16/02/2023
My name is Elena and I cured anxiety, PA, depression, tachycardia and insomnia. I am a Russian living in London.
My story (long read :))
It all begun a long time ago.
I went out for a bike ride - it divided my life into “before” and “after”.
The ride was fast and exciting. When I saw a “sleeping policemen", hoping for a gradual stop, I pressed the brakes. The bike stopped immediately. I flew over the handle bar and landed on my chin. After initial shock I managed to get up and asked: " Where am I?" Everything felt unreal. I was concussed.
Blood was dripping from my ear, my head was numb, I felt like in a dream. Then ambulance arrived, I was taken to hospital. Doctors scanned my brain, ex- rayed my chest but couldn't find anything wrong. I was sent home without a single prescription.
For a few days I had a major headache, everything was spinning around and I had to hold on to walls for support while walking. A week later it was all gone and only 4 broken in half teeth and stiffness in the neck were constant reminders of what had happened. I felt very lucky.
A month later my father passed away. Having lost my mother a few years before I felt lonely and broken. "They both left this world too early. Why them? Life is not fair." These thoughts were stalking me. I started feeling unwell. Especially in the evenings.
It was very strange, unusual feeling. I had never experienced anything like that before. I would wake up as a healthy woman but during the day my usually cheerful mood would gradually fade away. By evening darkness with waves of anxiety and horror would spread in my mind. My brain was convulsing, I felt like having a conscious epileptic fit. Life became unbearable.
My illness developed rapidly in a matter of days. Once started as a snow ball it soon became big avalanche. Every evening I felt I was dying. I needed help.
Little did I know it would take months to have an adequate diagnosis, and years for cure. My knowledge about the nervous system was limited by being able to point out where the brain and the spinal cord were. Words like "ganglion" or "autonomic nervous system" were not in my vocabulary. Doctors were creatures from another planet. I had the deepest respect for all of them and believed every single word they said.
I was naive.
My GP was the first doctor to confront my unknown illness. Instead of describing symptoms which were very awkward, I made up conclusion. It wasn't the best tactic and it failed. "Is it a gall bladder? Do I have stones? Do they affect my brain for some reason?" GP checked my stomach, but found nothing wrong. A mad woman, he thought.
I went to the GP for a few more times but achieved zero result. I didn't blame anyone. It was my own fault not being able to explain what was wrong.
I suffered like never before for a few months. My usual evening horror became a battle without hope to ever recover. I thought if it was my own language it would be easier for me to explain what was wrong. I flew to Moscow.
To my relief my diagnosis was established in the course of a single day after the GP sent me to a neurologist: autonomic nervous system disfunction causing different symptoms including depression, anxiety and panic attacks. The doctor prescribed antidepressants and sent me to a prestigious clinic for MRI brain scan. The cost of the scan was about 40 dollars as private medical services in Russia were relatively cheap. The MRI scan showed no visible changes in the brain which confirmed that something is wrong with the other part of nervous system - the autonomic.
For the latest treatments I was sent to a special clinic like The Priory, called Kashenko. A lady doctor, head of the neurology department, asked me to describe the symptoms. She looked very bored by repeated stories and even winced once I told that it is like being on another planet when having panic attacks. When I asked her, why am I having horrors only in the evening, she replied that it is reflex. She wrote some long notes in my profile, prescribed Mirtazapine, 4th generation antidepressant, and sent me to the group sessions with psychologist.
Among some other patients at a group session, some having constant ticks, I was constantly nodding off after taking Mirtazapine (it relaxes the cortex). Breaking through the clouds of sleepiness I desperately tried to understand what our psychologist was advising. One thing I remember was to be able to forgive ourselves. I couldn't understand for what. I couldn't see any logic and correlation in having a physical trauma like my bike accident and forgiving myself as a method of cure.
Imagine cutting a finger, then asking a professional for help. What would you think about a doctor who gives you advice to forgive yourself? A bit funny, if it wasn't that serious. Together with "evening reflex" (not morning or, for example, afternoon) which happened only after falling from the bike, it looked unconvincing. I had my first doubts about the treatments but started to take antidepressants regularly.
