The Life Coach London Georgiana George

15/09/2025

Shouganai: Japanese Wisdom That Helps You Get Over Anything. The Winners' Mentality

A silent wisdom is hidden in a small Japanese word: shouganai (shoganai). Roughly translated as "you can't help it" or "it couldn't be avoided", it carries a depth that is difficult to capture in many other languages.

It doesn't mean giving up or “defeat”.
It means recognizing that some things are beyond our power — and choosing to move forward, despite them, with calm and lucidity and resilience.
ACCEPT AND ADAPT AND MOVE ON. “Tomorrow’s another day “, as Scarlet O’Hara was saying in “Gone with the Wind”

"Shouganai" is a concept, a Japanese secret born from repeated confrontation with natural disasters and circumstances that cannot be controlled.
We have all experienced such moments. Plans that fall apart. Unexpected events that change our trajectory. Things that break, people who disappoint us, fail us, situations that don’t work out or days when the world just seems too chaotic. In these moments, shouganai doesn’t come with solutions, but with acceptance.

Below, you’ll discover how this philosophy applies to everyday life, how it helps us manage challenges, and why it can be a valuable lesson in resilience for each of us.

Where the concept of Shouganai comes from: The Japanese philosophy of acceptance
In Japan, shouganai isn’t just an expression—it’s a way of looking at life.

The philosophy has been shaped by centuries of natural disasters, wars, and hardships that have been part of everyday life.
People have learned to stay balanced even when the ground beneath their feet wasn’t stable. Instead of blind resistance or complaining, shouganai offers a silent understanding: we can’t change what which has already happened, but we can choose how we carry the burden or deal with the aftermath and move forward, how we can adapt to change, and ultimately find peace, balance and be happy.

You’ll hear people say shouganai when a train is late or when the weather throws their plans into disarray.

It’s a way of making peace with life’s small (and sometimes larger) annoyances. As sociologist Chie Nakane notes, shouganai helps people live better together by reducing tension—instead of finding fault and guilt, it creates space to breathe and move on.

Shouganai: Acceptance and Resilience in Everyday Life

To some, shouganai may seem like resignation.
But it actually hides a lot of strength. It takes courage to say, “It hurts, but I’m going to keep going.” It’s not about sitting back — it’s about doing what you can and letting the rest be.
It’s a lesson that many of us need right now.
In a world that pushes us to control everything — our schedules, our emotions, even our future — shouganai gives us permission to loosen our grip. To be able to say, “Okay, this happened. So what do we do now? How do we get through this?”

How to Apply the Shouganai Philosophy for Calm and Clarity

You don’t have to be Japanese to understand shouganai. It’s something we all feel, even if we don’t have a word for it. When your phone dies during an important call, when your flight is canceled, or when someone you love says something hurtful to you, shouganai reminds us: we can breathe, feel what we need to feel, and still move on.

Think back to the early days of the pandemic. So many people have had to postpone weddings, stay away from family, or give up on dreams they had planned for years. There was pain, yes. But there was also a quiet resilience. That was real-life shouganai.
Maybe we can’t fix everything. Maybe we don’t have to. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is accept what is, instead of fighting what isn’t. That’s shouganai. It’s not spectacular. It’s not loud. But it carries a quietness within it—the kind that helps us live each moment, each day, and still smile up at the sky.

What Shouganai Teaches Us About Resilience and Acceptance

Shouganai reminds us that we can’t control everything, and that some situations simply can’t be changed.
This Japanese philosophy does not ask us to resign ourselves to it, but teaches us how to reduce the impact of problems on our lives, manage stress, and overcome challenges with calm, clarity, and courage.

In the face of seemingly insurmountable difficulties, shouganai becomes an active strategy of resilience, acceptance, and adaptation.

15/11/2022

Stop 🛑 “ VICTIM MODE”
We are not defined by others and their opinions

Stop sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts, limiting beliefs and 'victim'-like self-pity.

It only brings us lower, makes us more angry and frustrated. Detach from those who serve you no more good, encourage healthier relationships with those who are there for you and stand by you. Keep your 'circle' small but make sure they are decent and there for your highest good in times of need.

Do not forget to be kind to yourself. Treasure your identity without the comparison to others and their validation. Who are they? Do you really know? What you see is only the façade. What goes on behind closed doors - in most people - we do not see.

Do not sabotage yourself with negative thoughts. Learn to talk to your brain positively and turn most negatives into a positive.

Do not keep banging on closed doors! That is another thing. You keep expecting something from someone who is clearly on another orbit of soul. They cannot do any more - they have not got it within themselves. So, let go. Do not view it was rejection or abandonment. It is merely their inability to do more.

