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The Sex Doctor

Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from The Sex Doctor, Psychologist, London Borough of Islington.

'The S*x Doctor' is Dr Karen Gurney, Clinical Psychologist & Psychos*xologist, and director of The Havelock Clinic- a team of the UKs best doctors, psychologists and pelvic health physiotherapists helping you get the s*x life you want.

26/07/2024

How we respond when our partners turn down our advances matters for s3xual satisfaction in our relationships

I mentioned some of this wonderful research from the team in my new book.

Did you know that *how* you respond when another person feels they can't get in the zone makes such a difference?

Which of the four rejection styles -

💥Understanding
💥Enticing
💥Insecure
💥Resentful

show up most in your s3x life? 🤔

Why not try out a different response? If you want to create change in your s3xual relationship right now to improve it, it would be to try and adopt more understanding responses.

This can feel hard of course, when s3x has felt like an issue and you are worried, anxious or resentful about how s3x has left you feeling. There's also research to demonstrate that the way the person turning down delivers the message makes a huge difference also. More on this in a different post!

Whats your experience of people's responses to rejection, now and in the past?

What does their response lead you to do more or less of in future s3xual situations?

Slides from along with their excellent contribution to s3x science as always!

15/07/2024

Do you have s3x with men?

Do you always expect them to be up for it and take it personally if they aren't?

We often have an idea that men are always up for it based on unhelpful stereotypes about male s3xuality. But how does these ideas affect how men feel they have to show up during s3x?

Research* demonstrates that ‘most men indicated that their s3xual desire was sometimes feigned in order to appear more masculine or to prevent upsetting their partner. ‘ In other words, sometimes men pretend to be into it or up for it because of this stereotype.

What do you think about this?

How do you feel or respond when he says ‘I'm not sure I'm feeling it’?

I'd love you to comment here, but if you want to.comment but stay anonymous head to my stories

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(*for the s*x geeks 🤓 Murray (2018) S*x Roles: Issue 78: 130-141)

*x *x *xresearch

09/07/2024

URGENT- There is currently a government consultation to mandate relationship and s*x education in schools, which broadly restricts teachers from being able to discuss essential topics at certain ages and is not LGBT+ inclusive. The evidence suggests that restricting s*x ed harms young people rather than protecting them.

PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING INVOLVED!- you have 48 hours to comment (deadline 11th July)- and you can provide a short (5 min) or longer response. (Link to *xpositive in my stories that have further info and guidance to support your response)

Just in case you aren't aware of how crucial this is;

Comprehensive s*x education leads to*;

🎯decreased rates of intimate partner violence

🎯reductions in child s*xual abuse

🎯healthier relationships with others

🎯improved social and emotional learning skills

🎯greater ability to critically analyse media and understand its impact on one’s sense of self

🎯reduced homophobia and transphobia toward LGBTQ+ students from their peers

I also can't quite believe I'm having to say this in 2024, but you CANNOT remove conversations of gender identity from good s*x education. The proposed new RHSE guidance which will be MANDATORY for schools bans teachers from having conversations about gender identity. EVERYTHING about the above topics are connected to gender, from power, consent and patriarchy to body image and objectification. It's anti-trans rhetoric suggesting that gender identity is 'a contested issue' and its not JUST unhelpful to gender diverse young people - EVERYONE has an experience of gender identity and for EVERYONE gender is crucial to our s*xual and relational wellbeing.

There is also a bizarre over focus on 'teaching about the benefits of marriage' in the guidance, with no real evidence why, with schools being told being able to talk about LGBT+ families is 'optional' rather than essential

More on this in the comments as too much to say for this post! 👇

07/07/2024

"Psychos*xologist Dr Karen Gurney, also known as The S*x Doctor, explains in her new book How to Not Let Having Kids Ruin Your S*x Life that s*xual desire and satisfaction are at their lowest when you have young children. Offering a compassionate guide on how to navigate this, Gurney tells me that one of the societal issues is that we view s*x as though it's an on/off switch – either you’re having s*x or not having it at all. 'This is particularly difficult after birth as it reduces our s*x life to types of s*x that may feel completely inaccessible to many,' she says."

Read the whole piece by on her own experience of feeling distant from the idea of s*x with advice from me and at the link in my stories.

Is your s*x life affected by having young kids? 🤔

04/07/2024

Our primary lifetime s*xual relationship, whether we have s*xual partners or not, is with ourselves.

