Evolve Online Counselling & Hypnotherapy

14/01/2026

Talking ‘Our’ Talk: Where the Trans Conversation Needs to Go

By Marianne Oakes

05/01/2026

If there were ever an area of healthcare in which negative responses to treatment were so rare that they barely registered in research, would that suggest flawed studies—or would it reflect the overwhelming weight of positive outcomes?

I genuinely believe that trans children are suffering today not because the evidence for puberty blockers is weak, but because it is, in reality, overwhelmingly positive—arguably more so than in many other areas of medical care. That evidence has been so consistently affirming that some cisgender people refuse to believe it, and as a result, we now see bans on puberty blockers driven by disbelief rather than data.

My lived reality working in this field is that this care is not complex. Trans children, like trans adults, know who they are. I cannot imagine a cis person sincerely believing they are trans when they are not. This may sound simplistic, but it comes from experience. Over the past ten years, I have worked with thousands of young people. I have led teams of therapists who followed up with those accessing gender-affirming care, and not once have I seen an outcome that was anything other than positive.

What I *have* seen is a small number of young people deeply harmed by social stigma and shame—damage no medical intervention alone can fully repair. Even so, their lives were made more bearable through the care they received. The harm did not come from treatment; it came from prejudice.

The only real complexity lies in cis people refusing to accept that being trans is simply who some people are. Regardless of personal beliefs, transness is a natural part of human existence.

Of course, I have worked with individuals who stopped accessing care—but not because it was a mistake, and not because they were never trans. They stepped away due to overwhelming social pressure, prejudice, and the emotional compromises required to survive. They still own their trans identity, and the physical and emotional changes they experienced helped strengthen their resilience, even when living as their assigned gender at birth.

I know my experience is not a controlled research study, but it is still valid and true. Part of my role is to ensure that cis people of all ages do not make mistakes. When there are genuine questions around gender identity, I support people to explore them thoughtfully and make informed decisions. This work is far bigger than a social media post, and the nuances are too great to fully capture here. Like all humans, every trans person’s situation is unique.

But with the right care, at the right time, people can flourish and thrive.

Take care—and remember, no matter what, care is out there.

29/12/2025

Hair — before & after ✨
One of my favourite joys is getting my hair coloured and styled. It’s more than a look — it’s self-expression, confidence, and feeling like ‘me’ 💜!!

28/12/2025

Despite how often I reflect publicly on trans rights and the state of UK and US politics, it can sometimes get lost that I am genuinely happy living my life as a proud trans woman.

I’m deeply grateful for the life I have. I remain close to my family, I have work that I find meaningful, and I live in a place that feels right for me. These were all things I once feared I might never have if I dared to transition. Perhaps before 2010 life would have looked very different — who knows.

Yet here I am, thriving in a world that often tells trans people they should be miserable, and where attempts to humiliate or intimidate us still occur.

In November, a post of mine on X unexpectedly reached millions of people. What stayed with me wasn’t the numbers, but the reminder that support for trans people is far more widespread than hate, even if anger and division are what algorithms tend to amplify. I turned the comments off fairly early on, but the show of solidarity was unmistakable.

As someone who didn’t grow up with social media, I found that moment genuinely encouraging. Coming just before Christmas, it felt like a timely reminder that kindness and compassion still matter.

There is, however, a sobering reality beneath all of this. It can feel as though trans people are engaged in an ongoing struggle against the rich and powerful — something that would seem implausible if it weren’t real. Rather than discouraging me, it has strengthened my resolve.

I recognise the privilege I’ve had in being able to transition and live my life on my own terms. Through **Evolve Online Counselling**, and the wider healthcare work I’m part of, I’m committed to supporting trans and non-binary people to live authentically and without compromise. Not everyone has access to the support they deserve — but I won’t stop working to help tip the odds in their favour.

If you’d like to learn more about my work or access support, please visit:
**[https://www.evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk](https://www.evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk)**

As Zack Polanski says, let’s make 2026 the year of hope — for everyone.

