05/02/2026
Hello everyone. Today we will talk about how, when we expect something from someone, when we want them to act in a specific way, talk in a specific way, or say certain things in a specific way, we detach ourselves from reality. The reality of life. The reality of the mind.
We often say that we have to give love, yet we still expect something in return. We fail to realise that most of the time the responses that come from another person arise from thoughts and actions that precede them. Somebody might say certain things to you or do specific things at a specific time, and all of this activity is a result of what is happening in their mind. The mind, as we know, functions like a machine, programmed in many ways to act.
Some of this programming is conscious and some unconscious, but it is still a mind. It is limited in its knowledge and therefore acts in particular ways. Somebody, for example, who has never run a business will make decisions that are perhaps not very entrepreneurial. Somebody who knows how to fix a car may be very proficient in that, but might not be able to paint or stitch clothes. The same applies to language and communication. Someone whose mind is programmed to say “hello” in the morning might not say “good morning, darling” if that is what you expect from them.
So it all depends on the structure of the mind and how it has been conditioned over time. You have to recognise that this is all happening in the mind. The being that is alive is almost sitting behind the mind, not acting, not thinking, not doing, so to speak. Regardless of the state you are in, your mind will think in its own way and perform actions in its own way. That is the natural flow.
But when someone comes in front of you expecting your mind to act in a certain way, a restriction appears. Then two minds begin fighting for their own version of reality. Neither can win, because they are two different minds. This is how expectations separate us from the reality of life and create friction between two minds that then argue endlessly about who is right. This friction creates separation between two beings who are, in truth, not separate at all.
Why are minds different? Because that is the nature of reality. Perhaps the purpose is for the mind to experience difference and diversity, to observe other minds and bodies, to connect with life, or to become intimate with life itself.
So why do we expect something from another? Why do we want them to be exactly as we want them to be, rather than as they are? It is because we have an egoic structure in the mind that holds ideas about what will make it happy. This structure generates the thought that something is not right or that someone is not right. It then projects that thought onto the other person and feels disappointed when expectations are not met. The other person’s mind also becomes agitated, and now both nervous systems are in collapse. Physically, there is a desire for distance, because expectation creates agitation in the nervous system, the mind, and the body.
The solution is simple: observe your thoughts as they arise. When someone says something to you, realise that their mind was programmed to say exactly that at that moment. It could not have been different. It has already happened, and it cannot be changed. You can revisit it and perhaps see the beauty in it, the love that underlies it.
Instead of judging another person for their actions, observe your own thoughts and recognise them as reactions. They arise because you wanted something else. But that “I” does not exist in reality. That “I” is a structure in the mind, a collection of memories, ideas, and concepts. It is not you.
This subtle difference between the real you and thought, generated by the egoic structure, can only be seen through very keen observation and awareness. It requires energy, time, dedication, and focus to observe your own thoughts and realise that they are not real. They are always about what could have been or what should have been. They live in the past or the future.
This includes ideas you may have about life, your boss, your partner, your parents, or your children, about how things should be. Thought creates a story and keeps you away from the story of life that is unfolding within you and in front of you. To realise the fickle nature of thought is to realise peace.
Life will unfold in its own way. There are billions of factors influencing decision making, thought processes, and actions, in you and in everyone else. When you try to control the narrative of how things should be, you go against the nature of reality, and this creates suffering. Pain, agitation, and frustration arise, and your body and mind fall out of alignment.
So accept whatever comes your way, in whatever expression and form it appears, and realise that everything everyone is doing, or trying to do, is ultimately coming from love.
