06/03/2026
Great explanation.
When parents say they are fighting, this is what they mean.
What The Fight Really Is
People talk about “the fight.”
Sometimes I hear
“Why does it have to be a fight?”
“Surely it can’t be that bad.”
“Maybe you’re exaggerating.”
If you have never had to walk this path, I understand why you might think that.
But let me explain what the fight actually looks like.
The family I am supporting removed their daughter from school. She has complex disabilities, including autism. Some of the behaviours and experiences happening in school were not safe. Mum knew something was wrong.
School said nothing was wrong.
Because her daughter masked. She held it together in the classroom and collapsed at home. It was easier for professionals to believe the institution than the parent.
Then siblings confirmed the worst fears. Things they had seen. Things that should never have happened.
Mum removed her from school.
That is when the real fight began.
Fines were threatened. Social care became involved. Weekly attendance visits started. Every week someone knocked on the door to check whether this loving family was somehow harming their child.
Mum tried to explain masking. She explained regression. She asked for Section 19 provision. She provided medical letters.
She commissioned private reports. Educational psychology. Specialist assessments. Professional evidence clearly describing need, risk and required provision.
She took those reports to the Local Authority and said,
“Here. This is the evidence.”
The response came back:
“This is the policy.”
“Our professionals disagree.”
“This school can meet need.”
“We have done nothing wrong.”
The reports were minimised. Reinterpreted. Set aside.
So let me explain the fight like this.
Imagine you are holding a red pen.
You take it to the Local Authority and say,
“This is red. The law says my child should receive support.”
They look at you and say,
“I’m sorry, that pen is blue.”
You insist it is red.
School says it is blue.
Other professionals aligned to the system say it is blue.
You commission independent experts. They examine the pen. They write detailed reports confirming that it is red.
You bring those reports back.
And you are still told,
“We disagree. It is blue.”
Eventually people imply you are overreacting. That you are emotional. That you are misinterpreting.
You begin to question yourself.
Meanwhile, your child is not in school. She is not sleeping. She is regressing. You have given up work. You are providing full time care.
You are paying for reports on credit cards.
Taking out loans.
Handing over financial statements to prove hardship.
Digging so deep you are using a food bank.
Not because you are irresponsible.
Because you are trying to protect your child.
You are proving weekly that you are a good parent. You are terrified of the knock at the door. You are exhausted beyond language.
In a meeting this week, a Headteacher stated that the only reason this child was regressing was because she had a safe bed and occasionally used a disability buggy. Remove those and she would “be fine.”
Imagine sitting there and hearing that.
Eventually, after months or years, you get to tribunal. A panel looks at the pen and says,
“Yes. It is red.”
By then you are financially drained. Emotionally broken. Traumatised by the process. Your child has lost time that cannot be returned.
That is the fight.
It is not about being difficult.
It is not about exaggerating.
It is not about wanting conflict.
It is about parents who know their child.
Parents who can see harm happening.
Parents trying to access support that the law already says should exist.
Some families are still waiting for diagnosis. Two or three year waits for autism or ADHD assessments while their child deteriorates. Being told there is no support without diagnosis. Being fined for non attendance when their child is too distressed to attend. Being told there is no money. Being told nothing is wrong.
It is slow.
It is relentless.
It is systemically exhausting.
So when you hear a parent say they are fighting, understand this.
They are not fighting because they want to.
They are fighting because they have to.
And if you are one of those parents holding a red pen while everyone insists it is blue, I see you.
