http://www.jamiemoffatcounselling.com/

Jamie Moffat Counselling, St Ann’s Square, Manchester (2026)

04/01/2026

January can feel heavy for a lot of people. The pace slows, the days are dark, the excitement of Christmas has passed, and suddenly there’s pressure to get back on track or make big changes, just like everyone around you.

It can look like lower energy or motivation, feeling flat, tearful, or irritable, struggling to focus, comparing yourself to others, and feeling behind, stuck, or disconnected.

For many people, these experiences are linked to less daylight, colder weather, financial stress, the emotional drop that often follows the holidays, as well as social media and the urgency to make New Year’s resolutions.

If January is a struggle for you too, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means you’re human, responding to a tough point in the year. You’re not alone, it’s a month I can struggle with as well. You don’t have to rush yourself out of it. Be kind to yourself, one day at a time.

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11/12/2025

What are the Christmas Blues?

Not everyone feels festive when December arrives. The Christmas Blues is a term used to describe the dip in mood some people experience around the holidays. While this season is often shown as joyful and full of celebration, it can stir up difficult feelings too.

People might feel low for many different reasons. They may feel lonely or disconnected from others, or they might be grieving someone who isn’t here this year. Some people experience strain within their families, while others worry about money or feel pressure to make Christmas “perfect.” The shorter days and reduced sunlight can also affect mood, and many people feel overwhelmed by the number of social plans during this time.

For some, the Christmas Blues can show up as sadness, irritability, anxiety, or a sense of emptiness, especially when it looks like everyone else is enjoying themselves.

However your Christmas looks this year, your feelings are valid. You don’t have to match the mood around you, and feeling low during the holidays doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It often reflects your experiences, your history, and everything you’ve been holding.

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12/11/2025

In Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), our emotions are guided by three key systems that shape how we feel and act:

🔴 1. Threat System
“Am I safe?”
This system protects us from danger — physical or emotional.
Triggers: criticism, rejection, failure.
Feelings: anxiety, anger, shame.
Goal: Survival and protection.

🔵 2. Drive System
“I want to achieve or get something.”
This system pushes us to seek rewards, success, or pleasure.
Triggers: goals, excitement, ambition.
Feelings: motivation, pride, pleasure.
Goal: Achievement and progress.

🟢 3. Soothe System
“I’m safe and content.”
This is our calm, caring, connection system — it helps us rest and feel secure.
Triggers: kindness, connection, self-compassion.
Feelings: peace, warmth, belonging.
Goal: Balance and wellbeing.

CFT helps you activate your Soothe System by balancing the Threat and Drive systems so you can respond to life with more compassion, not just survival or striving.

For example, I know I’m in my Threat System when I feel anxious or fearful about things I can’t control, like the past or the future. Being aware of my Soothe System helps me stay grounded and return to safety in those moments of heightened emotion.

Remember: You need all three systems, but compassion helps them work together, not against each other.

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09/10/2025

Self-abandonment often starts as a survival strategy. We learn to silence our needs, dim our light, or put others first to keep the peace, feel loved, or stay safe. Over time, this becomes a pattern — one that can leave us feeling disconnected, resentful, or lost.

Here are a few common signs of self-abandonment:

• Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”
• Ignoring your emotions to avoid conflict
• Seeking external validation over your own truth
• Shrinking yourself to make others comfortable

How to begin reclaiming yourself:

• Start noticing where you override your needs
• Practice saying no with compassion
• Reconnect with what you truly want and feel
• Offer yourself love, protection, and care

Healing self-abandonment isn’t about blame — it’s about coming home to yourself.

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22/09/2025

Assertive rights are the basic rights we all hold in our relationships and in the way we communicate with others. They’re gentle reminders that it’s okay to have needs, feelings, and boundaries — and that we don’t need to carry guilt for honouring them.

So often we’re taught to prioritise other people’s comfort over our own. That can lead to people-pleasing, resentment, or staying quiet when something matters to us. Remembering our assertive rights helps us step back into balance — respecting ourselves and others at the same time.

Some of these rights include:

❤️ The right to say no without explanation
🧡 The right to express your thoughts and feelings
💛 The right to change your mind
💚 The right to make mistakes and learn from them
💙 The right to be treated with respect
💜 The right to ask for what you need

Being assertive isn’t about being selfish or aggressive. It’s about recognising your worth, honouring your boundaries, and allowing space for authentic connection.

As a people-pleaser in recovery, I know I sometimes forget that I have these rights too — that I can stand up for myself and speak my truth.

Which of these rights do you find the hardest to believe in or practice?

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11/09/2025

A feelings wheel is a simple tool that helps you identify your emotions — starting with core feelings like sad, angry, or happy, and expanding into more specific words so you can better understand and express what you feel.

Features of a Feelings Wheel:

• Shows core emotions at the centre
• Expands outward into more specific feelings
• Visual, colourful, and easy to use at a glance
• Can be used alone, in journaling, or in therapy sessions

Benefits of a Feelings Wheel:

• Helps you name what you’re really feeling instead of just “good” or “bad”
• Builds emotional awareness and self-understanding
• Makes it easier to communicate your needs to others
• Supports mental health, recovery, and personal growth
• Creates space for compassion and choice, rather than being stuck in vague feelings

Today I feel sleepy, powerless, and hopeful. How do you feel?

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04/09/2025

I am pleased to share that I accept private health insurance with Bupa.

Bupa is the UK’s largest provider and a leading name in the private health insurance and healthcare market. This means that clients with Bupa cover can now access my services directly through their insurance plan.

