Zoe Moss Counselling

24/05/2024

I was looking everywhere for my AirPods today. My heart sank when I remembered the 'clunk' that my cargo pants had made when I dropped them on the floor when I was sorting the clean washing into piles. Yep, I'd put them through the wash..........

My automatic response was 'Zoe, you idiot', but halfway through that last, horrible word I stopped myself.

Why do we expect more from ourselves than others? Why am I an idiot for making a genuine mistake but if anyone else told me they had put their AirPods in the wash I would feel genuinely sorry for them? Why do we think it's normal and ok to call ourselves stupid, idiot, loser?

So what happened? I noticed what was happening and made the choice to change the way I reacted. I changed my annoyance to empathy for myself. I told myself that I am only human and am not perfect and made a mistake. I said 'poor you' to myself.

This is something that is great to learn to do. It can be really difficult to change habits of a lifetime, but it can be done. The first step is to notice the thoughts that you want to change, and there are techniques that can help you do that. The next is to challenge that critical voice, to treat it firmly, but with compassion.

Having self compassion can change the way you react to the world and the challenges that we all face everyday, as human beings.

As for my AirPods, I sadly opened the case, and noticed that it was completely dry. I tried them – they were in perfect working order.

30/04/2024

In our latest blog Zoe Moss Counselling talks about the difference between overthinkng and reflection, and how to manage negative thinking.

https://counsellingrooms.org.uk/overthinking-vs-reflection/

28/04/2024

When you plant the lettuce
If it does not grow well
You don't blame the lettuce
You look for reason's it's not doing well
It may need more fertiliser or more water or less sun
You never blame the lettuce
Thich Nhat Hanh

People are often so annoyed at themselves for not feeling ok.

'I should be able to control my thoughts'
'I should be able to snap myself out of this mood'
'What is wrong with me?'

They are blaming the lettuce.

When you have grown up in an environment that was far from ideal, or when work is really stressful, or when there has been trauma in your life, or for some reason you can't put your finger on, the lettuce may not grow well. It can be really helpful to explore the reasons behind this, so that moving forward, through understanding and positive change, you can help the lettuce recover and start flourishing again.

P.S. Yes I do see those scrappy looking beetroot at the front of that picture. Being a very rookie gardener I had no idea what they needed but I just want to say that at no point did I blame the beetroot (or myself, I was trying my best 🤣)

24/04/2024

Ok, so I know that this is a bad photo of a Cafe Nero coffee and not an artfully taken shot of a cold brew from a cool coffee shop but it makes me really happy.
Why? Because to me having the time to sit in a coffee shop and write this post signifies change, and change that I have chosen. A month ago I was juggling being a therapist with another part time job and now I'm a full time therapist.
Did I hate my old job? No! It had many great points about it. It gave me the opportunity to improve the wellbeing of others, was flexible and my colleagues were amazing.
So why did you leave? I hear you ask...... Well, I was anxious and didn't know why. I was bored (I'd been doing the job for 18 years). I was juggling too much, working more than full time when taking into account both roles. When I explored how I was feeling I realised that something had to change.
Now don't get me wrong, I know change isn't as easy as saying 'I'm going to pack in the job that is making me unhappy'. I appreciate that people have different responsibilities and a lot are not in the position to do that. I was lucky enough that my old job have always been really supportive and that I could build up my clients until it was financially viable to leave.
However, regardless of your position I think that discovering what is making you unhappy or anxious and introducing the concept of change can be the first step towards building the future that you want. One of my favourite sayings is 'knowledge is power, but only if you use it'.
If you feel like something needs to change, whether work, or something in your private life, or even if you don't know what but you want to work it out, please feel free to contact me. As well as being a therapist, I am a qualified coach and I can help you work towards introducing positive change into your life.

www.zoemosscounselling.co.uk

28/04/2023

Not being able to sleep can be brutal. Your anxious mind keeping you awake about things that have happened in the day, but also stressing you out about the fact you are not going to get much sleep. We all know about no caffeine and not looking at screens before bed, but how about cognitive shuffling? Give it a go and let me know how you get on!

