13/06/2025
Your intuition telling you something was off was never the problem, you trusting it completely was.
I knew he was lying. I could feel it in my gut. That all-too-familiar tightening in my chest and the flicker of doubt. Except this time, it wasn’t what it used to be.
Last weekend I got triggered, and in the split of a second, I was thrown back into the past. To a time when I was in a relationship with a narcissist who gaslit me so consistently, I began to question my very reality.
I’d bring something up, something obvious, something I’d seen, and he’d deny it flat out. He’d make me feel like I was imagining things. Which then resulted in me internalising the doubt and silencing my intuition, whilst shrinking myself to stay “safe.”
Fast forward to now: I’m with a man I love, trust, and who truly sees me. But when I stumbled across something that didn’t add up, and he denied it, my body reacted in the same way it did in the past.
The reaction wasn’t about him. It was a trauma echo I couldn’t even control.
It turned out that he was covering up a surprise I’d accidentally spoiled.
But at that moment, my system couldn’t tell the difference. I shut down. Went inward. Ran the old loops of, "He’s lying," "Why is he lying?" "Am I overreacting?" "Can I even trust my gut?"
This time though, I trusted myself enough to speak up. I didn’t spiral and didn’t abandon myself, and didn’t let the old stories take the wheel. Instead, I named it. I leaned into the discomfort and had the conversation I would’ve avoided two decades ago.
He told the truth…..and the surprise was ruined, which made me feel guilty as hell... but also validated.
Because I wasn’t crazy. My body wasn’t wrong. My intuition wasn’t off.
20 plus years ago, I’d have stayed silent and doubted myself. I would have turned inward and punished myself for feeling too much.
Now? I trust my intuition 100%, and know precisely how to respond to any situation rather than react.
To Mr P, if you’re reading this: I’m truly sorry I ruined your surprise. I know your heart was in the right place, and I’m so grateful for the way you’ve loved me, gently, patiently, while I unlearned the armour I had to build in order to survive.
And to the women reading this...The ones who’ve walked away from gaslighting, abuse, betrayal...But still find themselves reacting to shadows of the past, to echoes of old wounds.
If you’re ready to move through them instead of being ruled by them, drop a RECLAIM in the comments or DM me and let’s talk about how I can support you.
