Sunshine and rainbow's mental health recovery

21/03/2025

A sad tree,
Just like me,
A bare tree,
For all to see,
Its leaves will soon grow,
Just to surly show,
Everything will be okay as I stand so tall,
My tree may fall,
But my tree will always get back up,
While i drink my tea from a small cup,
Sitting in the garden I watch my tree,
As I open my mind and I find the key
To happiness my tree will surly show,
That I won't always feel so low,
As spring will soon turn to summer,
My tree will surly be a stunner,
Im a talking about the tree,
Or am I talking about me
Just by watching my tree,
How inspiring could it be......

13/01/2025

Im sorry i hurt you,
I know my apology will not make do,
As i scream f**k you with the deepest of pains in my heart,
As i leave my final part,
When all i want is to be held and told my broken peices will heal,
I push you away yet again eat u up like your my last meal,
My mouth running before my brain thinks,
Rage consumes me finding the missing link,
Bruises upon you and your heart is broken,
So il leave and accept my token,
Fighting and screaming till we turn blue,
Then comes the awkward silence too,
Were both locked in cage one in the present and the other in the past,
They say things wont last,
Question is will again snap,
Or do i just go on and out i tap,
No apology i give you shall have the right not to forgive i dont blame you,
The narcasist the agressive dog in the corner,
No one wants to touch,
But man how i love you so much,
So why do i hurt u am i screwed up backwards or just not wired up right,
Why is everything so messed up and not so clear,
I shouldnt be the one crying as im the one whos egotistical and i leave you in tears,
Why cant i change im the same old bitch who doesnt give a s**t,
As o throw all ive got and take the rage hit,
I never meant to do what i did but i did so now im the one to live with that,
So il take my baseball bat,
Trash the world and my mind,
Im trying to be kind,
But its so hard to self regulate when emotions are high,
I cant just calm down i have eupd and autism i suffer from server emotional regulation issues its hard,
Imagine only seeing black and white, like your exterior is strong and doesnt take s**t highted emotions from your trauma responces like swiming in lard,
I made a vow a promise that id never act upon my thoughts again its hard for you to believe me right now i get that,
Imagine battling with your mind everyday to survive in a world that doesnt work for you so il take my seat and stay where im sat,
Fight or flight mode everyday feeling on edge just to live,
Ive still got so much to give,
In world that cant understand me to be honest i dont even understand myself now that deep,
So im gunna keep up from the heap,
Prove i can be a decent human i love you,
So im sorry.....

10/04/2023

Recovery

Im on this ride called recovery,
Setting myself up to see lifes new discovery,
Less angry more positive feeling happy,
No longer the old becky who was so snappy,
Feeling funky fresh with this mew life,
Putting an end to my mental health and putting down the knife,
Swapping my frown for a smile,
No longer letting my thoughts sit a while,
Released my nagative feelings,
Now i have new meanings,
Im glad ive found a new me,
A good thing for all to see,
Ive worked hard for them all to say im proud,
And if they dont chuck them to the big wide world crowd,
Saying bye to everything that once was amd what is,
Im the women who once a miss,
Now im the one whos got of the ground and survived,
Ive allowed myself to be the one who gets revived.....

10/04/2023

Not posted in a while been working on me and smashing recovery......

24/09/2022

☠️purgefam😈 😈 #😈🐺purge_wolf_army🐺😈 #🐉dark_anarchic_drag0ns🐉 #🎪darkvale🎪 #🛡bulletproof🎯queens👑kings🤴 ☯️Crew 😈☠️ ♦️ #🎪darkvale🎪 #😈thedemonicfamil...

23/06/2022

So part of my story....

