Love, Sex and Relationships

Love, Sex and Relationships I provide online S*x & Relationship Therapy to couples and individuals. Love | Passion | Connection

When You Feel Disconnected from Your BodyHave you ever felt like people only see your body—not you?Like assumptions are ...
16/06/2025

When You Feel Disconnected from Your Body

Have you ever felt like people only see your body—not you?

Like assumptions are made about you just because of your size, shape, curves, or skin?

Whether it’s being stared at, ignored, overs*xualised, or judged...

It can leave you feeling exposed and disconnected, like you don’t fully live in your body.

Over time, this kind of objectification can lead to hiding, numbing, or even hating the body you live in.

It makes intimacy harder.
Because if you’ve learned to disconnect just to feel safe, how do you reconnect in moments of closeness or desire?

The cost shows up in our s*x lives too:
Finding it hard to relax or feel safe during intimacy
Feeling self-conscious instead of present
Struggling to ask for what you want because you’re unsure you deserve pleasure
But healing is possible.
Here’s a simple, gentle practice to help you begin reclaiming your body and your pleasure:

Try This: Name, Reclaim, Tend

1. Name the feeling.
Say to yourself:
“I feel disconnected.”
“I’m holding shame.”
“I’m bracing for judgement.”
Naming it gives you back a sense of control and clarity.

2. Reclaim your body with touch.
Place your hand on your heart, thighs, or belly.
Remind yourself: This is my body. I live here. I am allowed to feel good here.

3. Tend to your nervous system.
Take a few slow breaths. Stretch. Sip something warm. Do something kind for your body, not just with it.

You deserve to feel at home in your body.
To experience intimacy without shame.
To be seen, not sized up.
To reconnect—not perform.
This work is not about changing your body. It’s about changing your relationship to it.

Let’s talk:
What helps you reconnect with your body after feeling disconnected?

I used to believe that softness had to be earned. That love, intimacy, and care were things I had to work for. But what ...
20/02/2025

I used to believe that softness had to be earned. That love, intimacy, and care were things I had to work for. But what if softness is not something we have to prove ourselves worthy of? What if it’s our birthright?
I’d love to hear from you—what does ‘softness’ mean to you? Drop a word or phrase in the comments.

Race, Class & The Illusion of EscapeWhat happens when race is left undefined?Toni Morrison’s Recitatif is a powerful sto...
14/02/2025

Race, Class & The Illusion of Escape

What happens when race is left undefined?

Toni Morrison’s Recitatif is a powerful story that forces readers to confront their own racial biases. By withholding the racial identities of the two main characters, Morrison makes us question how we subconsciously assign race based on stereotypes and social conditioning. It’s an exercise in revealing what we think we know, and why we assume it.
But here’s the thing: race and class don’t operate the same way.

▪️White people can face class oppression, but they will never face oppression because of their race.

💫A poor white person can become wealthy and no longer experience class-based barriers.
💫A Black person—no matter how wealthy—still faces racial discrimination.
💫 Remember Oprah in Switzerland? Even with global fame and extreme wealth, she was still denied service because she was Black.
💫 In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts' character is excluded from a high-end store because of class. But once she changes her appearance, the barriers disappear.
💫 If she were Black, that might not have been enough.

💫What does this say about how race and class operate differently? Have you ever noticed how privilege allows some people to “fix” their exclusion while others remain locked out?

💔 Why Do Some Black Women Struggle with Intimacy & Self-Worth?For centuries, Black women have been told who we should be...
12/02/2025

💔 Why Do Some Black Women Struggle with Intimacy & Self-Worth?

For centuries, Black women have been told who we should be in love, relationships, and society. From being labeled as too independent to being expected to carry the emotional weight of others, many of us have inherited narratives that make intimacy feel unsafe or unattainable.
But the truth? We deserve love, softness, and connection—without having to prove our worth.

How Did We Get Here?
▪️Generational Trauma: Some of us were raised by women who had to survive rather than thrive. They weren’t given the space to explore softness, rest, or love on their own terms, so they passed down survival strategies instead of intimacy skills.

▪️Desirability Politics: Society has long dictated who is seen as "desirable" and who is not, often devaluing Black women while over-s*xualising our bodies.

▪️The "Strong Black Woman" Trope: We’ve been taught to be strong, to endure, to pour into others—even when we have nothing left for ourselves. But strength without softness can lead to disconnection.
▪️ Religious & Cultural
Conditioning: Some of us were raised with beliefs that tied our worthiness to sacrifice, obedience, or purity, making it hard to claim pleasure, boundaries, and self-love.

✨ So how do we unlearn these narratives? It starts with awareness and a deep commitment to reclaiming our desires, boundaries, and worth.