They say, 'do not expect a dog to play the piano'. This is true in all aspects of our life where we feel people let us down. They just cannot and will not be on the same orbit as us in this lifetime. Why then get angry, frustrated and feel let down and make ourselves feel weak when others do not respond to us appropriately? We are then hurting ourselves with expectations that cannot ever be fulfilled. We need to understand that we are not defined by those around us that give us or not their validation or acceptance, or approval.

We need to first find our self-esteem in order to have a healthier relationship with ourselves and then with the world around us. We need to love ourselves regardless of others’ love or lack of love for us. We need to stop 'bending over' to others' whimsical likes or dislikes of us. We need to stop sabotaging ourselves if someone does not want us, agree with us, love us, need us...

We are not here to please the world, as we will ultimately never be able to please everyone. Even those closest to us have their own 'demons' - we cannot be there on standby to please them or seek their validation. This would only lower our self-esteem and hurt us even more.

Why sabotage ourselves with negative thoughts and make ourselves ill? We must think of ourselves as “islands”- floating islands on the sea of Life. Our island 🏝 is all that we need and want. It is equipped with all that we need to make ourselves happy. Why then look at other floating islands and compare ourselves?

What we see is only a 'mirage', a perspective of the reality that hides many a time the truth behind sealed walls. And when we compare with others' floating islands that we can never truly see behind their fortress walls, we end up in a vortex of self-doubt and feeling low about ourselves. We lower our self-esteem.

Learn to be happy on your own island and make the best out of what you are given. Yes, improve it, look after it, 'embellish' it in many ways as it is yours to keep and work on it, but do not sabotage it by comparing it to others’ islands.

Learn to see the beauty on your island and make the most of it. We are 'work in progress' till the day we die. Growth is allowed and can never be stopped by anyone or anything. We are what we make ourselves to be. Not what others make us or, if we allow them, break us.

When we allow someone to be responsible for our 'victim' mode, we are not in control of our feelings and happiness anymore. They are. And unless they change their view of us or how they treat us, they will forever be in control of how we feel about ourselves.

But, just as much as we have allowed them, we can then disallow them. And then we can be free and independent of them and their opinion of us. We can stop the hurting link.

But when we blame the others and we feel like the 'victim', we become incapacitated by our own bo***ge to that person whom we blame. They become the one that holds our happiness and contentment in their hands. We are waiting for them to change their opinion of us, which may never happen. They may never be able to. Hence, we end up forever feeling sorry for ourselves and unable to surpass our unhappiness. When we no longer accept to be the 'victim' of others, we are then free to choose our own new paths and build afresh and be independent of anyone and their opinion of us.

We just need ourselves and need to take full responsibility of where we are in our lives. We can then make new choices and build new paths.

Who we are can only be determined by who we really want to be. No one can do anything on our land unless we permit them entry. Let the right ones in…

12/11/2020

https://thelifecoachlondon.com/2020/11/12/overcoming-self-abandonment-issues/

Overcoming self-abandonment issues



What do we even mean by ‘self-abandonment’? There are various forms but, in this post, I am referring to emotional and relational self-abandonment.

Do you struggle to trust yourself? Are you overly critical of yourself? Do you turn to others for the love and healing that you are not giving yourself? Do you value the needs of others over your own and thereby diminish your own feelings?

If this resonates with you, please keep reading.

Individuals with self-abandonment issues may suppress their own feelings and goals to please others, be they their family, friends or partner. This leads to further unhappiness, as you are ultimately betraying your own needs. 

Have you stopped to think of your relationship with yourself? Do you set unrealistically high standards for yourself and then put yourself down when you cannot meet them? Often, people who struggle with self-abandonment never quite feel worthy. They tell themselves that they’re not good enough, that they’re not ________ enough. Whichever negative adjective you may choose to fill that blank, you are gradually chipping away at your self-esteem and fuelling the self-abandonment.

In a relationship, it is important that you learn how to build your own sense of worth rather than looking to your partner to give that to you or to “complete” you. This emptiness you feel may be due to unresolved past issues or emotions. This self-abandonment may translate into neediness, which can then lead to controlling and manipulative behaviour with a partner, as you struggle with being alone. If someone rejects you, it is somehow your fault and you automatically are to blame for xy reason. In reality, that may not be the case. Our own well-being is our own responsibility. So, you determine your own sense of fulfilment and happiness. We cannot look to others for that.

This may become a vicious cycle of denial and blame, which will continue until you deal with the past, otherwise we will always be running away from ourselves.
At its fundamental core, self-abandonment stems from the absence of self-trust.

