Benjamin Fry

Benjamin is the Founder of NeuralSolution, Khiron House and Get Stable. He is an accredited psychotherapist, author and entrepreneur.

25/07/2025

Connection alone doesn’t heal trauma.

Healing begins when the nervous system finds safety. Not in grand gestures, but in consistent presence. When love offers reliability instead of intensity, when it listens more than it explains, the body begins to relax its defenses.

It’s not the feeling of love, but the felt sense of safety within it that slowly reorients us. Connection that is calm, patient, and attuned becomes the scaffold for repair, not because it fixes us, but because it allows us to feel safe enough to heal.

🔗 https://bit.ly/3RxkobB

24/07/2025

Not all breakthroughs look dramatic. Sometimes healing sounds like silence—staying in the room when you want to run, not numbing out, and feeling the discomfort without the fear and need to escape.

When your nervous system has been wired for survival, “staying” is anything but small. It’s an act of courage. The impulse to flee or shut down isn’t weakness—it’s a learned response. But every time you stay just a little longer, you’re rewiring your system for presence.

Healing isn’t always a leap. Sometimes it’s the quiet moment you didn’t leave.

21/07/2025

The same internal parts that protect us—through detachment, control, criticism, or withdrawal—are often the ones most afraid of connection. These protective strategies developed for good reason: they helped us survive environments where connection wasn’t safe.

But in the present, they can block what we most need—real intimacy, trust, and closeness. Healing doesn’t mean forcing those parts away. It means showing them that it’s now safe enough to rest.

Therapy isn’t about dismantling your defences. It’s about building enough safety that they no longer need to stand guard.

19/07/2025

People-pleasing isn’t a flaw in your personality—it’s a pattern your nervous system learned to stay safe.

When safety depended on keeping others happy, fawning became a strategy for survival. These responses often stem from early attachment wounds, conditional love, or disorganised nervous system states where saying “no” didn’t feel like an option.

You can’t talk yourself out of a biological reflex. What you can do is understand it, meet it with compassion, and slowly create the conditions for something else to be possible.

Healing isn’t about willpower—it’s about safety. And safety takes time.

17/07/2025

Boundaries are often misunderstood as rejection or rigidity, but in reality, they’re what make safe and true connection possible.

When our nervous system has been shaped by chaos, neglect, or intrusion, it doesn’t always know how to recognise what’s safe. So we overexpose, shut down, or swing between both. Boundaries aren't about pushing people away—they're about creating enough structure for closeness to feel safe.

It’s not about being difficult. It’s about creating conditions where intimacy doesn’t overwhelm us. When we honour our limits, we make space for connection that doesn’t cost us our safety.

11/07/2025

Love can be beautiful, grounding, and life-giving. But for many, it’s also filled with anxiety, fear, or confusion—especially in relationships that swing between craving closeness and pulling away from it. This painful dynamic, often described as the “co-addicted tango,” is not about being broken or dramatic. It’s about survival patterns shaped in childhood and carried into adult relationships.

At the heart of this dance are two complementary patterns: love addiction and love avoidance. One partner often clings, fearing abandonment; the other distances, fearing enmeshment. Sometimes, these roles even exist within the same person. Understanding the roots of this cycle, especially through the lens of attachment theory and nervous system regulation, is key to healing.

Read more in my most recent blog: https://bit.ly/3TC4Ftj

10/07/2025

You can't think your way out of a feeling problem. That’s the trap many of us fall into—we try to solve emotional distress with intellect, strategy, or analysis. But feelings don’t respond to logic; they respond to presence, being felt and integrated through the body.

When we override or bypass emotions with thought, we compound the disconnection. Healing happens not by figuring things out, but by creating enough safety in the system for the feeling to move, change, and eventually complete. Thinking helps—but only after feeling leads the way.

03/07/2025

Relationships form the foundation of human experience, providing a mirror for our internal worlds and a container for growth and healing.

One of the most vital skills in relationship health is the ability to express oneself proportionally. This means responding to conflict, stress, or discomfort in ways that match the intensity and context of the situation—neither minimising nor exaggerating our internal experience.

Navigating life’s inevitable challenges within these bonds requires more than good intentions. Cultivating a regulated nervous system enables us to respond rather than react.

Learn more in my most recent blog: https://bit.ly/40093pD

24/06/2025

People-pleasing isn’t simply about being nice. It’s a survival pattern rooted in the nervous system’s drive to maintain safety.

For some, it begins in childhood—navigating volatile caregivers, emotional unpredictability, or being responsible for others' wellbeing. Others learn it through rejection, bullying, or relationships where asserting needs led to punishment or withdrawal.

The nervous system adapts: if others are happy, I’m safe. Over time, this hyper-attunement becomes automatic, costing self-trust and boundaries.

Healing involves gently retraining the system to tolerate discomfort, reclaim boundaries, and find safety not through external approval but through internal regulation and grounded self-connection.

19/06/2025

When your nervous system is on high alert, even a sigh can feel like a scream. It’s not about logic—it’s about survival. If you’ve lived through unpredictable or overwhelming experiences, your system learns to treat small cues as big threats. This isn’t weakness; it’s adaptation. But living in that state takes a toll—on your body, your mind, your relationships. The work isn’t to silence your reactions, but to understand them.

The Invisible Lion helps by making the invisible visible. It explains, in clear and compassionate language, how trauma shapes the nervous system. The book helps you understand that the problem isn’t you—it’s what your system has learned to do to keep you safe.

🔗 https://bit.ly/3H46Zmx

17/06/2025

Couples coaching isn’t about fixing the other person—it’s about understanding what’s happening beneath the surface for both of you. When relationships feel stuck, reactive, or painful, it’s often because each partner’s nervous system is carrying unspoken stress or unmet needs.

RePair couples coaching, uses trauma-informed approaches to help couples move from blame to curiosity. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. RePair begins when we stop asking, “What’s wrong with you?” and start asking, “What’s happening inside you?”

Healing together means learning to co-regulate, to listen with compassion, and to build safety—one moment, one conversation, one repair at a time.

🔗 https://bit.ly/3RxkobB

14/06/2025

In our closest relationships, communication is often described as the lifeforce that sustains connection, understanding, and intimacy. Yet, for many, trauma can disrupt this vital flow, leaving partners feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or emotionally adrift. Trauma, especially when unaddressed, can stifle communication in profound ways—manifesting as withdrawal, reactivity, or even avoidance of conflict altogether.

Understanding how trauma impacts relational dynamics and learning to build safe spaces for healthy conflict are crucial steps toward healing and deeper connection.

Learn more in my most recent blog: https://bit.ly/44lxZJF

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http://www.theinvisiblelion.com/

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