22/05/2025
Contemplated not sharing this.
Earlier this week, someone I've known for years made a comment about my reasons for doing bodybuilding, suggesting that it was to gain male attention. The comment was so ridiculous I didn't respond. The hours of training, 5am get ups, restricted food, and unrelenting training schedule are most certainly for my benefit & no-one else.
But it's got me thinking about sharing my why.
We adopted our 5th child in 2016, after raising 4 children, she didn't sleep for 7 years, hence the huge weight gain to 102kg. Living on quick release carbohydrates & caffeine, struggling to cope with the chronic stress of a complex disabled child and numerous other stresses including work.
I wasn't training or doing anything for me. My main reason for training has always been my mental health. I struggle with really low self efficacy, body dysmorphia, disordered eating and chronic anxiety, often associated with ADHD, which I have. Add perimenopause into the mix too π
I have struggled with my mental health due to my own brain chemistry & childhood trauma for many years and training has been the thing that saved me without a doubt.
At my lowest in 2023, when I didn't think I could continue, I met someone who talked to me and gave me the strength to start thinking about my own health and fitness again after sharing with him that I was dealing with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis.
Slowly I got back to my training (after formerly being an international athlete, I'd lost my way completely). The work started to pay off, my nutrition got back on track & I felt I had a focus that was to get me back.
But every single day is a struggle with my mental health, in every photo here I am fighting my own mental health battle. Remembering to breathe & that today is worth living. EVERY SINGLE day I have negative thoughts and huge self doubts & a lack of self efficacy that comes from years of neurological damage.
Just please, when you see someone post a selfie, or seem confident and happy, be kind, keep negative comments to yourself and women... support other women!
You don't know what battle someone is fighting in their own head