Holli Rubin BA MSW

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Holli Rubin BA MSW

Psychotherapist. Body image specialist. Mental health practitioner.

21/11/2025

Alone and lonely - they’re often used interchangeably, but they mean very different things.

Being alone can be restorative. It’s space to process, reflect, and come back to yourself. Some people need more of that time than others - especially if life feels “on” all the time. Alone time can be a form of self-care.

Time needed to recharge - especially that social battery that seems to be “on” all the time.

But not everyone finds alone time comfortable.

For some, being alone can feel confronting or even anxiety-inducing. If that’s the case for you, it can be worth asking why. What comes up for you in that quiet space?

“Lonely”, loneliness or feeling lonely, on the other hand, is something different. It’s often triggered by change: children leaving home, shifting routines, breakups, or even simply the passing of a season. Loneliness is experienced in the absence of connection, not the absence of company.

In those moments, it’s the small interactions that matter even more. Being greeted by the familiar barista, smiling at someone on your morning walk, starting a brief chat with a neighbour. They’re tiny moments of connection that we all need and that remind us that we’re part of something.

If you’re feeling lonely, try to push yourself gently toward contact. Not just a text, but a phone call, a walk, a shared coffee.

It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s part of being human. What matters is recognising it, and reaching out, even in small ways, when you do. You’ll be amazed at what will come up.

12/11/2025

It’s encouraging to see the NHS incorporating menopause checks into routine health assessments for women aged 40 and over.

For too long, women’s symptoms at midlife have been overlooked or misunderstood - often dismissed as stress, anxiety, or simply “getting older.”

This new initiative marks an important step forward in recognising menopause as a key health consideration, not just a passing phase.

As a psychotherapist working with midlife women, I always include both physical and emotional wellbeing in my assessments.

Understanding how hormonal and physiological changes intersect with mental health is crucial - because so often, what looks like anxiety, low mood, or loss of motivation has deeper roots in perimenopause.

When healthcare professionals ask the right questions, women feel seen, understood, and empowered to get the support they need.

This is progress - and hopefully the start of more holistic care for women in midlife.

11/11/2025

Why does friendship feel harder in midlife?

Maybe the group chats go quiet. Maybe people move away.

Maybe old friendships no longer fit- but the idea of making new ones feels overwhelming.

Midlife brings change: children leaving home, career shifts, divorce, hormonal changes - all of which can prompt questions like: Who am I now?

And somewhere in the middle of it all, loneliness can quietly creep in.

Not because anything has been done wrong, but because life has shifted.

The truth is, friendship often looks different in our 40s, 50s, and beyond - and that’s okay.

It’s not about having a large circle. What matters most is having a few people who truly see you.

10/11/2025

In my work, I see every day how important it is that we speak openly about menopause and the many transitions that come with midlife.

Menopause isn’t just a stage of symptoms to “get through”

It’s a powerful phase of life. A true transition that offers opportunities for growth, strength, and connection.

This year's World Menopause Day centred around Lifestyle Medicine - a theme that deeply resonates with my work. True support is holistic.

Practicing as an integrative psychotherapist, this is the lens through which we work: it’s about movement, nourishment, rest, and meaningful relationships. It’s also about access to good medical care, informed choices, and knowing what works best for you.

When we view menopause through this wider lens - as an evolution, not a decline - we give ourselves permission to thrive.

This clip is from my conversation with Dr Louise Newson on Hormones Unlocked, where we explored how mental health and menopause are deeply connected - and why awareness and open dialogue are key to supporting women through this transition.

07/11/2025

We talk so much about beginnings and endings.
�The breakthroughs, the milestones.

But what about the messy middle - that space in between?

In psychology, it’s called the liminal space.

Naming it can be powerful, because having language for a feeling helps us understand and make sense of what we’re experiencing.

Liminal space is where someone has outgrown what once fit - an identity, a role, a routine - but hasn’t yet stepped fully into what comes next.

