Christopher Geake - Humanist Funeral Celebrant

28/03/2025

In funeral ceremony preparation, some people ask for maximum focus on the "celebration of life", with just the briefest of reference to death, sadness, and loss

This was my most recent attempt to respond to that request - which the family said "hit the nail on the head".

Opening Words

One of the things which people feel deeply this morning is that X###xx's life ended too soon, suddenly and unexpectedly. In a myriad ways, individually and together, people express the sadness of that loss.

But there are two other aspects upon which we can reflect; “who was X###xx as a person?” and “what was the impact of his life and character?”

People sometimes ask, “what is the meaning of a human life?”.

Personally, I think that’s the wrong question. I don’t think there is one overall meaning or purpose; for each of us there are many diverse meanings, which flow from what we make of the opportunities and challenges which present themselves, from the people with whom we engage in particular times and places. We are the creators of our own meanings.

This morning we come to pay tribute to X###xx, to honour that life which he took hold of and lived to the full.

Closing Words

It’s been a privilege to hear Dddddd and F###xx share some of their memories and feelings this morning; you also have your own treasure house of memories from your particular connection with X###xx.

This is part of the legacy he leaves.

Whatever your remembrances are, whether you recall them intentionally in private moments or events together, or they just randomly come to mind, these memories are part of sustaining a relationship with X###xx beyond his physical presence. In this he will continue to be celebrated and honoured.

“You will never be forgotten”.

28/03/2025

This is the text of a recent ceremony for the interment of ashes of a young man - my principal focus was on his young son and nephews and nieces who hadn't attended the funeral.

Observing the stars

One of the things I like doing is looking at the sky on a lovely dark clear night. Even better, to look at it through a telescope. Have you ever done that? Or to watch things on TV about the sky at night.

What you see is millions and millions of stars, of all different shapes and sizes. What’s happening is that they’re coming to life then fading away, coming to life again and fading away.

All of them are shining - some shine for a very long time, but some seem to burst with energy and shine very brightly, then fade away more quickly.

He’s a “star”

Sometimes when we like someone very much, we say “he’s a star”. Have you ever heard that?

We’re here this afternoon to say goodbye to X###x who is very special to people in lots of ways – as a dad, as a partner, as a son, as a brother, as a grandson, as an uncle, as a nephew, as a friend

I didn't know X###xx, but when I asked people about him, some of them said, “Oh. X###xx, he’s a real star!”

Let’s think of that for a moment. In what way do you think X###x was a star? What special thing comes to mind?

(invite people to make comments))

The fact is, we’re all stars! Literally, we’re all made of stardust! We spend time here as people on the planet, and then we return to shine as stars in the big universe.

Remembering X######

It’s sad to think that X###### wasn’t with us as for long as we would have liked.

But he’s left us lots of things to remind us that he’s still very close and not to forget him – things like photographs and football boots, and games, and videos, and clothes – all these things help to bring back lots of memories which sometimes will make us sad, and many times will make us smile and laugh when we remember things he used to do.

And something very very special – he’s left us some of his stardust, which we’re going to bury in the warm earth, in a very special place where we can always come to think of him and feel specially close to him.

(the ashes are placed in the ground)

Love lasts forever

X###### loved people lots, and I know you loved him in all kinds of ways. But one thing may worry us – will that love last for ever?

I want to share a short piece from a story about two foxes, Small and Large. They’re having a conversation about does love last. It’s a children’s story, but lots of adults also like it’s message.

“Does love wear out” said Small, “does it break or bend? Can you fix it and stick it, does it mend?”

“Oh help,” said Large “I’m not that clever. I just know I’ll love you forever”.

Small said: “But what about when you’re dead and gone - would you love me then, does love go on?”

Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

"Small, look at the stars – how they shine and glow. Yet some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies… love, like starlight, never dies”.

So next time you're out gazing at stars twinkling in the night sky, remember, we are all made of star dust - we are all one, X###xx and all of us, forever.

