29/03/2026
Growing up, I was bullied.
By an uncle who forced lessons on a little girl that no child should ever learn. By a boy who mocked my glasses. By a girl who resented a wealth I didn’t even have. Even by a teacher, Mrs. Adams (may her soul rest exactly where it needs to be).
For a long time, I hid behind a mask. A smile that said "I’m fine" while I figured out how to survive.
But then, I decided to show up for myself. Living in the Durban heat, I chose my own style, short dresses, high heels, and a rule I lived by. My heels and my standards will always be as high as my hemline.
Then came the whispers. "Why is her top so low?" "Why is she wearing red lipstick?" Funny how those whispers often come from people whose own daughters now dress exactly the same way.
I realized back then, this is a 'them' problem, not a 'me' problem. Unless they’re booking an appointment to discuss their opinions, I simply don’t have the time.
But not everyone finds that fire early. This week, I sat with R. R was bullied for her hair, for her legs, for her natural self. When she wanted to explore her identity at 17, her mother shut it down with a sentence that cut like a knife. "Cheap people wear short clothes and red lipstick."
So, R dimmed her light. She dressed like her grandmother to please a mother who feared her daughter’s power.
Now, at 27, R is heartbroken. Someone recently asked if her 18 year old niece was her daughter. She feels lost, invisible, and terrified to date because she doesn't know who she is under the "sensible" layers.
To R, and to anyone who has let someone else’s fear dictate their fashion:
1. Reclaim the "Red Lipstick": Your mother’s definition of "cheap" was actually her own fear of being seen. Red lipstick isn't a sign of character. it’s a celebration of presence. Wear it.
2. Audit Your Wardrobe, Audit Your Soul: If you look in the mirror and see your mother’s expectations instead of your own joy, change the outfit. Start small. A shorter hem, a bolder color, a haircut that feels like you.
3. The "Them" Tax: People will always talk. They talked about me, and they will talk about you. Let them. Their whispers are the tax they pay for not having the courage to live as loudly as you do.
4. Healing is the Ultimate Makeover: You aren't "too old" to start over at 27, 47, or 77. The girl who wanted the short haircut is still inside you, waiting for permission to come out.
R didn’t need a stylist; she needed a reminder that she is the architect of her own skin.
If you are struggling to find your identity because someone else held the pen while your story was being written it’s time to take the pen back.
Wear the damn lipstick. Raise the hemline. And never, ever apologize for being the most vivid version of yourself.
Love M xx