📝 Reflection Exercise:
💡 What’s one belief about love you inherited but no longer want? Drop it in the comments or journal about it. 👇🏾
Let’s break the cycle and build relationships on our own terms. 💛

Some work doesn’t feel like a choice, it chooses you.There are things I can ignore, paths I turn away from, and moments ...
10/02/2025

Some work doesn’t feel like a choice, it chooses you.

There are things I can ignore, paths I turn away from, and moments I choose silence. But then there’s work which calls me, it won’t let me go.

I try to step away, take a break, do something different, I try to convince myself it’s not meant to be, yet it consumes my thoughts. Beckoning me

It’s not just a career, not just an interest. It’s a force that moves through me, asking me to show up, to speak, to challenge, to hold space.

💫 But even purpose needs protection.
I’m learning that my life force is sacred. That the fire pushing me forward also needs tending, that not every battle is mine, and that not every space deserves my energy. Protecting my life force means knowing when to step in and when to step back, when to nurture myself so I can continue the work, rather than be consumed by it.

✨Have you ever felt like your work chose you?
✨How do you protect your energy while answering the call?

Celebrating Black S*xuality Icons: ~ Part 2 of 2 💫 Olive Morris “A UK Pioneer for Black Liberation and Feminism”Olive Mo...
04/11/2024

Celebrating Black S*xuality Icons: ~ Part 2 of 2

💫 Olive Morris
“A UK Pioneer for Black Liberation and Feminism”

Olive Morris, a Jamaican-born British activist, was a prominent feminist and Black liberation leader in the UK during the 1970s. Though her work centered on political activism, Morris also advocated for the self-definition of Black women, challenging both racial and gender norms.

“I am not afraid of the word ‘revolution.’”

💫 Lady Phyll
Co-founder of UK Black pride and LGBTQ activist

Lady Phyll’s work has been pivotal for creating a safe space for black and brown LGBTQ+ individuals to express their identity and s*xuality freely. She continues to be a powerful voice for intersectional justice, showing that blackness and q***rness are not mutually exclusive but beautifully intertwined.

“Our existence is a form of resistance. We must never forget that our love, our joy, and our pride are revolutionary”

💫 Dianne Abbott

The first Black woman elected to the UK Parliament, Diane Abbott has been an advocate for Black and global majority rights and women’s rights.

While primarily known for her political career, Dianne’s work challenging stereotypes, s*xism, and racism has contributed to the broader conversation around intersectionality in the UK.

💫Zadie Smith
An acclaimed novelist

Zadie’s work White Teeth and Swing time delve into the lives of black and in*******al individuals, exploring how s*xuality, race, and culture intersect in complex, nuanced ways.

You are never stronger…than when you land on the other side of despair.”

💫Maya Angelou
Poet and civil rights activist

‘I am a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.’

Through her unapologetic exploration of personal stories, Angelou reclaimed Black femininity and s*xuality as sources of power and dignity.

Her renowned works, like ‘Phenomenal Woman’, celebrated the beauty, strength, and confidence of being a Black woman.

✨ Which of Maya Angelou’s works or quotes inspires you most?

Celebrating Out Trailblazing Icons: Reclaiming Our Space ~~ Part 1 of 2  Today, we honor Black icons who have reclaimed ...
30/10/2024

Celebrating Out Trailblazing Icons: Reclaiming Our Space ~~ Part 1 of 2
Today, we honor Black icons who have reclaimed Black s*xuality and identity as beautiful, powerful, and revolutionary.
From Audre Lorde’s wisdom on the erotic to James Baldwin’s unapologetic explorations of identity and love, and UK activist Olive Morris’s radical spirit, these trailblazers show us that Black s*xuality is complex and worthy of celebration.

These icons dared to defy society’s limits, showing us that reclaiming our s*xuality and identity means embracing all parts of ourselves.

💫 Audre Lorde
Audre Lorde reframed the erotic as a source of empowerment and self-connection. Her work encourages us to reclaim our s*xuality as something that is beautiful, radical, and essential for self-discovery.

‘The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings.’

💫 bell hooks
bell hooks taught us that love and intimacy are acts of resistance. Her work explores how Black individuals can reclaim love as a form of liberation from oppressive narratives.
“To be loving, we must willingly hear each other’s truth and affirm our worth.”

💫 Angela Davis
Angela Davis emphasised the connection between s*xual and racial liberation, showing us how s*xuality is part of the fight for holistic freedom from oppression.
“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

💫James Baldwin
Love, Identity, and the Intersection of Race and S*xuality”
Writer and activist James Baldwin’s work broke barriers by addressing the complexities of race, s*xuality, and identity in America. His unapologetic exploration of Black and q***r experiences challenged society’s norms and continues to inspire the reclamation of identity and love.