Let's all make X###xx proud and shine as bright loving stars for one another during our time together.

14/03/2025

Does love last?

Last week I conducted the funeral of a very young man. His little six-year old son didn't attend, but today he and his cousins and adult family gathered for the interment of the cremated remains.

My challenge was to produce words which were authentic, not too long, and not too heavy.

It was a challenge. These are the words I used:

Observing the stars

One of the things I like doing is looking at the sky on a lovely dark clear night. Even better, to look at it through a telescope. Have you ever done that? Or to watch things on TV about the sky at night.

What you see is millions and millions of stars, of all different shapes and sizes. What’s happening is that they’re coming to life then fading away, coming to life again and fading away.

All of them are shining - some shine for a very long time, but some seem to burst with energy and shine very brightly, then fade away more quickly than the others.

He’s a “star”

Sometimes when we like someone very much, we say “he’s a star”. Have you ever heard that?

We’re here this afternoon to say goodbye to "Adam" who is very special to people in lots of ways – as a dad, as a partner, as a son, as a brother, as a grandson, as a nephew, as a friend

I didn't know "Adam", but when I asked people about him, some of them said, “Oh. "Adam", he’s a real star!”

Let’s think of that for a moment. In what way do you think "Adam" was a star? What special thing comes to mind?

(invite people to make comments)

The fact is, we’re all stars! Literally, we’re all made of stardust! We spend time here as people on the planet, and then we return to shine as stars in the big universe.

Remembering "Adam"

It’s sad to think that "Adam" wasn’t with us as for long as we would have liked.

But he’s left us lots of things to remind us that he’s still very close and not to forget him – things like photographs and football boots, and games, and videos, and clothes – all these things help to bring back lots of memories which sometimes will make us sad, and many many times will make us smile and laugh when we remember things he used to do.

And something very very special – he’s left us some of his stardust, which we’re going to bury in the warm earth, in a very special place where we can always come to think of him and feel specially close to him.

(the ashes are placed in the ground)

Love lasts forever

"Adam" loved people lots, and I know you loved him in all kinds of ways. But one thing may worry us – will that love last for ever?

I want to share a short piece from a story about two foxes, Small and Large. They’re having a conversation about whether love lasts. It’s a children’s story, but lots of adults also like it’s message.

“Does love wear out” said Small, “does it break or bend? Can you fix it and stick it, does it mend?”

“Oh help,” said Large “I’m not that clever. I just know I’ll love you forever”.

Small said: “But what about when you’re dead and gone - would you love me then, does love go on?”

Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright. “Small, look at the stars – how they shine and glow. Yet some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies… love, like starlight, never dies”.

So next time you're out gazing at stars twinkling in the night sky, remember, we are all made of star dust - we are all one, "Adam" and all of us, forever.

Let's all make "Adam" proud, and shine as bright loving stars for one another during our time together.

08/02/2025

Remembering the Dead

I'm looking forward to this lecture at the Royal Institute of Philosophy next week - so relevant to our work as funeral celebrants and chaplains. The introduction says:

"Many of us feel that honouring deceased loved ones is morally and psychologically important, and this requires, minimally, that we remember them. Yet it is far from obvious how we can deliberately remember the dead in light of our limited control, the fallibility of memory, and the sense that we should think well of the dead. Honouring the dead through our memories is not a matter of aiming at a fully accurate or perfectly whitewashed image. Instead, it involves using memories to sustain a relationship with the deceased loved one. This requires integrating one’s sense of the relationship in its new form into one’s life going forward. Memories play an essential role, but so does receptivity to new insights that the memories may provoke. Memory’s function is not simply to preserve images of the dead, but also to enable them to contribute freshly to our lives".

Says it so much better than I've been trying to say it!!!

This lecture in the series Remembering and Forgetting is presented by Kathleen Higgins, exploring how memories and new insights help us honor the dead and integrate their presence into our lives.

