Billi Silverstein MBACP Snr. Accred Psychotherapy

15/01/2026

Fascination, Admiration, and Jealousy!
Reclaiming Belonging Among Women

On the red carpet and in other highly visible spaces, the emotional boundary between fascination, admiration and jealousy can become difficult to discern. Women often speak about the quiet discomfort of standing beside others who are being celebrated for qualities that once anchored their own sense of value. In environments shaped by comparison, recognition can feel scarce, as though one person’s visibility somehow diminishes another’s.

For many, this discomfort has roots in earlier life. Growing up exceptional, whether academically, creatively or aesthetically, often brings praise and a sense of safety. Over time, achievement can become entwined with identity. Being outstanding is not simply something one does, but something one is. When adulthood introduces a peer group of equally accomplished women, that identity is challenged. Admiration for another may sit alongside a subtle fear of displacement. Fascination can carry an edge of self scrutiny. Jealousy may emerge as an unexpected companion.

What is rarely acknowledged is that these responses are not signs of insecurity or spite. They are adaptive emotional reactions to a shift in relational context. The psyche is recalibrating, moving from a world organised around distinction to one that requires coexistence. Jealousy, in this sense, is often a form of grief. Grief for the loss of singularity, and for the end of an internal contract that equated being chosen with being worthy.

When explored therapeutically, these feelings become meaningful rather than shameful. They offer insight into how self worth has been constructed and where it may need to soften and expand. As comparison is gently examined, women can begin to separate their value from constant external validation.

With support, it becomes possible to move from rivalry to relationship, from hierarchy to shared presence. Being one among many celebrated women no longer signals loss, but belonging. In that shift, admiration can deepen into connection, and celebration can exist without comparison, competition or the quiet the erosion of self-worth.

In psychotherapy, we explore diversity of experience with empathy and without judgement.

Contact me for your Clinical Supervision needs.

Get in touch today to consider your options.












* WomenInFocus
* EmotionalBoundaries
* NavigatingJealousy
* Value-Based Living
* Emotional Well-being

15/01/2026

13/01/2026

Working with Bereavement

I work with bereavement in my psychotherapy practice with a degree of caution and humility. It has always felt like stepping into a realm where words lose their capacity to comfort, and yet, where silence can feel equally intolerable. Grief occupies a strange psychological territory. It resists the linear progression we so often wish to impose upon emotional healing. Instead, it seeps into the ordinary rhythms of life, becoming woven into our patterns of thought and behaviour in ways both subtle and profound.

In Western society, we tend to treat grief as a problem to be resolved, a process to be completed, or a chapter to be closed. This clinical neatness may offer a semblance of control, but it often denies the truth that mourning is not an event with an endpoint. It is a state of being that reconfigures one’s relationship with self and with the world. I have observed that unresolved grief often manifests as a pervasive dullness, a muted quality in one’s emotional range, an erosion of vitality. People may mistake this for recovery when, in fact, it is a quiet surrender to absence.

In contrast, I have long admired cultures in which loss is ritualised through colour, music and collective celebration. In parts of Mexico, for instance, death is greeted not with solemnity but with reverence and continuity. The Day of the Dead is not a denial of pain but a dialogue with it, allowing memory and joy to coexist. Such traditions seem to permit a psychological integration of loss that is both grounding and life affirming.

Perhaps the task, then, is not to conquer grief but to learn to live alongside it. To recognise its presence not as pathology but as a reminder of attachment, meaning and love that persists beyond absence.

Grief and bereavement, though often spoken of in tandem, are not quite synonymous. Bereavement refers to the external condition of having lost someone, the factual state of absence that alters the structure of a person’s world. Grief, however, is the internal landscape that follows, a subjective and deeply personal response to that loss. One may be bereaved yet not consciously grieving, just as one may continue to grieve long after bereavement has passed into the past tense of life. In psychotherapy, the distinction matters. Bereavement demands adjustment to circumstance; grief requires integration of meaning. One is situational, the other existential, and both demand compassion.

In psychotherapy, we explore diversity of experience with empathy and without judgement.