The first steps to making a change is focusing on self-care and exploration.
Ask yourself these two questions when trying to make that right change:

"Why am I making this decision?"  Do your thoughts involve any negative feelings, such as shame, guilt or fear? If you answer yes, you are mostly likely in self-abandoner mode.
“If I had no one else’s influence on my decision making, would I still want to do ________?”  Removing others’ input in your decision making can determine your true feelings on the matter at hand.

Please remember that there is no quick fix. Becoming a self-abandoner does not happen overnight nor will we change after one positive thought or experience. However, soon you will create a journey of thoughts and experiences which start giving you that confidence in your own self and it will soon turn into a more natural behaviour pattern.

The Life Coach London Georgiana George- Life Coach, Therapist, Certified NLP Practitioner

24/09/2020

https://youtu.be/L8Urp-wqQgc

thelifecoachlondon.com

23/09/2020

https://youtu.be/o_s1cSN9-io SHORT TALK ON MY SERVICES

07/08/2020

Techniques to build up self-esteem and confidence

Zoom meeting , hosted by Matt Uberoi -Community Project Manager at Chelsea Theatre in RBKC (Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea ) find out more thelifecoachlondon.com

07/08/2020

Coping advise for those that suffer loss in all its forms

Zoom meeting , hosted by Matt Uberoi -Community Project Manager at Chelsea Theatre in RBKC (Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea )
Advise for people going through various forms of crisis, whether having to deal with a job loss, illness or loss of a family member.

find out more thelifecoachlondon.com

07/08/2020

How to deal with your children in their young age to help them build up their self worth and confidence and prepare them for life when they leave home

Zoom meeting , hosted by Matt Uberoi -Community Project Manager at Chelsea Theatre in RBKC (Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea )

find out more thelifecoachlondon.com

07/08/2020

What is Life Coaching and how it can benefit us.

Zoom meeting , hosted by Matt Uberoi -Community Project Manager at Chelsea Theatre in RBKC (Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea ) What is Life Coaching and how it can benefit us.

find out more thelifecoachlondon.com

07/08/2020

10 simple activities to build up SELF-ESTEEM

It is a well documented fact that people with a good sense of self esteem consistently have better mental health and are happier and more successful in their day-to-day life. When you struggle with low self-esteem improving your sense of self-worth can be a journey that needs a lot of dedication and time.

There are 10 simple things that you can do every day to boost your self esteem .

1. Look at what you’ve already achieved. Make a list of all the things you’re proud of in your life which might be anything from learning to cook or pass an exam or learn to drive or play an instrument etc. Keep a list of all those things you are proud of. When you are low in confidence get the list out and use it as a reminder of the wonderful stuff you’re proud of. Look at your successes and honour yourself by acknowledging them.

2. Make yourself a priority. From early age we are taught by our parents or in school to put others’ needs first. We are taught to not be selfish. However, making your own needs a priority gives one a good sense of self-esteem.There has to be a good balance between being not selfish and making your own needs a priority.When you start to realise that your own needs have value, you begin to realise that you yourself have value.

3. Find yourself. If all your life you’ve ignored your needs and tried to please others you may not know what your authentic self actually is. Discover what really drives you and brings you joy. This increases self-esteem.

4. Stop being a people pleaser.People pleasers make everyone else a priority over themselves and they try to pretend they possess certain qualities that others would like to see in them just to be accepted. This has a negative effect on self-esteem. Being your own authentic self and forgetting what others want you to be is the way to building your self-esteem.

5. Use positive self talk to yourself rather than negative self talk. Negative self talk ( i.e.calling yourself ugly or unlikable or not good enough) creates a self-esteem drop which leads to more negative self-talk.

6. Don’t beat yourself over your mistakes. Many of us view our mistakes as personal failures. All humans make mistakes. Try to view these mistakes as lessons to be learned or opportunities to improve yourself . Boost your self-esteem by changing your way of thinking.

7. Be grateful. Growing a healthy sense of self esteem involves the ability to be grateful for what you have. Stop comparing yourself with someone else or with someone else’s situation or what that someone may have.Instead of looking at what others have , focus on what it is that you do have.

8. Surround yourself with positive people. Positive people can help you improve your self-esteem and can give you a feel good factor. Those that are negative and pull you down, should not be in your close social groups.

9. Learn how to say no. When you learn how to say no, you teach others that your boundaries are to be respected and that you won’t be taken for granted.

10. Love yourself. When you love yourself, you have a healthier life. You take care of your body by eating the right food, exercising, taking care of your mind with positive talk, a healthy social life, mindfulness techniques.

Because we are human beings with well ingrained habits of thought and behaviour developed over a lifetime, some of these 10 suggested activities might not be easy at first. But if you consistently practice these actions every day they will start to become second nature and you will start to see an improvement in your self-esteem.