James Marquis Psychology

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Therapy, Community, & Education for all things Mental Health, Good Health & Psychology - Delivering to Individuals & Organisations

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We all walk around with an invisible rulebook we sometimes don't even know we're following. Rules like:"Don't ask for wh...
02/03/2026

We all walk around with an invisible rulebook we sometimes don't even know we're following. Rules like:

"Don't ask for what you need - you'll be too much."
"Never show weakness - people will see you're not capable."
"Stay small - success makes others uncomfortable."
"Don't trust your judgment - you always get it wrong."

Most often, you absorbed them.

A man I worked with had a rule he didn't realise: "Never celebrate your wins."

Every time something good happened - a promotion, an achievement, a compliment - he'd immediately downplay it.

"Oh, I just got lucky."
"Anyone could have done it."
"It's not that big a deal."

He thought he was being humble.

Here's what we uncovered:

Growing up, his dad had a fragile ego. Whenever he succeeded, his dad would either dismiss it, compete with it, or feel threatened and withdraw.

So his brain wrote a rule: "Success makes people pull away. Stay small to stay connected."

That rule served him as a child. It kept his relationship with his dad somewhat intact.

But at 40? It was destroying his confidence and stalling his career.

The rulebook you're following was written when you were young, by people who had their own wounds and limitations.

Those rules made sense then. But they might be completely wrong for who you are now.

Most people never question the rulebook. They just keep following rules they don't remember learning, wondering why life feels so restrictive.

Understanding lets you rewrite the rules.

Aware of a "rule" you've been following that you never consciously chose - and might not even be yours?... 💭

Going under the lights this morning 📽💡🎬 With the good man Rob Hallam at Big Tank Productions Limited.Great to catch with...
27/02/2026

Going under the lights this morning 📽💡🎬 With the good man Rob Hallam at Big Tank Productions Limited.

Great to catch with you Rob and see the headquarters. Great studio, an enjoyable morning 😊👍🏻

Your anxiety isn't trying to ruin your life.It's trying to save it.A woman came to see me with crippling social anxiety....
25/02/2026

Your anxiety isn't trying to ruin your life.

It's trying to save it.

A woman came to see me with crippling social anxiety. Parties, meetings, even coffee with friends - her body could flood with panic.

She thought: "Why am I like this? Everyone else can handle these situations just fine."

Here's what we discovered:

When she was 12, her family moved to a new town. New school, no friends. She tried to fit in and be herself.

And got brutally rejected.

The established kids shunned her. She spent lunch breaks alone, feeling like something was was fundamentally wrong somehow.

Her nervous system learned something that year:

Being visible = danger
Being yourself = rejection
Social situations = threat

Fast forward 20 years.

Her adult brain knows a work meeting isn't dangerous.

But her nervous system? It's still protecting that 12-year-old girl who learned being seen leads to pain.

So it floods her with anxiety. Not to punish her. To protect her.

The anxiety isn't the problem. It's a protection mechanism working overtime on outdated information.

Once she understood this, everything could shift.

She stopped seeing anxiety as evidence that something was wrong, or worse, wrong with her...

She started seeing it as her mind trying to keep her safe the only way it knew how.

And once you see the pattern clearly, you can update it.

"I'm not 12 anymore. Being visible is safe now. I don't need this level of protection."

It's just old programming.

Any situations that trigger anxiety for you that might just be your mind trying to protect you from something that felt dangerous years ago?...💭

19/02/2026

Some people think therapy is about talking through your problems until they go away.

It's not.

Here's what therapy does when it actually works:

It gives you the information your mind has been missing.

A man came to see me who couldn't accept compliments.

Someone would praise his work, and he'd immediately deflect. "Oh, it was nothing." "Anyone could have done it." "I just got lucky."

He knew it was a problem. He'd tried to stop. But every time someone said something nice, the words came out before he could stop them.

We didn't spend months analysing why.

We looked at what his mind had learned.

It turns out that growing up, standing out wasn't safe.

His dad had a fragile ego. If he succeeded, his dad felt threatened.

So his brain learned early: downplay yourself, stay small, don't outshine anyone.

That strategy worked brilliantly when he was 12.

