11/03/2026
8 years ago my life was in shambles
But it was also a step towards autonomy, intentional living and true independence as a woman beyond what society had made me think I had to be
I’d left my work as a group trainer and just hit the ground in Australia to take space and time to heal, process and grieve a massive chapter of my life that had come to a close
The end of a marriage when you don’t expect it is totally destabilising
I’d had to move back in with my parents at 32, I had very little money not for lack of capacity or ability to earn but because I’d not assumed I’d ever need to start again by myself - I hadn’t prepared for it and it’s why I believe fiercely women deserve and need their own financial independence alongside partnership and relational support
For me as the years evolved the biggest impact of this divorce was on my social identity and life - it is why I still speak of this time because of how deep the impact was felt. We all experience break ups differently - it wasn’t the pining of the past it was how the changes to the vision I’d had for my life made me think I didn’t have a place in this world anymore - I thought I was alone (I wasn’t)
I felt that grief so painfully, social occasions left me sobbing on the way home. It wasn’t anything people were doing wrong, it was how I was responding to a bubble well and truly being popped
I now understand I was experiencing severe RSD - I had overwhelming catastrophising anxiety, I could hardly know what I wanted let alone communicate that, I lost all confidence in myself and the acting career I had always dreamed of, I didn’t think I deserved it, I drank too much at parties and would wake worrying about what I’d said, I comfort ate alongside restrictive cycles and experienced debilitating IBS
I hated myself, I felt such deep shame and I really didn’t want to live anymore
But there is always a choice
The choice to get help. The choice to do the work. To adventure. To learn. To be accountable. To own mistakes and grow from them. To self lead. To understand what is conditioning, what is the, what is not, who you actually are and what you want from your life
