Benjamin Fry

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Benjamin Fry

Benjamin Fry is a psychotherapist, author, and founder of Khiron Clinics. He wrote The Invisible Lion and founded Televagal, a tech platform for therapists.

He specialises in trauma and relationships, combining lived experience and clinical training.

08/01/2026

Healthy relationships don’t erase our past—they often bring us closer to it. When love deepens, old attachment patterns and nervous system responses can surface, making closeness feel unexpectedly threatening. This isn’t failure; it’s survival memory. Attachment lives in the body, shaped by early experiences of safety, loss, or inconsistency.

Through the lens of trauma and Polyvagal Theory, my latest blog blog explores why healthy love can feel so hard, how the nervous system reacts automatically, and how regulation, boundaries, and repair can transform relationships into powerful spaces for healing, integration, and lasting connection.

🔗 https://bit.ly/4blEsZX

06/01/2026

The body responds and adapts to protect you long before your mind can understand or describe what’s happening. This means that before we can consciously understand or process an experience, our body has already reacted. Muscle tension, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, or freeze responses can all happen without conscious thought.

Trauma lives in these early bodily patterns. Even when the mind says “I’m safe,” the body may still be holding onto the original survival strategies it developed in response to danger. The key is in bringing awareness to the body, noticing these patterns, and gently allowing the nervous system to release what was never safely expressed.

Learn more bout how these patterns develop and play out in daily life, as well as strategies to cope and overcome them in The Invisible Lion.

Get your own copy today:
https://bit.ly/4gf3fPY

01/01/2026

Happy New Year! 🎉

Change doesn’t have to come with pressure or stress. I invite you to approach this year with curiosity, patience, and self-compassion. Small, mindful steps are what help us grow, heal, and connect, rather than rushing toward “perfect” resolutions. Celebrate presence, not perfection.

30/12/2025

When two dysregulated nervous systems come together, they create more than double the stress.

Two dysregulated nervous systems don’t just meet; they multiply. In relationships, when both people carry unresolved stress and survival responses, those patterns interact in ways that intensify reactivity, misattunement, and conflict. This isn’t about blame, it’s about biology.

Understanding how nervous system regulation shapes connection helps us move from automatic survival reactions into mutual regulation and healing. True closeness grows not from perfection, but from awareness, safety, and the willingness to notice and respond to our own and each other’s nervous systems. Healing in a relationship requires presence, regulation, and compassion.

Read more in my blog ‘Relationships and How to Work Them’: https://bit.ly/4pnSgHx

29/12/2025

Why did I set up a trauma clinic?

At the time, a lot of people thought I was mad.
It felt risky, unconventional, and far from guaranteed.

But I had a strong sense that this kind of work was needed.
So I followed my gut and built something based on what I knew truly helps people heal.

I wanted to offer others what I had been given.
Care that goes deep, treats the root, and takes trauma seriously.

I’m deeply thankful I trusted that instinct.
Because I’ve seen how many lives this clinic has improved, and in some cases, saved.

25/12/2025

Christmas often invites connection with loved ones, but it can also stir old patterns, expectations, and emotional strain. If this season feels tender, remember that your nervous system is simply responding to what it’s learned, with the tools it had at the time to stay safe.

Offer yourself care, rest, and the space to feel the depth of what's going on for you. Check in with emotions and physical sensations, taking time to track body tension, notice thought patterns, and take space when it’s needed. From a more grounded place, a genuine connection becomes possible. Wishing you a Christmas marked not by pressure and expectation, but by presence, warmth, and the quiet safety of being yourself.

23/12/2025

We don’t cling to our defences out of stubbornness. We keep them because, once upon a time, they were the only structures holding us together. These patterns, such as withdrawal, vigilance, perfectionism, and shutting down, were shaped by moments when safety and consistency wasn’t guaranteed, so the body adapted with remarkable intelligence. But what once protected us can quietly become the walls we live behind.

Healing isn’t about tearing those walls down. It’s about helping the nervous system recognise that the landscape has changed. With patience and support, the body learns it can soften, breathe, and trust again, because protection is no longer the only way to survive.

22/12/2025

Stop expecting your partner to fix you.

One of the biggest traps in relationships is hoping the other person will heal our wounds for us.
That is too much weight for any relationship to carry.

When you can name your trauma, your patterns, your baggage, and bring it honestly into the relationship, something shifts.
Not “fix me,” but “walk with me.”

Your partner is not your therapist.
They can be your friend, your ally, your collaborator.

That’s how relationships stop feeling like a battle and start feeling like a team.

19/12/2025

I’ve wanted to collaborate with PTSD UK for a long time.

I genuinely believe in the work they do, supporting people living with PTSD and C-PTSD, and helping to make conversations about trauma more honest and accessible.

I’m really looking forward to this live webinar where we’ll be exploring why relationships can feel so hard after trauma, how the nervous system shapes love and conflict, and what actually helps create more safety and connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of overreacting, shutting down, or feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” in relationships, this session is for you.

🗓 Thursday 5 February
🕢 7.30–9.00pm
📍 Online via Zoom

You can sign up via PTSD UK. I’d love to see you there.

18/12/2025

In intimate relationships, the past often enters the present because closeness activates the deepest layers of the nervous system shaped by early experiences of safety and threat. What looks like disproportionate reactions, such as a missed message feeling like betrayal or a raised voice triggering fear, is not about the partner, but history showing up through the body. Trauma is not only a story; it is embodied survival intelligence.

Healing in relationships requires nervous system regulation, not just communication skills. When partners learn to notice old reactions and co regulate with awareness and compassion, familiar survival patterns can gradually become opportunities for repair and connection.

Read more in my latest blog, here: https://bit.ly/4pExUKg

17/12/2025

One piece of advice for a happier relationship.

Be clear about the context you’re in together.
What are you committing to, and are you both aligned?

It’s not about having the “right” kind of relationship.
It’s about clarity, communication, and commitment that does not change with the weather.

Life will bring pressure, disagreement, and difference.
Something needs to stay steady.

16/12/2025

Feelings aren’t problems to solve or enemies to outthink; they’re signals from within asking to be acknowledged. When we meet our emotions with resistance, our defences strengthen. When we meet feelings with compassion, defences seem less powerful, softening and lowering.

Even the hardest feelings, such as fear, grief, shame, or anger, are parts of us longing to be seen, soothed, and included. Healing begins not by pushing them away but by offering them the gentle presence they may have never fully received.

Address

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W1G9

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https://benjaminfry.co.uk/links

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