Counselling and Psychotherapy with Me

31/07/2025

Part of workshop on mental health awareness and ways to cope with stress and worries. Come join me on 7th August 25 welcome centre

19/02/2025

Anger isn’t the problem—it’s the disguise.”

We often think of anger as a primary emotion.

But in reality, it’s a mask.

A cover-up.

A shield protecting something much deeper.

When anger shows up, it’s usually hiding something beneath the surface.

So, what’s really behind your anger?

20/03/2024

https://counsellingwithme.com/2021/04/29/boundaries-dont-cross-the-line/

What is your understanding of healthy and unhealthy boundaries?

blog.ninapaley.com There are many reasons why people are unable to set clear boundaries with others, whether its family, friends or work colleagues we can all struggle from time to time regarding w…

12/03/2024

Many of us walk around with wounds from our earlier years, influencing how we react as adults. Have you ever come across as the term inner child? What way do you react or does your inner child react in situations that you might think is unreasonable but in fact is a wound or trauma that you unknowingly carry into your adult life.

30/11/2023

The anxiety gremlins job is to make you feel out of control but gaining perspective what you can influence, change or do can make the world of difference. Graphics by mindful-enough_

10/12/2022

SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that uses manipulation, minimisation, and lying to make someone question or doubt their:

- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Memories
- Experiences
- Perceptions
- Reality
- Sanity

The term comes from a play, later a movie, called Gaslight.

In the movie, the husband uses various tactics to convince the wife she’s going crazy.

He turned the gaslights lower each night and hid things claiming she lost them.

When she noticed, he’d find a way to negate it or claim it’s all in her head.

Gaslighting can happen in any type of relationship and could be intentional or not. Nonetheless, it is still a form of manipulation.

Oftentimes, the purpose of gaslighting is to achieve power and control over someone by distorting and eroding their reality and sense of self.

Over time, gaslighting can damage the victim’s confidence to the point they no longer trust themselves.

And when they’re constantly doubting themselves, they become more vulnerable. As a result, they’re easier to manipulate, control, and abuse.

When it comes to the parent-child relationship, abusive or toxic parents often resort to gaslighting as a way to control and maintain power over their children.

Children are also often the easier target for abuse due to the authority and superiority the parent automatically has over the child.

Useful resource - TED Talks video: Gaslighting & The Invisible Abuse We Don't Talk About
https://lnkd.in/dfYQcHrg taken from

31/07/2022

HOW TO GET YOUR DAILY DOSE OF HAPPINESS CHEMICALS
 
When you feel good, your brain is releasing one of the happiness chemicals. There are four happiness chemicals, which are known as dose:
 
- Dopamine
- Oxytocin
- Serotonin
- Endorphin
 
Each chemical has a job to do and when your brain releases one of these chemicals, you feel good.
 
It would be great if they all surged all the time. However, it does not work this way.
 
Once the chemical has done its job, it will turn off, leaving you with a desire for more.
 
By understanding how these chemicals work, we can better improve our overall happiness by tapping into each of the four happiness chemicals.
 
Not everyone gets enough of each of the happiness chemicals. This deficiency can leave you feeling sad, depressed, hopeless and anxious.
 
Getting your daily dose of happiness chemicals may seem simple, but if you struggle with negative thinking patterns then it's recommend to learn how to challenge automatic negative thoughts first.
 
Useful resource - TED Talks video: Getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck)
https://lnkd.in/d6DKrkM

25/07/2022

IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS: WHAT TRIGGERED ME?

A trigger is something that sets off an emotional reaction in the form of a memory or flashback related to trauma.

Raised voices might trigger a memory of childhood abuse for example.

Some of the triggers may not even make sense to anyone but you. Everyone is different.

Often when we are triggered it’s easy to identify those base emotions - fear, anger, anxiety depression etc.

The real work begins when we are able to specifically identify those emotions behind being upset, annoyed, scared etc.

When we do that we can face those fears and reassure ourselves that are past trauma is not in the present.