To confirm that I am on the "right track" I decided to go private once back to London. Professor Michael Gross, neurologist at St. Clementine hospital, didn't trust my eastern European scans and insisted on new ones. Compare to the Russian one, it was very expensive, about 1000 pounds. Luckily, the main part of it was paid by an insurance company.
It was no surprise MRI showed the same result: no visible changes to the brain or main arteries/ veins. Puzzled by my symptoms Dr Gross offered to perform some other tests, for additional charge, of course.
It was more like a fairy tale about witches. Nurses poured water in my ears, once the doctor ordered me to sleep on my back all night without turning on the sides. I had a choice of restraining my arms to the mattress or to convince myself to sleep in one position. I chose the latter.
If you ask - is it possible to convince the sleeping brain to control position in the bed, the answer is definite no. I found myself constantly waking up. Making sure I am on my back, I would fall asleep again. Waking up from my own screams in the middle of the night once again I gave up this mad idea.
Once the absurd tests were done, Dr. Gross gave his diagnosis. Vertigo, causing extreme dizziness. He insisted that vertigo can cause depression and confirmed that all the horror I experienced was caused by it. He prescribed 3rd generation antidepressants for which I would need to pay additional charge, 40 pounds, more than I paid for the MRI brain scan in Moscow. As I had already been prescribed 4 th generation antidepressants by eastern European medics, I threw his prescription away. As well as I didn't "buy" his diagnosis.
A few year later I checked Dr. Gross' s profile. One of the main areas of his medical interests was vertigo, extreme dizziness. I still wonder, do his clients get any other diagnosis then vertigo?
But then, at the time of constant horror, I lost my sense of humour. Luckily after taking antidepressants for a few months I stopped having any horrible symptoms and forgot about the illness.
…Little I knew that absence of symptoms doesn't mean a cure.
For a few years I had peaceful life. Although I experienced some life difficulties like any healthy human, I felt normal. I was hoping that I will carry on being healthy. But Illness had different proposition. Without any obvious trigger it came back in spring 2012.
At first the symptoms were very mild. Sometimes my thoughts were very slow, I felt a bit strange and foggy. Then one evening when I went to bed I felt spasm in my throat and chest. Not being able to breath anymore, I stood up immediately. I was terrified, my heart went very fast. I started breathing only about 15-20 seconds later.
Next morning I rushed to the GP. He confirmed my suspicion that this might be PA coming back. In a couple of days it became clear that dysautonomia had just been latent in my body. Now it came back.
Knowing diagnosis, I hoped the cure will be around the corner. Ask my GP for a prescription, take antidepressants for a few months and you are back on track. But my conditions was much more aggressive than in 2005 and this time around didn't have any response to the tablets.
My usual evening horrors worsened very quickly and would start earlier and earlier day by day. By afternoon I would be covered by waves of anxiety. By evening it would develop into deep depression. My brain was convulsing, thoughts were restless and random. I couldn't understand how people could function, let alone be happy.
Before the bike accident I couldn't even imagine the level of torment our body is capable of. Like no other illnesses dysautonomia can send your body to hell. Life for me was unstoppable horror. Anxiety, depression, PA, restlessness, then extreme palpitation after physical exercises. There was no end to torture. By summer 2013 I had to give up Ceroc, dancing lessons. Very quickly I lost interest in any life matters and concentrated on one thing. To survive.
Taking antidepressants and going to the GP was just waste of time. This time around the illness was progressing one way. One day the GP sent me to the mental health services. I started having hopes.
A psychologist at Ealing mental health centre tried to convince me that it is nothing we should be afraid of in our lives, it is not worth it to be scared. After 4th session and no visible changes to my condition he asked me whether I felt better after his sessions. I shrugged my shoulders being afraid to voice the truth. He assumed that I felt better and arranged the 5th session. Yet again, a complete waste of time.
My doubts about dysautonomia cure methods were growing rapidly, but I couldn't even imagine that the widely accepted medical position about ANS disfunction is as far away from the truth as Earth from the Moon. In short the rule is: to be able to cure faulty inflamed ganglions you need to relax cortex, part of the brain. Antidepressants, talking to psychologists, CBT, meditation are all methods of relaxing brain. In the hope to cure ganglia as they belong to the same nervous system. Something like curing liver in the hope to cure pancreas as they are part of one system - digestive. Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?