Contact me for your Clinical Supervision needs.

Get in touch today to consider your options.

09/01/2026

Is Calm a Threat? The Paradox of Hypervigilance in Trauma.
Hypervigilance is often misunderstood. It is not a universal consequence of trauma, nor is it simply anxiety or over-cautiousness. Rather, it is a finely tuned, embodied response that can develop when a child grows up in an environment where safety was unpredictable. From a psychotherapeutic perspective, hypervigilance reflects the nervous system’s remarkable adaptability. It learns to scan for danger in order to protect the self, even when the threat is no longer present.

For children whose emotional or physical safety was inconsistent, the brain and body become trained to anticipate harm. Subtle cues, such as a fleeting frown, a delayed response, a slight change in tone, or a glance that lingers too long, can trigger an alert response. In social settings, this sensitivity may extend to noticing patterns in group interactions, such as who is being listened to, who gets more time to speak, or who is interrupted more frequently. Even shifts in posture, breathing, or a quiet sigh may register as potential threats.

An over vigilance can result in light sleeping and make silence or stillness unbearable. What appears externally as restlessness or suspicion is, internally, a sophisticated survival strategy. The nervous system has learned that vigilance is preferable to risk and that alertness equals safety.

Individual may intellectually know that danger is unlikely, yet the body continues to respond as though it were imminent. Minor social cues may provoke unease or anticipatory tension. This dissonance between mind and body can be exhausting, confusing, and isolating. It is not a flaw, but a legacy of adaptation. A nervous system that once protected now simply overprotects.

Hypervigilance need not be erased. When honed, it can be a remarkable tool in numerous settings. It can be reframed as sensitivity, intuition, and attunement. The challenge is to guide it from a mechanism of survival toward one that allows presence, connection, and ease. What once kept the child alive can help the adult thrive.

In psychotherapy, we explore diversity of experience with empathy and without judgement.

Get in touch today to consider your options.

21/12/2025

Character Interpretations
Winnie the Pooh: Often seen with ADHD (inattentive type) and OCD due to his distractibility, food focus, and repetitive counting, sometimes linked to trauma or comorbidity.
Piglet: Represents Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) with his constant worry and fear, sometimes manifesting as physical symptoms like ear twitches.
Eeyore: A classic depiction of depression or dysthymia, characterized by negativity, low mood, and anhedonia (inability to feel joy).
Tigger: Embodies ADHD (hyperactive/impulsive type) with his boundless energy, impulsivity, and inability to stay still.
Rabbit: Linked to Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) due to his need for control, self-importance, and rigid organizing.
Owl: Represent learning disabilities or cognitive impairments, despite his perceived intelligence, due to misreading words and forgetting things.
Kanga & Roo: Kanga suggests Social Anxiety (overprotective), while Roo might show signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder (lack of danger awareness, attachment).
Christopher Robin: Is theorized to represent Schizophrenia, with the other characters being projections of his inner world.

16/12/2025

Are Psychotherapists Getting Too Distracted by Presenting Issues and Not Relating to the Deeper Issue?

From a trauma-informed and psychodynamic perspective, symptoms rarely appear in isolation. They emerge from historical pain, relational wounds, and unconscious In contemporary clinical practice, there is growing concern that psychotherapists may become too focused on the presenting issues clients bring into therapy. While it is both ethical and necessary to attend to immediate distress, this focus can sometimes obscure the deeper dynamics that sustain suffering. The presenting issue often serves as a symptom, a signal from the psyche seeking recognition. When therapy remains at the level of what is visible, the opportunity for true transformation may be lost.

Defences that once served to protect but now limit growth. In this sense, the presenting issue represents the psyche’s attempt to speak through distress. If the therapist listens only to the literal story, there is a risk of joining with the client’s defensive system, seeking to fix rather than understand. This may bring short-term comfort but often leaves the underlying wound untouched.

Supervision offers an essential reflective space in which this dynamic can be explored. It invites the therapist to slow down, to notice what is being communicated beneath the surface, and to reflect on how the therapeutic relationship itself may be echoing earlier experiences of the client. Through this process, the clinician can move from doing to being, from reacting to relating, and from managing symptoms to understanding what they symbolise.

