31/03/2026
After my book signing today , I met up with a friend who asked me why therapists can’t recognize narcissists. Or why they seem to take their side. I get this question often. Sometimes the question is: “does therapy work?” Or “does it do more harm than good?”
Therapy is a business. Therapists provide a service and clients are customers of that business. Like all businesses, when you hire someone for a service, you’re seeking something.
Some people hire a therapist to face themselves. They want to hear difficult things. They want practices outside of sessions. They want somatic work to actually heal their body. They want a person outside of a situation to give them feedback. And they grow because of it.
Therapy helps so many people. It helps people who want to help themselves.
No therapist can control, change, or get through to a client who does not want to change. No therapist can force someone to do the work.
People with high narcissistic traits have high levels of shame and disconnection. They’re disconnected from family, from friends, and from themselves. Their therapist becomes a validation source. Someone who is paid to listen to their narrative and to confirm things they want confirmed. An attuned therapist immediately knows when a client doesn’t want to be pushed. They know when they don’t want to be activated. They know when a client just wants to talk to a listening ear. This is what someone with a high level of narcissistic traits will seek in therapy. For them, therapy helps strengthen their narrative, even if that narrative isn’t reality.
They’re not trying to heal themselves. They’re trying desperately to have someone mirror back to them that they are victims of circumstance. That they did not play a role in what they’ve experienced. And most importantly, they will often misunderstand or weaponize things their therapist says because they’re not trying to heal. They’re trying to be right
