28/02/2025
When are things too much?
Dearest one in need,
If we have become used to endurance, we can become accustomed to hyper- independence and not seeking support when we need it. If we come from a background where caregivers did not meet our needs, we develop survival adaptations for getting us through. The internal model is
‘I am too much/ I am not important/ no-one is there for me’.
Often we miss when things are too much, are overwhelming, because the evolutionary sensory mechanisms that we are given to survive are worn out, overused, switched off as we attempt to deny or dissociate from our needs.
Pretending that you’re ok when you’re not, having too few expectations of others to meet us where we are, or too many expectations of ourselves to cope or push through when we are depleted. This can lead to not asking for help, not knowing when we need help, illness, anxiety, mood disorders, coping adaptations, addiction, eating disorders, self harm, depression, aberration, inappropriate defensiveness, over-achieving, an inability to say ‘No’ , or to confront the insensitivities and mistreatment by or to others, emotional shutdown, even psychosis.
It’s ok to ask for help.
Humans need other humans.
We are hardwired for connection and mutual care-giving.
You are not too much.
You are enough.
You are important.
Not everyone can meet our needs- but someone can.
And that someone will want to, because they love and care about you . The human in them sees the human in you and says’I know you’
Pain needs to be felt and seen, witnessed.
We are not designed to be alone.
Our fragility is not weakness.
Humanity does not survive by strength-
It survives through love.
With my love,
Julia xx