How often do we give ourselves permission to really enjoy it, expand it and indulge in it? How often do we look at where we've come from, how much we've moved over the years or decades?

So many people I see have an idea that this relationship should become more distant if you have a s*xual partner(s) - based on an idea that this should be 'enough' or is somehow 'better than'?

But we can't get all of our s*xual needs met by one person (or even several!) - sometimes we will want to be s*xual at a time or in a way that others aren't up for.

Sometimes working on your s*x life alone is an important strategy for improving your s*x life with others, as you have other ways to feel true s*xual pleasure, freedom and satisfaction without having to be dependent on another person. There's less riding on that other person or people being your everything.

Let me know your thoughts!

📷 for

29/06/2024

Happy Pride People! REMEMBER Pride is a Protest !

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Via

27/06/2024

Thanks British Menopause Society for inviting me to speak at your annual conference on

'Is there more to desire than testosterone '

(spoiler alert! There absolutely is!)

Desire is underpinned by hormones but hormones are only part of the picture.

It was a pleasure to meet so many of you and hear all the other excellent talks of the day.

I know many of you want resources to share in clinic so links to the resources I mentioned in my bio and will put some links in my stories this eve. I've done many podcasts on desire but this episode with Steph Douglas always gets such good feedback. Link with the rest or find the episode 'S*x in long term relationships' in the podcast.

Until next time!

14/06/2024

Reflect on your s*x education for a second.

What did you learn that you wished you hadn't? What did no one tell you that you needed to know? What have you had to learn yourself and you could have done with knowing decades ago?

S*x education has been defined* as:

"Giving an understanding of human s*xuality: the s*xual knowledge, beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviours of individuals. It includes various dimensions such as anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry of the s*xual response system. It includes identity, orientation and roles, as well as personality, thoughts, feelings and relationships."

My guess is that you learned a lot about reproductive anatomy but not pleasure giving anatomy? (Such as the cl****is)

Or much about fear and risk, and nothing of the psychological, physical or relational rewards s*x could bring?

Did anyone talk to you about the devastating impact that not talking about gender, power, consent, bodily autonomy and marginalisation can have on your early s*xual experiences?

In 2024 the UK government are looking to roll back s*x education at a time its never been more needed. More on this over the next week but for now, what are your thoughts on your experience of this?

* SEICUS position statement 2020

creates this gorgeous image 😍

18/05/2024

An actual picture of me, looking at the long list of evidence that isn't represented in the government's new s*x and relationships guidance for schools.

Been having a little insta break, but rest assured I'll be picking this important topic and other s*x nuggets up for you in the next few days.

❤️

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08/05/2024

"Your s*x life can not only survive having kids it may even be better for it"

Thanks for this 4 page spread on my book How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your S*x Life.

The one mistake I see people make is giving up on the prospect that their s*x life could be better, just because they don't have the knowledge or tools to address it.

It's a privilege to be able to get the tools out there!

24/03/2024

Thanks for the interview and the great write up of How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your S*x Life!

20/03/2024

In s*x research, (cis het) men report an average of approximately 14 lifetime partners compared to (cis het) women’s estimates of 7

So who are these men having s*x with?!

(Same s*x explanations and paid for s*x taken into account)

Research suggests that for cis het men there is

🧮 A greater tendency report extreme numbers

🧮 A greater tendency to estimate rather that count exact numbers

🧮 Oh- and my absolute favourite fact - men who over estimate rather than recall accurate numbers of s*xual partners are most likely to guess and report a number ending in ‘0’ or ‘5’. )

Its also likely that the impact of gendered social norms on self-opinion about number of s*xual partners have knock on effects of how they are then reported (in ALL directions). So perhaps women are underestimating, and men overestimating, in line with ideas about 'body count' held in society.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever rounded up or down? Does it matter to you?

* Mitchell et al(2019) Why Do Men Report More Opposite-S*x S*xual Partners Than Women? Analysis of the Gender Discrepancy in a British National Probability Survey, The Journal of S*x Research, 56:1, 1-8

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Address

London Borough Of Islington

Opening Hours

Monday	8am - 8pm
Tuesday	8am - 8pm
Wednesday	8am - 8pm
Thursday	8am - 8pm
Friday	8am - 8pm
Saturday	8am - 5pm

Website

http://www.thehavelockclinic.com/

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