent) → can cause conflict
• Ulterior: Hidden motives (what’s said vs. what’s really meant)

Reflective therapists can notice crossed or ulterior transactions in therapy, helping the client explore hidden dynamics.

c) Life Scripts
• TA posits that people develop life scripts (unconscious life plans) in childhood based on parental messages.
• Reflective therapists can help clients notice and re-author scripts that limit them.

d) Games
• Recurring, unhealthy interaction patterns where people play roles that reinforce scripts.
• Therapists use reflection to help clients recognize and step out of these patterns.

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2. Applying TA in Reflective Therapy

Reflective therapists tend to emphasize self-awareness and meta-cognition—TA can support this by:
1. Mapping Ego States
• Reflective therapists can monitor which ego state is dominant in themselves and in clients during sessions.
• Example: “I notice I’m slipping into my Nurturing Parent when the client seems stuck—maybe I should shift to Adult for clarity.”
2. Analyzing Transactions
• Observing patterns without immediate judgment.
• Example: Client responds to rational advice with defiance → indicates a Child ego state reaction.
3. Exploring Scripts
• Using TA to reflect on the client’s life story and its unconscious influences.
• Helps clients re-author limiting scripts with more Adult awareness.
4. Recognizing Games
• Reflective therapists can notice when clients (or themselves) fall into repeated dysfunctional interaction patterns.
• Promotes conscious intervention rather than reactive engagement.

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3. Reflective Therapist’s Lens on TA
• Self-reflection first: Being aware of one’s own ego states prevents enmeshment or reactive patterns.
• Meta-communication: Helping the client observe their own transactions encourages autonomy and insight.
• Focus on growth: Use TA not just diagnostically but as a mirror for self-understanding and intentional change.
• Non-judgmental observation: Reflective therapists aim to understand rather than fix.

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4. Example in Practice

Suppose a client repeatedly interrupts you during sessions.
• TA lens: Could be Child ego state seeking attention; maybe a script like “I’m not heard unless I act out.”
• Reflective approach: Therapist notices own Parent ego state rising (“I need to control this!”) → shifts to Adult: “I’m noticing interruptions—let’s explore what happens when you feel unheard.”