6 months ago I was adement I was going to fall to the trap of su***de in the 6 months and I went into a psychiatric hospital after several attempts under a section 3 of the mental health act several 136s and several section 2s I was in hospital a whole of 5 months.
im doing so much better 25% help from staff 0% help from freinds 5% help from psychiatrist 20% family and lastly 50% me.
Let me tell you one thing it takes u to change your outlook.
It takes you to make that difference.
It take for you to want to live.
Lastly let me let you.. know you have all the time to die but you only get one life and that life lasts approximately 80 to 100 years its actually not that long really so why not just live it your best way, do things that make you happy, go on adventures, do things you wouldn't do guess what go live your life

15/06/2022

A poem

Half bated smile....

Here's my half bated smile,
Just let your thoughts sit there a while,
Even when your going through a dark time,
Just read and listen to my lyrics wait what they rhyme,
Hiding behind the mask,
Pushing through pretending to be okay so it doesn't show you know what that's it that's the task,
Show you don't care,
Be naked be bare,
Got so many questions its been along time since I've felt like me,
I dont even know who I can turn to,
Come on then go get your crew,
Oh no I don't know if I should be here,
Or just drown myself with another beer,
Forget the problems they don't matter,
Life just makes your heart shatter,
Do I move on when I'm hurting inside dam its a pain I hold dear,
Just drop it you know that black hole jump with no regrets into the fear,
Smoke the w**d getting high,
While everyone around just sits and watches ha well they do sigh,
Do what you want anyway when your brains completely lost it,
What's the point of lighting the light that was once lit,
It's gone now and I can't find the matches so I just in the dark,
Let it succumb me not because I have given up but because everytime I light up someone blows me out then I lose my spark,
So I just continue to live when I want to die,
Put me in the ground swollow me up spit me out I know you all think holy s**t dam why,
It's been a long path,
It wasn't easy Ive been thrown some traumatic s**t and you all just asking me to live through it its not funny you know it ain't no laugh,
I fight daily the struggles I go through what I see around me the worlds falling apart dam its hate,
Like shooting from a range letting lose of the bullet being in this constant shocked state,
But I get up everyday and continue I don't feel love anymore I miss my smile my happiness and the hope,
But I guess il just cope,
The sun rises and falls,
If this is so than I shall I grow my balls,
Suck it up buttercup and carry on and put on my fake smile and glow,
Instead of feeling the full blow,
I cant help that I feel so dead Inside like the flowers that don't bloom,
Just put me in my god dam tomb,
I know that I'm damaged,
My names tarnished,
So I sit here right now and show you my half bated smile......

27/05/2022

Not posted for a very long while but here's a new poem....

A poem

Unknown title

Ever lived with a body that wants to live and thrive,
and a mind that wants to die no longer knows how to be alive,
Branded criminality, dangerous and a no hope,
It's the pain that truly does show,
Going all out to cause yourself so much harm,
Showing the world how you've lost your charm,
Spiralling so much you've lost it,
Your light that was once lit,
Windows smashing the anger filled my veins like a shot of adrenaline after wanting to be an angle,
Hit me like a shot like electricity or the sting after a taser,
A prisoner of your own mind the poor jailer,
Il get you before you get me,
A destruction left behind look I've let you see,
What's truly happening in my dark mind its a story,
The scars left behind show you every bit of pain and glory,
The deeper I go shows the more I've let go of me,
A peice of me left behind for you to truly see,
The fire that burns around me in the middle circled by flames,
It's truly beautiful and sometimes can't be tamed,
It's a way to release the demons this crazy burning in my soul,
It's part of my story my deep hole,
A story that should be told,
All in capitals and lit up bright and bold.......