It can feel scary and lonely. Almost like being suspended between two worlds: the one left behind, and the one not entered yet.

In my clinical work, I see how unsettling this can be - especially for women in midlife.
�Children grow up. Bodies change. Priorities shift.

We evolve - and that often means letting go of environments, habits, and even relationships that no longer serve us.

It’s important to remember: this in‑between isn’t failure, and it isn’t being stuck.
�It’s growth. It’s the bridge.

And while it may feel strange and sometimes lonely at first, it’s also where possibility lives.

If you’re here right now - in transition, in the “liminal” - trust that it’s not wasted time. It’s the passageway to what comes next.

06/11/2025

I had a remarkable few days at Masters Events Oxford 2025 back in September.

Each year, this gathering continues to grow richer and more inspiring - bringing together the leading voices in psychology, wellness, and
the arts.

This year’s theme, Transform Trauma: Healing Our Relational World, set the stage for profound discussions and moving insights on how we can better understand, connect, and support one another.

It was an honour to be part of this extraordinary community again this year, surrounded by so many brilliant minds and heartfelt conversations. I’m leaving with a deep sense of connection, curiosity, and gratitude - and inspired by the collective work being done to create real change in our relational world.

24/09/2025

"Are they upset with me?" "Did I say something wrong?" "Do they still like me?"

If these thoughts sound familiar, you might be experiencing what psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Are You Mad at Me? calls Fawning.

Fawning is a form of people-pleasing where we mask parts of ourselves to keep others happy, avoid conflict, or feel safe in relationships.

It’s a survival strategy that can quietly disconnect us from who we really are. And while it can start early in life, midlife shifts - in roles, relationships, and identity - can make it show up in new ways.

You may find yourself smoothing things over, keeping quiet, or saying yes when you want to say no, all to hold on to a sense of security.

Noticing it through awareness is the first step. The next is gently practising honesty in small, safe ways- allowing yourself to be seen, little by little, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Over time, this helps build trust in yourself and in your relationships.

18/09/2025

Back to front.

Why do we hear that phrase as a criticism - as if itWhy do we hear that phrase as a criticism - as if it’s wrong?

Sometimes doing things “back to front” is simply how your brain makes sense of the world.

In one of my art classes, we visited an exhibit that showed the backs of pieces normally never displayed. The scratched notes, scribbles, and markings - meant only for the artist or the gallery hanger - revealed a whole other side to the artwork.

The layers beneath the surface. The unseen process. The parts we’re usually not meant to see.

This visit really resonated as it mirrored the work I do in the therapy room.

I have the privilege of hearing what’s behind the scenes.
The hidden layers, the thoughts and feelings that aren’t shared publicly.

It’s the part that’s hidden, that seems less presentable and not for show.

And just like with the art, it’s an honour to witness and be let in to these parts of someone’s life. The parts that tend to remain “hidden”.

It’s a responsibility I never take lightly.

Front and back. Hiding and revealing. Layers of emotion.

What we choose to show, and what we hold in reserve.

And sometimes - the parts we keep hidden are the most beautiful and important of all.

02/09/2025

This summer has been one of both endings and beginnings.

Our eldest graduated from university - a milestone that closed one chapter of his life and marked the end of a stage for us as parents, too. And at the same time, our youngest began university abroad - a whole new chapter beginning with anticipation, change, and the unknown ahead.

Much of this summer felt like we were moving through a giant to-do list of ceremonies, preparations, and rituals. Each one marking the passage of time. Each one reminding me that life doesn’t pause - endings and beginnings often arrive side by side.

I noticed my role shifting too.

Learning a new phase of parenting adult children - no longer leading at the front but instead walking alongside. A shift from “director” to “consultant”.

That’s the adjustment all parents eventually face.

And so, as my children step into their next chapters, I do too. Because life isn’t only lived in the milestones - it’s lived in the in-between, in the letting go, and in the small adjustments that carry us forward every single day.

22/08/2025

So many people wish for more time.