If you are a Bupa member and would like to arrange sessions, please contact me for further details on how to get started. ✔️

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19/08/2025

What is Rejection Sensitivity? 🥺

• Heightened Emotional Reactions: Rejection sensitivity means feeling rejection more intensely than most. Even small slights—like a brief pause in conversation, a delayed reply, or neutral body language—can trigger strong emotions.

• ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity: People with ADHD are particularly prone to it. Emotional regulation challenges and heightened sensitivity to social feedback can make interactions feel overwhelming or threatening.

• Overthinking & Rumination: You might replay events in your mind, imagining the worst, second-guessing yourself, or worrying that people dislike you—even when evidence says otherwise.

• Impact on Relationships: It can affect friendships, romantic relationships, and work life. Fear of rejection may lead to avoidance, withdrawal, or conflict.

• Emotional Consequences: Can lead to anxiety, sadness, irritability, or even feelings of shame. Your mind is simply alert to social cues, sometimes too much.

• Not a Flaw: Feeling this way isn’t wrong—it reflects your brain’s sensitivity to connection and belonging.

• Support: Therapy can help you recognise triggers, manage strong emotional responses, set healthy boundaries, and develop self-compassion. With support, relationships and daily life can feel safer and less stressful.

As an LGBTQIA+ person, I’m sensitive to rejection. I’m learning to respond with self-compassion, so I can live a healthier, more fulfilling life and be less impacted by it.

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15/07/2025

The anxious-avoidant trap is a painful but common dynamic where two people unintentionally trigger each other’s deepest attachment wounds.

😬The Anxious Partner:

• Craves closeness and connection
• Feels insecure or abandoned when a partner becomes distant
• Seeks reassurance, communication, and emotional intensity to feel safe

💀 The Avoidant Partner:
• Fears being overwhelmed, controlled, or losing independence
• Pulls away when things feel too emotionally intense
• Shuts down or distances themselves to self-regulate

🔁 The Trap Begins:
• The more the anxious partner reaches out for connection, the more the avoidant pulls away.
• The more the avoidant withdraws, the more anxious and activated the other becomes.
• Both partners end up feeling unmet, misunderstood, and emotionally unsafe.

🦋 Breaking the Trap:
• Understand your attachment style
• Learn to self-soothe and set boundaries
• Choose partners who can meet you emotionally (Secure Attachment)
• Heal the belief that love has to feel like anxiety or uncertainty to be real.

⚠️ If you’re constantly chasing or withdrawing, you might not be with the wrong person — you might be stuck in the wrong pattern. You deserve connection that feels safe, mutual, and emotionally regulated.

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03/07/2025

Understanding Attachment Anxiety 💔

Attachment anxiety often begins in childhood, especially when love felt inconsistent or uncertain. If your emotional needs weren’t fully met growing up, you may have learned to feel unsafe in close relationships—always fearing disconnection or rejection.

In adult relationships, this might look like:
🔸 Feeling anxious when your partner is quiet or distant
🔸 Overthinking messages or changes in tone
🔸 Needing constant reassurance
🔸 Fearing you’re “too much” or “not enough”

But healing is possible—and it starts within. 💛

⸻

How to Build Inner Security:

✨ Shift Your Self-Talk
Notice the voice that says, “They’ll leave me” or “I’m not enough.” Pause and ask: Is this fear, or fact? Try replacing it with: I am safe. I am worthy of love.

✨ Strengthen Emotional Independence
Self-soothing tools like breathwork, journaling, or mindful grounding help you feel safe in your own body, without needing someone else to “fix” your feelings.

✨ Practice Secure Attachment Habits
Speak gently. Ask instead of assuming. Trust that space doesn’t mean rejection. Love doesn’t disappear just because things feel quiet.

✨ Broaden Your Support Circle
Your romantic relationship doesn’t have to carry the full weight of your emotional world. Community, hobbies, and self-connection are part of your emotional safety net too.

✨ Consider Therapy
If these patterns feel deep-rooted, working with a therapist can help you untangle and rebuild your attachment style with compassion and clarity.

⸻

Final Thought 💬
You don’t have to keep chasing reassurance to feel loved.
Real security starts within—and you are already enough.😍

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17/06/2025

June is Pride Month, a time to honour and celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community, our history, and our continuous struggle for inclusion and equality. It’s a time to celebrate the victories, consider the difficulties encountered, and keep pushing for a more tolerant and accepting society.  
Regardless of your identity, location, or the significance of this month for you, I hope you understand that you will always be welcome here, that your existence is not up for discussion, and that you deserve to be fully known, loved, and celebrated. Pride is still an essential act of love, resistance, joy, and survival today and every day.

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11/05/2025

Box breathing 😮‍💨 sometimes referred to as square breathing, is a breathwork technique in which you form a box shape by inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding for four seconds.

By encouraging relaxation and stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system, this technique can aid in stress reduction, anxiety control, and concentration.

The benefits of box breathing...

Stress and anxiety reduction: The rhythmic breathing helps soothe the nervous system and lessen tension and anxiety.

Increased clarity and focus: Concentrating on breathing can help focus attention and increase concentration.

Enhanced mental and physical resilience: Your capacity to manage stress and anxiety can be improved with consistent practice.Sleep quality may be enhanced by box breathing, which encourages relaxation.

This is a very helpful tool for me when I am having anxious thoughts and for when I am overthinking. I also use this tool for when I am struggling to sleep.

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Jamie Moffat Counselling

04/01/2026

11/12/2025

12/11/2025

09/10/2025

22/09/2025

11/09/2025

04/09/2025

19/08/2025

15/07/2025

03/07/2025

17/06/2025

11/05/2025

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