Despite having very little effect on me, I kept on taking antidepressants. Little did I know that only 30 % of patients get their symptoms temporarily withdrawn after tablets. Sooner or later illness comes back. With time it is only worsening, tormenting sufferers with an increasing variety of symptoms. Some patients reach the point of constant torment. Some can' t stand it for long and take their own lives.
I didn't seriously think of taking my life but I was exhausted by the battle with my own body as my condition reached the lowest point. I couldn't think of anything else other than my illness and how to cure it. By summer 2014 I couldn't go far as my heart would go madly fast from just little walking or walking up the stairs. To check my heart I went to cardiologist. He checked my heart, found nothing wrong with its structure and prescribed adrenoblocators for palpitations.
Tablets helped very little. I couldn't go to work and spent a few months working from home. At some point I couldn't even get up without my heart immediately jumping like a squirrel. I had to get used to feeling breathless after doing just little things we all take for granted: getting up, walking, doing house chores.
My life was torn apart. I went through full circle of suffering without understanding from doctors or colleagues. I had ambulances rushing over to save me. I had relatives tormented by my constant complains. I was constantly tortured by a variety of unbearable symptoms including high blood pressure (180 to 140), palpitations, extreme anxiety, depression, random agitated thoughts, tightness in the chest. I have taken more sick leave then anybody else.
Just before Christmas 2014 I went to the GP. I had my last hope that something was there that I had missed before and it could help me now: maybe some magic tablets or magic words. The GP concentrated on one symptom that I had - depression. He told me that it could go worse at Christmas as you see people enjoying themselves. You are not feeling the same, not in tune with them. There was no explanation to where my palpitation or other symptoms coming from.
It was so out of context, I realised there is something very wrong with this system. It was a last straw. I stoped believing in the whole " medical" universe: doctors prescribing useless tablets full of side effects, psychologists blaming patients for their "wrong" behaviour, childhood or attitude towards life.
Since then I started searching Internet for answers. I looked through a lot of forums and websites. To no surprise all of them were just repeating the mantra of the system: Relax the brain and the cure will follow. I wanted to scream: guys, it doesn't work!!
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the theory. While searching Internet for answers I applied a new rule: no more nonsense! I thought: no matter who says what and started rejecting any explanations with psychological background to my illness.
The result followed very soon. Once checking a Russian medical forum, I saw a comment standing out from the crowd. The girl with PA was cured by laser and magnets in the Moscow ANS clinic. I wasted no time and flew to my home Russia. I was puzzled, curious and sceptical.
Alexander Belenko, who had been curing autonomic nervous system dysfunction for 20 years, was the first doctor who actually explained my illness from a physiological point of view. He told me, that I have dysfunction of the ganglia. They are "little brains" forming our adaptive system. They look after all our organs, including brain, in autonomic regime. Ganglia keep the brain informed about work they have done but they are independent, truly autonomic organs. So they should be treated independently.
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) look after a lot of things: they maintain pH balance, regulate temperature and blood pressure by narrowing or widening veins and support homeostasis.
I was surprised that ANS is also ruling our mood. Malfunctioning neck ganglia could lead to depression. They work like service managers, supplying the right amount of blood and regulating the temperature of the brain. Neck ganglia have more impact on the brain excitation and inhibiting processes than any other ganglia in our body. It’s neck ganglia which are responsible for depression. True depression, when the brain stops producing serotonin for purely psychological reasons is relatively rare.
Malfunctioning ganglia are the major reason for anxiety. Our entire nervous system uses electricity to spread signals in the body. Being in one electrical chain with the brain, spinal cord and all organs, ganglia absorb a lot of signals as well as significantly reduce their speed. If ganglia start malfunctioning, the brain gets more signals as normal. That is how anxiety starts.
Alexander made thorough research, read a lot of books including very rare ones. He concluded and proved in his practice: to explain the reason behind the majority of mental health issues one shouldn't use psychological approach but should learn physiology or, simply, how our body functions.
Behind all his statements there are three world leading schools: Pavlov's, Bekhterev's and Vvedensky's. Independent from each other they made extraordinary discoveries in the nervous system including autonomic part more than a century ago.