12/01/2025

Central London Humanists online discussion
7.00 p.m. to 8.30 p.m.Wednesday 22nd January
"Only Connect : the development of non-religious pastoral support"

Join Central London Humanists for an enlightening online discussion exploring the importance of non-religious pastoral support. This event features a panel of experienced pastoral carers working across the UK in healthcare, prisons, education and the military.

Non-religious pastoral care provides emotional and moral support to people of all faiths and none, meeting shared human needs with compassion and understanding. But what makes it unique? How does it differ from religious support?

Speakers will include:

Christopher Geake, Honorary Humanist Chaplain, Hillingdon Hospital
Kate Hobson, Pastoral Support Volunteers (Prison Service)
James Croft, Humanists Chaplain Sussex University
Charlie Jones, Defence Humanists Network’s Deputy Chair & Humanist Chaplain
Bill Miller, Pastoral Support Volunteers (Prison Service)

Our panel will address these questions and more, offering:

An introduction to non-religious pastoral care: Principles, context, and why it’s vital in today's society.
Stories from the field: Insights and experiences from those providing support.
Opportunities for involvement: Learn how you can become part of this growing movement.

Schedule:

7:00 PM: Welcome & Introduction to CLH
7:10 PM: Presentation: Non-Religious Pastoral Support: Principles & Context – Christopher L. Geake, Honorary Humanist Chaplain, Hillingdon Hospital
7:25 PM: Panel Presentations:
Healthcare
Prisons
Education
The Military
8:00 PM: Q&A and Open Discussion
8:25 PM: Closing Remarks & Moving Forward

Why Attend?
This is an opportunity to:

Understand the vital role non-religious pastoral care plays in supporting diverse communities.
Learn about the unique challenges and needs of those seeking secular support.
Discover how you can contribute to expanding this essential service.

see further information and link below if you'd like to join us

11/01/2025

Feedback couldn't get much better ...

After yesterday's funeral, the man's youngest daughter shook my hand, gave me a sealed envelope, and said, "Thank you! That was perfect".

I said, "it was a privilege to work with you all to bring the ceremony together".

She said, "No, really, we didn't have to change a single word of your draft, and that's because of your skill in listening and understanding - it was a difficult family situation, but you produced exactly what we were looking for".

I was so moved by those words because that's precisely what I try to do - listen attentively, understand empathetically, and deliver sensitively.

(I later discovered that the envelope contained a substantial "thank you" gift).

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...

09/01/2025

A good start to 2025!

Nice feedback following a funeral I did yesterday:

"Hello Christopher. I just wanted to thank you for today.The service was perfect and everything I had hoped for. Thank you for everything and your support over the last few weeks".

I just wish I'd met the 98 year old lady who enjoyed a G&T every day - "but not before 12.00 noon". Her grandson pointed out that it's always 12.00 noon somewhere in the world!

13/12/2024

Some lovely feedback in response to a funeral I conducted this week:

"I just want to say a very big thank you for yesterday and for all of your help in crafting the service. We would have been lost without you.

It was exactly as we had hoped, and we have had so many people saying how much they enjoyed it, and praising you as well. Most importantly, we think X###xx would have approved. Enjoyed seems a very strange word to describe a funeral but we wanted it to be more of a celebration of his life - and you helped us to achieve that.

Many, many thanks."

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...

07/12/2024

A great roar of revving engines as six "supercars" (his favourites) accompanied 9-year "Jacob" on the final leg of the journey to his funeral - the power of the engines a metaphor for the impact of this beautiful boy on his family and friends.

What on earth can one say on such an occasion?

I built the funeral ceremony around the theme of "gift":

# the random "gift of life" which brought "Jacob" into being;
# the "gift" which he was to his family, and friends, and to all who interacted with him;
# the continuing "gift", beyond life, as people recall and embody and live out all that the gift of "Jacob" brought into their lives - beauty, joy, goodness, courage, fun, thoughtfulness, and so much more.