By Rebecca ellison no copyright this is my original

R.Ellison

30/10/2021

A motivational speech

Eveytime you break there's opertunity to get stronger faster and tougher we all go through tragedy but the strongest survive the fights just begun its time to show the world what im made it I xan beat it I must my lifes not over, im going to get through this nothing can stop me only me im not retreating im not running we live by this and we die by this w edge by wjat we stand but nobody knows what we represent be courage today no matter how many times u fall there is a spirit in you who believes fight your way through it, You know sometimes u get the feeling things ain't going my way things don't just go your way you got to make then go your way what u did yesterday relays on what u do today you may deal with a great deal of failure but be relentless go make things happen your the one holding u up, look in the mirror and see a warrior don't hold any human accountable other than your self most people will give up but you have to decide to be fearless be relentless but don't not fo anything I woke up one day and realised my lifes not over your lifes never over there's still time to shine rise up move forward down the path shut down the perfetic excuses there is time to let your mind wonder go do what your heart tells you be the best you, when you feel like giving don't when yiur thinking about giving up don't when it looks liek your not going to make it keep going if they say ur not going to make it don't belive them don't give up stay in it stay focused quiting guarantees the failure put one foot in front of the other be happy I spite of lifes challenges we end feeling like there's no way out wheres there's a will there's a way we can take the responsibility to change keep telling your story over and over again remind yourself u git yourself here you can take yourself further than you think u can go keep your focus if u have a dream and commit to it it will come to you make no mistake it will be hard but your the determined factor easy is not an option but you'll discover its worth it and find reasons why it's worth it for yiu what gives u the drive tap I to yiur feeling g no matter how many times u get knocked down make your come back we all have the right to be here on this planet and your lifes worthy to be here so I bed you please keep on holding on use your imagination I dare you keep dreaming keep focusing on your dream keep going at it till u succeed don't allow Amy to tell you your not good enough it hurts to be in the dark place but I need u to hold on strong don't give up make an impact in this world lifes short many people didn't realise the next day they wouldn't wake up but ur still living what do u have to do to move forward how u going to perceive yiur life u must make it there will be fear and doubt but that has no place I yourjourney dint let anyone take away who you are I need u to belive in every possibility u have of u feel broken im here to let u know ur built to last in here to let u know u got to keep on living but you are the one who has to be responsible to go through it the sun always roses and u will see the light within you wants ur lights over u xant cone back leave u mark help someone be there when there down when ur weakest point In ur life someone will lift u up you will be repayed for your kindness that lights always been there within you it exists within u, what are u going to do about the life u have how you going to live run with greatness and a full heart keep pushing forward live please please hold on if your reading this at your darkest moment and I've managed to reach u, u feel no one cares but its about self love understand urslef u have to fall in love with yourself stop self Hating yourself do something that will make u a better person make an impact In this world ur still living ur still here reading this hang on it there's lifes not a game lifes for living there will be good and bad but don't wait for someone to make your life better u have to make ur life better get rid of things that are not making you strong rid of negativity once ur lifes over there's no going back be the strength for others when there weak we all struggle no one is immune to it don't give up live breath life you that's what it's about its gunna hurt sometime it will be tough but ull get tough make sure u make ur mark in this world as someone didn't make it today but u did keep living living strong don't give up............ its not about worrying about what happend tomorrow as tomorrow is not promised and yesterday can't be changed live I the day today tge one your standing in u have problem been through hell but hell doesn't own you or created u something u need to understand that no matter who u are everyone struggles everyone suffers but everybody that's going through something has a sorry to tell,...... let's go beyond that what about people who can't be cured don't take your life as someone right now is praying to live, holding on to hope please don't feel sorry for yourself find your light and let it shine you deserve a pat on the back for fighting and staying staying alive, life is not easy at all, there's going to be challenges your going to get neat down that's how life is don't wear ur mask show who you really can be don't let fear paralyse u have hope don't say this is it this is how I end please just begin do the math solve one problem then next keep getting up the experience ur having right now hasn't come to stay it will pass we have good and bad days don't operate under the spell decapline your emotions don't beat your self up your kinds automatic u jave to be willing to harness your will make your come back if you wnat it you can get its a matter of decapline and determination have the never die attitude you may get people try to break you down cry to keep going not to quit tell your self I won't give up when that depression hits you xan have your dream u don't know what the possibility are for your life you don't no what will happen in your future if God hasn't took you yet then your not ready to go so hang on in there....

29/09/2021

28/09/2021