No more lying awake at night

24/03/2023

Self soothing touch is a great technique for when you’re feeling anxious. Put one hand on your heart, the other on your stomach and keep them there for as long as it feels good.

17/03/2023

Was chatting to my friend last night about the fact that I hadn't posted on social media for a while, and saying 'I want to work out exactly what I'm trying to say, rather than randomly posting something vaguely related to mental health every now and then'. She replied 'that's a shame, I enjoyed your posts and found them interesting'.

It got me thinking about perfectionism, and how it leads to procrastination. We put things off because we haven't spent enough time planning them, but when we do, they'll be brilliant. Does that day ever come?

Research has linked perfectionism to anxiety and OCD. If you feel like you have perfectionist tendencies there are techniques that you can use to reduce them. The following are from an article from WebMD

- Note down the advantages and disadvantages of being a perfectionist. Whenever you find yourself falling back into perfectionism, take another look at the disadvantages and move on.
-Set achievable goals for yourself. Setting attainable goals will keep you from pursuing unattainable perfection. This way, you can achieve your goals with the resources you have.
-Set time limits for tasks and make sure to follow them. To avoid spending excess time trying to perform a task perfectly, create a realistic time limit and stick to it.
- Avoid procrastination. Concentrate on the task instead of the end product. If you can break down your job into smaller, manageable bits to complete one step at a time, you may avoid overworking.
-Remember that mistakes are not bad. Celebrate them.
-Pursue different things that matter to you and make you happy. Avoid focusing on perfecting only one thing.

05/03/2023

Anxiety in small doses is useful. We wouldn't work hard towards a deadline or avoid that dodgy looking alleyway at night if we didn't get anxious.

However, too much anxiety can be crippling, and can lead to overthinking, catastrophising and black and white thinking, all of which do not play a useful function in our lives.

It may feel like you will never be free of anxiety and that it's just 'part of me'. I can help you develop a toolbox to tackle your anxious thoughts. We can also explore why they are there in the first place, and through understanding why you are anxious you can put positive changes in place to improve your life.

04/03/2023

There is so much in the media about how to be more productive, and the people who are most admired seem to be the ones who are good at their very high pressured jobs whilst also having an amazing social life, managing to run their home life effectively and have some extra highly successful business on the side.....

I get those pressures, I used to berate myself if I sat down and chilled for a while or hadn't got through the long list of things that I wanted to achieve in a day.

Not any more. Now, instead of feeling guilty if I take a couple of hours out to finish a book I can't put down, or catch up on my favourite TV show I think 'wasn't that lovely, I needed that', and I am definitely happier for it.

What are you going to do today to take some time for yourself?

It’s better to slow down rather than break down.

03/03/2023

'Reading fiction is known to enhance mental health, job prospects and increase empathy. It helps with concentration and has even been proven to aid sleep'

I love reading - from crime novels to counselling books to young adult fiction (got to love The Hunger Games), and I would agree that reading before bed helps me sleep far more effectively than doom scrolling.

Let me know in the comments if you've any recommendations.

P.S. I've not quite got the hang of this this social media thing yet. I'm a day late - world book day was yesterday, and trying to take a selfie of myself reading, had me in fits of giggles - it was really hard despite my long arms 😃

01/03/2023

27/02/2023

I love this. Men are much less likely to seek help for their mental health than women. Emmerdale is normalising men having mental health issues and this will hopefully encourage more of them to reach out. Well done Emmerdale!

For the first time in its fifty year history, Emmerdale will be airing an episode featuring an ensemble cast of only male actors to highlight men's mental health issues.

In coming weeks Marlon will set up a late night lock-in at the Woolpack, with one thing on the agenda... men talking to each other.

Find out more: http://social.itvx.com/61815Tz7X