Discovery after discovery, they were breaking dogmatic statements psychologists made. By the middle of the 20th century research in ANS reached the highest point. Pavlov' s pupil Leon Orbeli organised 8 medical centres studying ANS in the USSR.
It became obvious that ANS plays leading role in managing our body. Each ganglion is a powerful independent "computer", managing work of every single organ including the brain. Brain neurosis is consequential to ANS dysfunction. As a first resistant barrier to any stress our body has to take, ANS could start dysfunctioning first. The brain will follow only as a consequence.
John Langley' s view (Cambridge scientist who used a ni****ne method to determine where exactly ganglia are in our body) that ANS is just a wire between the brain and organs, lost its position.
Unfortunately for the entire world, in 1950 disaster happened: Stalin shut down all institutions related to research of ANS for political reasons. It’s not only Russia which suffered from his actions but the entire world. Generations of doctors were deprived of real knowledge of the ANS. It helped to spread psychosomatic fantasies of rapidly multiplying psychological schools and unprecedented use of antidepressants.
Contradictory to all other medical professionals who I had met before, Alexander was the first one to tell me it's not tablets that cure illnesses but our body itself. Every single body cell constantly regenerates, including in the autonomic nervous system. Because of stress, trauma or other factors cells in ganglia can fall in a state of coma. The Russian physiologist Nikolai Vvedensky discovered this process more than a century ago and called it parabiosis. This way Mother Nature prevents cells from death: they stop functioning but stay alive. To revive ganglia you need to give them a "kick" using physiotherapy. Fed with increased blood flow autonomic cells will recover in 3-6 months - the time ANS cells need to regenerate themself.
To find my dysfunctioning ganglia Alexander performed 2 tests. First was the variability of heart rate (HRV) which is similar to computerised ECG. Different parts of ANS work on different frequencies so HRV shows which part of ANS is malfunctioning.
The second test was infrared thermography, Alexander' s own patented method. The test showed that the temperature around my neck ganglia was almost 2 degrees higher then the rest of the body. That was a real place to blame for my illness. Not the brain.
After performing tests Alexander made 18 procain injections (paravertebral blocks) into my back and neck. I felt better immediately. Then I had 10 laser procedures in 10 consequent days.
Below are some excerpts from the medical report Dr. Belenko gave me. As you can see the diagnosis was far more serious than just panic attacks or anxiety - terminology used by psychologists:
'The research: analysis of heart rate variability, infrared thermography. Conclusion: The autonomic dysfunction of suprasegmental and segmental autonomic nerve centres (C2-C5, D1-D5), cerebral angiopathy with impaired cerebral venous outflow, muscle reflex, tonic cervico-thoracic level syndrome, autonomic somatic disorders (cardiovascular, hyperventilation syndrome) . Hypertensive crisis, by the type of frequent panic attacks. Insomnia with impaired sleep. The course of treatment:
1) combined photolaser magnetic therapy, 10 sessions.
2) paravertebral myofascial therapy (procain injections), two sessions.
During the treatment period, clinically and instrumentally, the patient has been responding well to treatment.
It was true. Like a thawing snow ball my horrible symptoms started fading away. Four months later they shrunk significantly. I felt much better.
It was a relief. I could live a normal life like everybody else: my body was up and running. My soul followed, I was in a good mood.
Finally I was at peace. At peace with myself and with the world: I didn't need to change my attitude towards life. I didn't need to take antidepressants and adrenoblocators. I din' t need to rush to A&E with palpitations and impaired venous outflow from the brain.
It took me a while to make a complete recovery. After tablet "cure" in 2005, which masked my illness for a few years and left a time bomb just waiting to explode, it took me longer than ussual to recover.
I realised that responsibility for my health is in my own hands. I consequently tried other types of physiotherapy to get rid of remaining symptoms.
On the way to becoming an expert in curing dysautonomia I changed my diet and increased physical exercises. As a result I lost 13 kg in just 3 months and realised how easy it is once you understand the rules. I didn't starve myself just significantly cut down on quick sugars: sweets, white bread, pasta and junk food. I realised small but consistent changes make huge differences.
Finalising my little story I can tell you with confidence: I had been at war. At war with my own body, doctors and psychologists.
I am not afraid of anything now. The only thing I dread is dysautonomia.
But I know it will never come back. Well, if I don' t fall off a bike again.
