05/02/2025
In my quest for lasting love ā¤ļø, I realised the true power wasnāt in waiting for someone else to change ā it was in transforming myself.
For years, my love life felt like a turbulent voyage rolling along unpredictable heart-churning waters . Sometimes it was a steady cruise along sunny shores.
Other days were more disconcerting with a Vanishing Vince (there always was one) at the helm, plunging me from joy, infatuation and hope to heartbreak, confusion and despair.
It felt like a cycle I couldnāt break free from no matter how much I wanted to.
I would convince myself āsurely this time he'll changeā but deep down I knew the truth... āwhy do you keep doing this to yourself?ā
His sporadic appearances were like flashes of lighthouse beams that promised safety, only to dim when I needed comfort the most.
I felt powerless around Vanishing Vince, the lingering smell of his aftershave alone made it impossible to stop obsessing about him. In my heart I knew we were no good for each other, yet I clung to the faint glimmer of potential of what could be.
Promises I made to myself were broken time and again, because the truth was that I didnāt believe I deserved better. āHeāll changeā, I told myself, then āyou need to cut him out of your lifeā ābut surely heāll realise that Iām the one if only I wait patiently enoughā āheās been through so muchā¦Iām the only one who understands himā I convinced myself.
Friends warned me. My heart warned me. Still I clung on because the fear of losing him felt worse than losing myself, even though he was never really mine.
Then, one night I finally saw through the thick fog of denial and everything changed. I saw something, seemingly small yet significant, which suddenly gave me clarity: I would never be a priority to him. The truth hit me like a punch in the stomach. I felt waves of grief then calm and resolve as I realised that I just didnāt want to live like this anymore. The figure of Vanishing Vince, once majestic on a pedestal, now stood exposed and crumbling before my eyes.
My spirit soared as I realized that I had the power to steer my life. That night, I decided to stop waiting for someone to choose me. Instead, I chose myself. Good-bye people-pleasing!
Over the years I explored tools and practices like journaling, meditation and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). EFT made me feel heard, validated and acknowledged. I was able to heal past wounds, shift limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviours and gradually re-build my self-worth by literally reprogramming the patterns that had held me back.
By valuing myself and setting boundaries, I opened the door to new possibilities and healthier relationships. I began embracing my authentic self which allowed me to attract the love and respect I deserved, transforming my life one courageous step at a time.
Seven years ago, I met my current partner - a man who shows up, communicates openly and even makes me breakfast in bed. For the first time I was able to speak up and be heard. Never in my wildest dreams would the me of all those years ago have thought Iād be in such a loving, committed relationship where I feel valued and feel free to be me.
Looking back, itās hard to believe I stayed lost in those turbulent patterns for so long but I now know that the key to lasting love was within me all along.
If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: you are worthy of the love you desire - but you have to believe it first š.
Let me know if this resonates š„°