Trans & non-binary wellbeing services By your side on the journey towards your new life

22/12/2025

How would it look if I refused to acknowledge the Pope’s title and declined to address him as *Your Holiness* simply because I don’t believe in God? Any reasonable person would see that as plain rudeness. You are entitled to your beliefs, whatever they may be, but using someone’s pronouns is a basic matter of courtesy.

Sadly, Nurse Peggie does not appear to understand this distinction. The issue was never that she held beliefs different from a colleague’s; it was her conduct toward someone she felt strongly about. Her behaviour crossed into being deliberately rude and offensive. This was not an accidental encounter or a momentary lapse. She actively sought out Dr Upton and seemed to believe that holding a protected belief placed her actions beyond consequence.

J.K. Rowling and the far right religious Right can spend as much time and money as she likes portraying Nurse Peggie as a victim, but that does not change my view that their behaviour amounts to bullying. I am confident that most decent people around the world would agree. I don’t need to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds defending my views. This alone is very telling, it’s a manipulation of the law and not in the spirit of the law that is there to defend the vulnerable from the bullies!!

10/12/2025

Please check out our latest blog.

I watched an interview yesterday with a trans woman who underwent electroconvulsive therapy when she was still a teenager. Sadly, it’s a story I’ve heard many times over the years from my trans sisters who were brave eno...

09/12/2025

The recent conclusion of the Sandie Peggie tribunal has stirred a lot of emotion for many people following issues around trans inclusion. Although the tribunal dismissed all claims against Dr Beth Upton, cases like this can still contribute to a climate that feels uncertain or distressing for trans people, allies, and anyone affected by ongoing public debate.

If this story has brought up difficult feelings, it may help to reach out to supportive spaces. Charities such as **Switchboard LGBT+**, **Mind**, and **Stonewall** offer free, confidential listening services and information for anyone who needs emotional support.

Evolve Online Counselling also provides a safe, private space for those who feel longer-term or more in-depth support would be helpful. You can find out more at: **[www.evolveonlinecounselling.com](http://www.evolveonlinecounselling.com)**

Wherever you choose to turn, you deserve understanding, compassion, and a place to talk things through.

07/12/2025

I watched an interview yesterday with a trans woman who underwent electroconvulsive therapy when she was still a teenager. Sadly, it’s a story I’ve heard many times over the years from my trans sisters who were brave enough to come out as children. I think all trans people of my generation have heard these stories. When I first began interacting with what was then called the “Trans Scene,” rather than a “community,” we all spoke about our journeys to womanhood.

For those who don’t know—though I admit I’m not completely certain of the full medical process—electroconvulsive shocks were administered to the brain. It was painful and deeply distressing, especially for individuals who had no mental health issues. The intention was to change a person’s brain activity and “stop” them from being transgender. It was used against gay men as well. This form of conversion therapy was used predominantly from the 1950s through to the 1970s and, in some cases, into the 1980s.

The reason I mention this now is that throughout much of the 20th century, the belief that you could “cure” gay and trans people was widespread. Being transgender was classified as a mental health disorder internationally until 2019, when the World Health Organization formally removed “gender identity disorder” from the ICD. In the UK, trans healthcare has long been a lucrative field for some NHS clinicians who also run private practices. In 2020, a conference was organised by several of these same clinicians to lobby the government to reclassify being trans as a mental health condition.

The premise from the ignorant has always been: make life unbearably difficult for gay and trans people and they will “grow out of it.” There has never been any evidence that conversion therapy of any kind works. Based on the number of damaged souls I’ve met over the last 30 years, I can say that even when people told doctors they were “cured,” trust me—they weren’t. They simply wanted the torture to stop.

I bring all of this up because we are now a quarter of the way through the 21st century, and politicians in both the UK and the US have learned nothing. There is a reason that J.K. Rowling, Graham Linehan, Sharron Davies and others campaign with such confidence in their ignorance: this is what many people of the Boomer generation were raised to believe. We rarely questioned authority, and if a doctor said someone was mentally ill, it was taken as gospel. The issue now is that we know better. Searching for a “cure” for being gay, trans, non-binary, or any other facet of human identity is a folly. You cannot “fix” something that was never broken.