More hours in the day, more days in the week, more years in a lifetime.

But the truth is - it’s not about having more time. It’s about how we use the time we already have.

For many, midlife can bring this into sharper focus. There’s a new awareness of time passing - children growing up, parents ageing, personal milestones passing by. It can feel confronting.

Yet this awareness can also be a gift. Noticing time can change how it’s valued. It might mean rushing less. Pausing more. Soaking up the small joys. Prioritising what truly matters.

This kind of awareness transforms ordinary moments into meaningful ones - a conversation at the kitchen table, a walk in the park, a laugh with a friend.

No one can control how much time they get. But everyone can choose how deeply they live in the time they have.

18/08/2025

It’s hard to believe the time has come to drop our third and youngest off to university.

Even though I’ve done this twice before, it’s still hard.

Each time is different - a new goodbye, a new chapter, a new adjustment.

What has made it a bit easier this time?

Being all together.
Reminiscing about childhood days, fun times, and the memories we’ve made as a family.

How do you prepare over the weeks for a moment like this?

You stay up late to make the most of every minute.
You agree to another grocery run, a walk around the block, a lift into town - because you know these are the last moments together before life as you know it changes in a big way.

Rites of passage like this aren’t just growth edges for the person stepping into their new chapter - they’re growth edges for everyone around them too.

An ending and a beginning all at once. Bringing up all kinds of different memories and feelings.

In these spaces there is a reminder that transitions are not just moments in time - they are opportunities to stretch, to adapt, and to love more deeply.

Missing you already and cannot wait to watch you soar.

04/08/2025

Here’s a mindset shift for you…

What do you “lose” every time you pick up your phone?

Summertime invites more family time, slower days, and a chance to reconnect - with others, and with ourselves.

But our phones are always there.
In between us.
Buzzing, tempting, pulling us in.

And let’s be honest - how often do you walk away from scrolling feeling better for it?
Not in the way you do after a rich conversation, a good book, or even a walk around the block.

Instead, it often feels like:
“Ugh, I’ve wasted time.”
“I didn’t enjoy that.”
“I stayed up too late again.”
“Do I even remember what I looked at?”

This isn’t a message that “phones are bad”

It’s about becoming more mindful of how they make us feel, what they are offering, and what they’re taking the place of.

Because every time we scroll, we’re choosing to say no to something else - eye contact, conversation, rest, imagination, even sleep.

We’re missing out on great things…the kind of brain-lighting stimulation that connection brings.

But it takes real effort to resist our phones.

They’re always in our pockets. Always available. Always asking.

This summer, before you reach, before you turn it over, before you unplug it, take a pause and ask:

What am I missing and losing by picking this up?
And what would feel better instead?

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My Story

I love stories! I work with people’s stories everyday... so here’s mine.

I grew up in Montreal in a close knit community where friends and family were very important and came with lots of stories... we spent a lot of time talking! I had an easy time talking and listening to anything from friends and family, to fitness and food, to fashion and finances. Early on, I came to be known as the resident therapist, always listening to people’s problems and stories.

This led me to earn a BA in Psychology from McGill University and then I got an associate’s degree in Fashion Buying and Merchandising from The Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT). Putting theory into practice in the buying office at Bergdorf Goodman taught me what it meant to be a high end buyer in the fashion industry in New York City. That experience was invaluable in that it showed me what I did NOT want. I knew I wanted to validate the positive aspects of the fashion industry (i.e. creativity, textures, fabrics) despite the chaotic nature of the industry. Needing to dig deeper, I was determined to reveal the complexity of fashion, appearance and image and how that impacted people. But how was I to negotiate my love for all things sartorial and my desire to help people?

This lead me back to university to further my studies where I worked to marry my interests of both fashion and psychology. I earned an MA in Social Work from New York University (NYU), emphasizing body image and the external impact of physical appearance on self-esteem. I wanted to understand the link between our appearance and our internal worlds; the ambivalence between who we appear to be, and who we actually are.