29/07/2025
🥊 Why do some couples fight just enough to stay together—but never enough to truly change? 🥊
In relationships, repeated conflict can create a kind of emotional stalemate. Too little friction, and partners risk facing uncomfortable truths—like guilt, regret, or unmet needs. Too much, and they may fear the relationship will fall apart. So they hover in a middle zone, unconsciously using conflict to maintain closeness while keeping vulnerability at bay.
But what if therapy could offer something different?
Bion’s theory of containment—originally about a mother’s capacity to receive and process her baby’s overwhelming feelings—can also illuminate adult relationships. In healthy partnerships, each person might offer a version of this: receiving the other’s distress, holding it, and returning it in a more manageable form. It’s not easy, but it’s where real emotional growth happens.
When couples can begin to tolerate vulnerability, dependence, and emotional pain—without falling into old patterns—they create space for transformation, not just survival.
💭 How do you see conflict operating in your own relationships or in the couples you work with?