The beautiful gift that keeps on giving - that's how people will remember "Jacob".

www.christophergeake.org

22/11/2024

Birthday Memorial

Last year I was Celebrant at Ian's funeral. This week, at their invitation, I joined his close family, at the place where his cremated remains were interred, for a short memorial on his birthday.

People shared some special memories of Ian, and I did a reflection on how the impact of people's lives continues through the qualities and values which they have handed on to us and which we embody.

It was a lovely occasion, enhanced by sunshine and beautiful frost-covered trees and shrubs.

02/11/2024

Today is Día de los Mu***os (Day of the Dead) dating back to the era of the Aztecs in Mexico. For Catholics, it's the Feast of All Souls.

It's not, principally, a sad day - it's a day of remembering, celebrating, and thanking.

So I light a candle and honour the lives of:
my parents and grand-parents
friends and colleagues
those who contributed to my formation
and those adults, children, and the unborn whose loved ones I have helped say "goodbye" over the past year.

But, of course, I also remember with love those for whom the pain and loss that has not yet, and may never, be healed.

22/10/2024

Whenever I go to Woking Crematorium, I love the drive through the beautiful Surrey woodlands.

The trees today display a thousand shades of green, red, orange, and gold.

20/10/2024

Humanist UK - Celebrants' Conference

Another great conference, with interesting talks and workshops. The "Tongue Tied" session, on how we react to other people's grief, and it's impact on us, was actually very therapeutic.

I enjoyed the practical session on incorporating symbolism in our ceremonies.

Baroness Featherstone talked us through the process of bringing same-sex marriage into law - she initiated the process as a Home Office Minister and Equalities Minister in 2013.

Thanks to the Humanist UK staff team for brilliant planning and organisation.

19/10/2024

Just in case anyone thinks humanism is only about heavy philosophical and ethical debate, some pictures of me in the Philippines on this day in 2018, helping to judge the "International Majestic Rage Filipiniano Trash Runway".

This was a fun event with a serious ecological message - all the gowns were made of recycled garbage. I've shared just a few of the fabulous competition entries.

This was the eve of the HAPI (Humanist Alliance Philippines International) Convention which I attended, and at which I spoke about humanism in the UK - specifically our community engagement.

19/10/2024

Humanists UK - Celebrants' Conference 2024

I'm on my way to Birmingham for our annual celebrants' conference. It's one of the highlights of my calendar, always a lovely occasion with interesting talks and workshops, opportunities to share information and experience, and to meet colleagues. Also a great way of covering some CPD.

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...

17/10/2024

I'm so grateful to Rosalie Kuyvenhoven for sharing this piece of Native American wisdom:

"A little while and I will be gone from among you, whither I cannot tell. What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter time. It is as the little shadow that runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.”
Chief Crowfoot

The deep insight and wisdom, expressed in beautiful prairie allusions, is the vulnerability and transitoriness of human life. Superb!

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...

20/09/2024

This kind of feedback is so affirmative and makes the work really worthwhile:

"Dear Christopher. This is just a quick email to say thank you very much for conducting the funeral service for our mother, X### X###xx, yesterday.

Your kind and appropriate words set a very nice tone for the service, and helped us to find context and meaning at this difficult time.

In addition, your great efforts in helping us to prepare for the service were also greatly appreciated.

Thank you again and best wishes."

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...

20/09/2024

Funerals yesterday and today for amazing women with amazing, untrumpeted, life stories.

I was secretly so delighted that, respectively, their families asked me to read Alfred, Lord Tennyson's poem "Nothing Will Die", and Pam Ayres' "With These Hands". Both just so perfect in context.

It's an inexpressible privilege and real "joy" to do this work

“I wanted to say thank you for Monday – you were magnificent! Thank you for coming to see us at mum’s house and working with us towards her farewell, and for your presence, your words and your support at the service. These are small words of thanks, but you will stay in our hearts and we will ...