This deeper way of working is not about dismissing the presenting issue but about expanding its meaning. A trauma-informed stance views the symptom as an entry point into the client’s unspoken story, not something to be eradicated but something to be listened to with care. When therapists hold this dual awareness, they create space for both symptom and self to coexist. The deeper issue then becomes accessible, and therapy moves from mere containment toward integration and growth.

Ultimately, psychotherapy is not only a process of resolving difficulties but one of re-encountering the self beneath them. The challenge for clinicians is to resist the pull of immediacy and remain open to the layered complexity of human experience. Supported by reflective supervision, this depth-oriented approach allows therapy to become not simply a means of relief, but a pathway to restoration and transformation.

In psychotherapy, we explore diversity of experience with empathy and without judgement.

Contact me for your Clinical Supervision needs.

Get in touch today to consider your options.

Billi Silverstein Psychotherapy | psychotherapy in london | 2 Harley Street, London W1G 9PA, UK

07/12/2025

Humour is often considered the glue that holds relationships together.

Being able to laugh at the same things with your partner creates shared moments of joy and connection. But what does science say about the role humour plays in relationships? New research sheds light on how a similar sense of humour can enhance both the satisfaction and depth of a partnership.

Studies have shown that partners who share a similar sense of humour tend to have stronger, more satisfying relationships. When you and your partner find the same things funny, you both rate your relationship more positively. This connection is not just about having fun, it's about feeling understood, emotionally in sync, and closely connected. humour serves as a reflection of shared values and experiences, making partners feel closer to one another and more attuned to each other's emotional needs.
However, not all humour is equally effective in strengthening a relationship. Research also highlights the importance of understanding which types of humour build bonds. Playful humour, where both partners laugh together over light-hearted jokes or playful teasing, is most effective in fostering closeness. On the other hand, sarcastic or self-deprecating humour, when used excessively or inappropriately, may have the opposite effect. These types of humour can lead to tension, misunderstandings, and even emotional distance.

Knowing which types of humour are beneficial for your relationship can help you use laughter as a tool to nurture and strengthen your bond. It’s not just about making each other laugh, it’s about laughing in ways that promote positivity, understanding, and affection. For instance, you might try engaging in shared jokes or watching comedies together. Creating funny memories that you can both look back on and laugh about strengthens your connection and brings you closer.

Laughter has a way of making life's challenges feel more manageable. When you and your partner share a similar sense of humour, it creates a sense of unity and joy, allowing you to approach difficult moments with a lighter heart. Whether you are dealing with a stressful situation or simply enjoying each other’s company, laughter fosters a sense of camaraderie that is essential for a healthy relationship.
humour also provides an outlet for communication. It can help diffuse tension, lighten the mood, and make difficult conversations easier. When partners laugh together, it can bridge the gap between different viewpoints, creating a sense of understanding and emotional safety. This type of humour allows for vulnerability without fear of judgment, which is key to building trust and intimacy.

In conclusion, humour is more than just a way to pass the time with your partner, it’s a vital ingredient in building a healthy and satisfying relationship. By recognising which types of humor foster connection and which might create distance, you can use laughter to enhance your bond. humour helps create a deeper understanding between partners, making your relationship stronger, happier, and more fulfilling.

In psychotherapy we explore diversity of experience with empathy and without judgement.

Get in touch today to consider your options.

25/11/2025

Aging is not for the faint of heart.
One day you wake up and realize youth has quietly slipped away, but it didn't leave alone.
It took with it insecurities, the rush to please, and the fear of not being enough.
In return, it left something stronger: a slower pace but a steadier step, the wisdom to say goodbye without fear, the grace to cherish those who choose to stay, and the power to be yourself unapologetically.

Aging isn't about losing, it's about letting go.
It's learning to accept, to release, and to truly see that beauty was never just in the mirror, it lived in every story, scar, and strength carried within.
Aging is a gift-wear it with dignity.

Credit: Meryl Streep