In the UK, the ban on puberty blockers is state-organised conversion therapy. In my ten years working with trans people of all ages, I have yet to see a negative impact when gender-affirming care is properly administered. I’m not claiming that the damage caused by stigma is always reversed, but I have seen comfort and relief in every patient I’ve worked with. Fewer than 0.5%—so few I can barely quantify it—have stopped treatment, usually because of the hostile environment, family concerns, or financial issues. I have never seen someone who felt their transition was a mistake. Either I’m incredibly lucky, or gender-affirming care, when provided with appropriate support, genuinely works.

When society stigmatises you, it creates long-lasting and deeply rooted harm. The cure for that harm is not more punishment, more restriction, or more stigma. For many, gender-affirming care is a turning point; for others, it marks the completion of a lifelong journey, as it has been for me. And for many, it is everything in between.

If you are a parent of a trans child, or if you have a trans family member, please know this: their gender does not need fixing. They need support that builds resilience in a world telling them they are wrong. They need acceptance, not endless interrogation. They need you to seek help, to understand your own biases, and to avoid projecting your fears onto your loved ones.

As many of you know, I am a counsellor with Evolve Online Counselling and the Lead Counsellor at Anne Health. Links to both websites are below. I also have my own podcast where you can hear trans people, parents, and clinicians speak about their experiences—and about trans joy. The link is below as well.

Please share if you’ve made it this far, and thank you for taking the time. xx

[https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/](https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/)

[https://anne.health/?srsltid=AfmBOopPa58lFOmAp6T2aN0HdpH5Hxl2vLEh_ZeCnqaZ2tB1PfQgS637](https://anne.health/?srsltid=AfmBOopPa58lFOmAp6T2aN0HdpH5Hxl2vLEh_ZeCnqaZ2tB1PfQgS637)

Podcast: [https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/podcast](https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/podcast)

Trans & non-binary wellbeing services By your side on the journey towards your new life

20/11/2025

I’m a bit late to the party—I missed Transparent Day (as I usually do, sorry!)—but I still wanted to share this with you.

I recently had the privilege of hosting Kellie Maloney on my podcast (link below). Among the many things we discussed—trans life, our journeys, our families—the topic of our children came up. Despite our very different lives, our deep love and concern for our families is something we share.

Both of us spent years agonising over how our transitions might affect our children. That fear is something many trans people carry, and sadly, some never make it through those darkest moments.

Near the end of the episode, Kellie reads a poem written by the daughter of a trans woman who couldn’t find the strength to come out to her family and ultimately took her own life. The poem is stunning—beautifully written, heartbreaking, and powerful. You can hear the emotion in both of us as she reads it. I haven’t transcribed it because it’s hers to share, so you’ll need to listen to the episode to hear it.

I hope some of you will take the time. For those of us who survived coming out, it’s a reminder of what our children might have gone through had we not. And for anyone who loves a trans person—parent, child, friend—it’s a reminder of the pain and love that sit beneath these stories.

This episode isn’t just two trans people talking about trans issues; it’s two trans mums, from very different backgrounds, simply chatting about life. I think for a casual listener it offers a rare, honest window into the lives of older trans women.

It’s episode 4 in the series. I hope you find it interesting and meaningful.

[https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/podcast](https://evolveonlinecounselling.co.uk/podcast)

Trans & non-binary wellbeing services By your side on the journey towards your new life

14/11/2025

11/11/2025

https://www.instagram.com/stories/annehealthcare/3763538517658097569?utm_source=ig_story_item_share&igsh=MXR2NWplZWl5cGMy

3,039 Followers, 1,974 Following, 141 Posts

03/11/2025

Please help in anyway you can, this is such an important cause and could save a Trans persons life this Christmas. Even if you can’t donate, then at least share and spread the word, it all helps, xx

2,416 Followers, 1,964 Following, 133 Posts