But at 35? It was killing his career and confidence.

Once he understood that - really understood it - the pattern lost its grip.

Because his mind finally had new information:

"You're not 12 anymore. Standing out is okay to do now. You don't need that protection. A different choice is available, and is okay."

That's what good therapy does.

It doesn't make you a different person. It allows updates from running on outdated software.

Your mind is often doing exactly what it was designed to do - protect you based on what it learned years ago.

Therapy just gives it the update: "We're safe now. We can respond differently."

Have you ever had a moment where understanding something about yourself changed everything - not through effort, but through clarity? 💭

17/02/2026

Many people experience their minds as being a bit like a broken appliance sometimes.

Something's not working, so they try to fix it.

They read self-help books, download apps, try breathing exercises, force themselves to "think positive."

And when it doesn't stick, they think: "I'm just not disciplined enough."

But here's what I've learned after nearly two decades in psychology:

Rather than occupying or distracting ourselves with 'fixes', our minds need understanding.

Think about it like this:

If your car starts making a strange noise, you could ignore it, cover it with louder music, or tell yourself to just drive better.

Or you could open the bonnet and understand what's actually happening.

Once you understand the cause, the solution becomes obvious.

Your mind works the same way.

That anxiety that won't quit? It's not random.
That shutdown in conflict? It has a source.
That self-sabotage right before good things happen? It's following a pattern.

The problem is we've been taught to manage symptoms, not understand systems.

We try to fix the anxiety without understanding what it's protecting us from. Stop the shutdown without seeing why staying present felt unsafe. Override self-sabotage without recognizing the belief driving it.

And then we wonder why willpower isn't enough.

It's because willpower can't override something you don't understand.

Understanding creates lasting change.

Not because it makes you a different person, but because once you see *why* your mind does what it does, you can work with it instead of against it.

You stop fighting yourself and start operating with clarity.

Are there ways that your mind and headspace go that instead of covering up and ignoring that 'noise', you might be better to understand instead?...

14/02/2026

Superb out there 💫

13/02/2026

A client once told me: "I keep choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable. I know it won't work, but I can't help it."

Here's what we discovered:

When she was young, her dad was physically present but emotionally absent. There, but never really *there*.

So her nervous system learned something:

Love = working hard for someone's attention
Connection = proving you're worth their time
Relationship = hoping today's the day they finally show up

By adulthood, her brain had a template for what love "should" feel like.

So when she met someone emotionally available - consistent, present, genuinely interested - her brain didn't recognize it as love.

It felt wrong. Boring. Like something was missing.

Because her system was calibrated to detect love through absence, not presence.

Once she understood this, everything shifted.

She stopped blaming herself for "always choosing the wrong person."

She saw it clearly: her mind wasn't sabotaging her. It was trying to find what it had learned to call love.

And once you see the pattern, you can consciously choose something different.

That's the power of understanding.

Not to excuse your choices, but to see where they come from.

You can't change what you don't understand.

With right awareness, comes the potential for more aligned and empowered choices.

11/02/2026

It's not a bad little winter workspace I don't suppose 😊💫

A fundamental self-check if you’re experiencing stress, anxiety or overwhelm.What happens when you put the wrong fuel in...
10/02/2026

A fundamental self-check if you’re experiencing stress, anxiety or overwhelm.

What happens when you put the wrong fuel in your car?...

- A jolt of regret, some colourful self-talk, and a call for help you could have done without… 😬

What happens if you repeatedly put the wrong fuel in, even when the engine is already struggling??...

When clients arrive saying “I can’t focus”, “I’m exhausted”, “I feel flat, anxious, unmotivated”, a useful check sometimes is this:

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲?
W𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 ‘f𝘂𝗲𝗹’ 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲?

By fuel, I do mean food, drinks & intake… But also:

• Endless screen use & multi-switching
• News and media designed to hijack attention
• Alcohol used to “switch off” but it depletes the system…
• Sugar, caffeine and stimulants to push through but they bring the crash…
• Habits of scrolling that make you feel worse not better…

As Johann Hari explores in Stolen Focus, many of our struggles are not personal failures—but natural symptoms of trends & environments that drain attention, energy and nervous systems.