You can use this tool to understand why you feel things in your relationships with other people.

If a friend does something that hurts your feelings instead of understanding the base feeling of hurt, you can also use this to understand what’s behind that feeling and why you feel hurt.

Useful resource - TED Talks video: How do triggers influence our evolution
https://lnkd.in/dVDXuGZ

10/07/2022

7 NEGATIVE TRAITS TO CUT OUT AT THE START OF THE WEEK

Negative emotions can be described as any feeling which causes you to be miserable and sad. Negativity affects more than just your physical and mental health.

Studies have found that people with high levels of negativity are more likely to recover from sickness much slower than those with a positive mindset.

In the same way that negative thoughts create neural pathways in the brain, positive self-talk and reinforcement can also become a habit.

Research suggests that happiness and optimism are more of a choice than influenced by circumstance.

Useful resource - TED Talks video: A simple trick to improve positive thinking
https://lnkd.in/dhQKbyJ

According to social psychologist Alison Ledgerwood, our perception of the world tends to lean negative.

Reframing how we communicate could be the key to unlocking a more positive outlook.

In this sharp talk, Ledgerwood shares a simple trick for kicking negative thinking to the curb so we can start focusing on the upside.

12/06/2022

14 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY

Even the hardest days contain lessons that will help you be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, it can feel like things will never get better.

However, the fact is that after something bad happens, you can be the master of your own destiny and create a new opportunity to improve your life.

You might not be able to solve all of those problems straight away or hit the restart button on an "off" day.

But there are some smaller things you can do to interrupt and reroute the cycle.

The key is to try put yourself in a better headspace so you can more easily cope with all of the unlucky things piling up.

Useful resource - 5 Inspirational TED Talks Perfect for Anyone Having a Rough Day

If You’re Feeling Sorry for Yourself: Living Beyond Limits
https://lnkd.in/ekhAbKU

If You’re Feeling Drained: Your Elusive Creative Genius
https://lnkd.in/eUzS_A4

If You’re Feeling Sad: The Three A’s of Awesome
https://lnkd.in/da2Tbi2

If You’re Feeling Negative: The Surprising Science of Happiness
https://lnkd.in/e9Z3RqPE

If You’re Feeling Down: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude
https://lnkd.in/eHQTGzG

27/05/2022

MENTAL HEALTH

People with mental health problems say that the social stigma attached to mental ill health and the discrimination they experience can make their difficulties worse and make it harder to recover.

1 in 4 of us are likely to experience mental health problems each year.

This means that even more of us are likely to know and care about someone currently experiencing mental health problems.

The most common mental health problems are depression, anxiety, and stress. Depression affects around 1 in 5 people and anxiety around 1 in 10.

Most people who experience mental health problems recover fully, or are able to live with and manage them, especially if they get help early on.

But even though so many people are affected, there is a strong social stigma attached to mental ill health, and people with mental health problems can experience discrimination in all aspects of their lives.

If you know someone who has trouble with their mental health, assure them that they are not alone.

Make sure to educate others who may be ignorant or make comments in passing.

Useful resource - TED Talks video: Breaking the Stigma and Shame of Mental Illness
https://lnkd.in/dyWRMYv

26/05/2022

6 STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR STUDENTS
 
It is normal to feel a bit worried about exams, especially if you're under pressure from school or family.
 
Exam stress can cause you to feel anxious or depressed, and this might affect your sleeping or eating habits
 
For example, a study by Ofsted before the Coronavirus pandemic found that teens report stress levels similar to that of adults.
 
That means teens are experiencing significant levels of chronic stress, and that they feel their levels of stress generally exceed their ability to cope effectively.
 
Roughly 30% report feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or sad because of it.
 
Stress can affect health-related behaviours like sleep patterns, diet, and exercise as well, taking a larger toll.
 
NHS advice and support for students and young people with mental health problems.
https://lnkd.in/dcqhkET
 
Useful resource - TED Talks video: How to make stress your friend
https://lnkd.in/gyVp8fm

Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.