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
Let’s celebrate their contributions and reflect on how we can continue their legacy. Who inspires you to reclaim and honor your s*xuality? Tag or comment below!
*xualityIcons "

🖤 What Is Black S*xuality? 🖤Black s*xuality is a rich, dynamic, and diverse expression of love, intimacy, and desire. It...
26/10/2024

🖤 What Is Black S*xuality? 🖤
Black s*xuality is a rich, dynamic, and diverse expression of love, intimacy, and desire. It encompasses everything from s*xual identity and orientation to how we experience pleasure, relationships, and our bodies. But the narrative around Black s*xuality has been shaped by harmful myths and stereotypes that rob us of our complexity.
So, why does this matter? 🤔
✨ Representation: Historically, Black s*xuality has been misrepresented—either hypers*xualised or des*xualised. Reclaiming our stories restores dignity, autonomy, and agency to our bodies and experiences.
✨ Healing: Addressing the trauma and shame that many Black individuals have faced allows us to reclaim healthy, joyful relationships with ourselves and others.
✨ Visibility: Our s*xuality is not a monolith. From q***r to straight, cisgender to non-binary, Black s*xuality is as diverse as we are—and deserves to be seen and celebrated.
By reclaiming Black s*xuality, we are saying YES to self-definition, YES to authenticity, and YES to pleasure and love without shame. Together, we challenge harmful narratives and embrace the beauty of our true, multifaceted selves. 💫
Let’s continue the conversation: What does reclaiming Black s*xuality mean to you? Drop a comment and share your thoughts!
*xuality *xualHealing

💫 Pleasure as Resistance 💫Reclaiming Black s*xuality means owning the full spectrum of our emotions: joy, pleasure, vuln...
21/10/2024

💫 Pleasure as Resistance 💫
Reclaiming Black s*xuality means owning the full spectrum of our emotions: joy, pleasure, vulnerability, and strength. The erotic gives us the freedom to define ourselves beyond stereotypes. Pleasure itself becomes an act of resistance against a world that tries to diminish us. We are complex, whole, and empowered. 🖤✨ *xuality
💥 Claim Your Joy 💥
Choose one activity this week that brings you pure joy—whether it’s dancing, creating art, or simply resting. Allow yourself to experience pleasure without guilt. Share what you did in the comments or send it in a DM. Pleasure is your birthright, and celebrating it is an act of resistance. ✨
*xuality

✨ Healing Through the Erotic ✨For generations, Black bodies have been sites of trauma and exploitation. But the erotic, ...
14/10/2024

✨ Healing Through the Erotic ✨

For generations, Black bodies have been sites of trauma and exploitation. But the erotic, as Lorde describes it, can also be a source ofhealing. When we reconnect with our deepest feelings and desires, we reclaim the power to heal and transform our narratives. It’s about turning pain into strength, and reclaiming joy. 🌻
Find a quiet space and do a 5-minute grounding exercise. Focus on your breath and ask yourself: “What do I need to heal today?” Write down one small step you can take to nurture your emotional and physical well-being. Healing starts with honoring your needs. 🌱 Comment below with a heart when you’ve done it.
*xuality

🖤 The Erotic as Power 🖤Audre Lorde taught us that the erotic is more than s*xuality—it’s a deep connection to our emotio...
12/10/2024

🖤 The Erotic as Power 🖤
Audre Lorde taught us that the erotic is more than s*xuality—it’s a deep connection to our emotions and our sense of self. For Black people, reclaiming the erotic is a radical act of self-love and power. Our bodies, our desires, and our stories belong to us, not to the stereotypes that have been forced upon us. Reclaim your narrative. 
💡 Reflection Time 💡
Take 5 minutes today to reflect on what brings you true joy and makes you feel powerful. Journal about one way you can reclaim your narrative, whether through your body, emotions, or your creative expression. Feel free to share your ‘true joy’ in the comments or privately—your story is yours to own.
🌱 *xuality
*xtherapyuk

Welcome to Reclaiming Black S*xual Narratives: A 20-Day Series to celebrate  ! ✨🖤 For centuries, Black s*xuality has bee...
11/10/2024

Welcome to Reclaiming Black S*xual Narratives: A 20-Day Series to celebrate

! ✨🖤 For centuries, Black s*xuality has been misrepresented, objectified, and distorted by narratives that were not our own.

From the dangerous myths of hypers*xualization to the erasure of Black q***r identities, these stories have had lasting impacts on our communities and our self-perception . Over the next 20 days, we will reclaim, reframe, and celebrate the true diversity and beauty of Black s*xuality. 🗣️🔥
🔎 What to expect: 💫 Unpacking harmful stereotypes 💫 Celebrating Black s*xuality icons 💫 Exploring the intersections of race, gender, and s*xuality 💫 Uplifting the richness of Black love, intimacy, and pleasure.
Our s*xuality is not a monolith. It is multifaceted, powerful, and worthy of celebration. Join me as we reclaim our right to define ourselves on our own terms.
What stereotypes or myths around black s*xuality do you want to see debunked?
ReclaimingNarratives *xuality *xualitymatters *xtherapy *xtherapist

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