You can’t just mindfulness your way out of a system that’s constantly pushed to an unnaturally imbalanced place.

Sometimes progress doesn’t start with fixing you… It starts with changing what's repeatedly pouring in.

A gentler, more honest place to begin:

👉 What am I running on?
👉 Is this fuel actually fit for what I’m wanting of myself?

**From the attached images – If you are doing 4 or more of the unhelpful habits regularly, it is very likely that these would work against being able to feel mentally settled**

And to say here – I am not one to act as the ‘fun police’!

If you’re happy, all good, and enjoying yourself then you go for it! Live well and have fun 😊

But if you’re at a point where you’re struggling…

- Whether it’s food, drink, stimulants… screens, tech or media - Only consume what nourishes you.

I've worked with over 850 people who felt like something was going fundamentally wrong with them.In most cases, it wasn'...
05/02/2026

I've worked with over 850 people who felt like something was going fundamentally wrong with them.

In most cases, it wasn't true.

Here's what I learned:

When I was ten, I was sitting in a tree with my cousin on a summer evening. We weren't doing anything special - just talking, being kids, getting excited about life.

I remember this electric feeling. Like we'd discovered something true. That life was beautiful, fun, full of possibility! It made sense in a way that felt wonderful to see.

Even then, I was drawn to understanding how life works - not on the surface, but underneath it.

That feeling shifted as I grew older.

My teenage years weren't a total disaster, but they were quietly heavy. My dad had left. I struggled with confidence, I had a subtly bad friend undermining me socially. I felt disconnected in ways that were hard to navigate.

I had friends, family, support - but inside, I often felt deflated. I'd lost that sense of inner alignment I felt so clearly at ten years old.

What carried me through was connection. Good people. Shared moments. Seeing evidence that life could be lived well.

And later, through travel, study, learning from positive people around me, even yoga and time in India - I came back to that early feeling from back in the tree!

The sense that life isn't just harsh and heavy. That we're not powerless. That understanding ourselves can give us real agency.

It wasn't about becoming someone else. It was about remembering what was already right within me.

I've worked in mental health settings and with hundreds of people.

And here's what I keep seeing:

People try to fix themselves with 'stuff', 'supplements', 'more money', 'more youtube knowledge' They don't look to understand how their mind actually works.

The vast majority aren't broken. They're just operating without the manual.

And once you understand the system - why you react the way you do, where your patterns come from, what's happening beneath the surface - everything changes.

Not because you've become someone different, but because you've found genuine clarity and self-assurance. You've moved beyond the self-doubt and quiet frustration.

Have you ever felt like you lost that clarity? Did you find it again?

Let me know. Our stories often help others in theirs. 💭

After 18+ years in psychology, here's the #1 thing people get wrong about their minds:When they find themselves struggl...
02/02/2026

After 18+ years in psychology, here's the #1 thing people get wrong about their minds:

When they find themselves struggling, they think there's something fundamentally wrong with them.

They're not broken though. Not even close.

Here's what's actually happening:

You look at your patterns - the anxiety that won't quit, the relationships that keep repeating, the self-doubt that shows up at the worst times - and think "I must be broken."

But you're not broken. You're just working with outdated programming.

Let me explain:

When you were young, your brain learned how to keep you safe. It figured out what got you connection, what got you rejected, what felt dangerous, what felt secure.

And it built automatic patterns around those lessons.

The problem? Many of those patterns were created when you were 5, 8, 12 years old.

Your adult life is asking you to respond in ways your childhood self never learned.

So when you feel anxious before a big moment, or shut down during conflict, or sabotage good things right before they happen - it's not because you're defective.

It's because your mind is still running programs designed for a different version of your life.

The good news? Patterns can be updated.

Not through willpower or just "thinking positive."

Through understanding.

When you understand WHY your mind does what it does, you stop seeing yourself as the problem.

You start seeing yourself as someone who simply needs new information.

That's the shift that changes everything.

From "What's wrong with me?" to "What am I responding to that I don't fully understand yet?"

Do you recognize any old patterns still running in your adult life? 💭

Address

34 Castle Street
Liverpool
L20NR

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 5pm
Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 9am - 5pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

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