Sonja Marga Integrative Counsellor

20/03/2026

As a former foster carer, and now a counsellor, I learned that understanding someone's past helped me make sense of their behaviours.
But I've also learnt something else the hard way.
Understanding someone's past doesn't mean you have to accept the harm that comes from their behaviours in the present. Especially if they are an adult.
We all carry things from our childhood - patterns from wounds, that once kept us safe, but now can cause harm to ourselves and others. But awareness of this without accountability keeps us stuck in our past. And the people around shouldn't have to suffer or protect themselves from us.
If you recognise patterns in yourself that you want to change, or you're struggling to hold boundaries with someone you care about - I'm here. I understand the "why" and I will work with you to help you get unstuck from the past - whether it's yours or someone else's.

19/03/2026

This weekend, Muslims gathered in Trafalgar Square to pray and give out free food. And it caused a national row.

I've been sitting with this one. Because I think what happened — and the reaction to it — says something important about how fear and prejudice work in us.

Trafalgar Square regularly hosts Easter passion plays, Diwali celebrations, Hanukkah events, Chinese New Year festivities. These are welcomed, celebrated, shared. But when thousands of Muslims gathered for an Open Iftar — praying together and offering food to strangers — some politicians called it "an act of domination."

I'm not religious myself. But I know kindness when I see it. And I know a double standard when I see it too.

As a counsellor, I spend a lot of time thinking about how fear shapes us. How when we feel threatened — even by something harmless — our nervous system can turn the unfamiliar into something dangerous. That's not a moral failing. But it is something worth noticing in ourselves.

The question I'd gently ask is: what is it we're actually afraid of? And is that fear about what's really in front of us — or about something older, something we've carried for a long time?

I stand with every person who was at that square this weekend. You did nothing wrong. You were kind. That matters.

👉 sonjamargacounsellor.com

Sonja Marga Integrative Counsellor, offers compassionate counselling and advice in Middlewich. BACP-registered. Discover support that helps you move forward.

18/03/2026

For some people prejudice can become a kind of armour. If you grew up in a frightening or chaotic world, taking on the beliefs of those who you feared may have felt like the only way to belong, to feel safe or to feel strong.
That doesn't make prejudice okay. But understanding why someone is racist or homophobic or prejudiced, may help you or someone you love.
If any of this makes sense somehow, - whether you are trying to understand yourself, or a family member, - I'm here to talk.

17/03/2026

Have you ever felt anger or fear and just needed someone or something to blame. I know I have. But blaming others can become a pattern. And it can erode relationships. Partners feel unseen and unheard. Children, who cannot understand what they did wrong or why they are being punished, can carry that fear long into adulthood
Change is possible. By learning to pause, recognise your emotional triggers, and understand why you react the way you do, you can begin to heal.
The people we love deserve the best version of us. As do we.
I'm here to walk alongside you if you need to understand and talk. Without judgement, with warmth and always, at your pace.

13/03/2026

When people lash out at someone who is different - a different skin colour, a different way of loving, a different gender - it can sometimes come from fear. Fear of the unknown. Even maybe fear of what they see in themselves.
That doesn't make it right. And it doesn't make it hurt any less.
If you have been at the receiving end of someone else's fear - their racism, their homophobia, their hostility - that pain is real and deserves to be heard.
You don't have to make sense of it alone.

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12/03/2026

When something triggers you - a tone of voice, a sharp word, even an innocent question - your reaction is real, and valid. But having to stop and explain why you reacted the way you did, over and over again, is exhausting.
Maybe it's someone you love who just doesn't realise. Maybe its someone changed by illness. Or maybe it's something you can't quite name.
But you shouldn't have to constantly justify how you feel.
Counselling offers a safe space where your reactions are not judged. And you can explain or not, as you wish.
Does this sound like something you deal with and does it make you feel tired too?

11/03/2026

Abuse never ends for the survivor. Twenty year; thirty years later the bedroom door still gets locked or the bedroom light still gets left on all night. Your body still remembers even though logically you know you are safe now.
That's hypervigilance. And it still lives in so many of us - survivors of childhood abuse, or racism, of domestic abuse. In anyone whose sense of safety has repeatedly shaken.
Your hypervigilance tried to protect you. It still is trying. But don't you deserve to feel safe now?
Does your body react before your mind catches up?

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09/03/2026

Does the world make you feel like you don't belong? Being othered - because of your skin colour, or your gender, your sexuality , your disability - sends a message that somehow you are less than. And when that message comes repeatedly, your nervous system learns to brace itself. That's not a weakness. That's a very human response to an unkind world.
Whether you have experienced racism, misogyny, homophobia or simply never felt safe in your own skin - these experiences deserve to be heard not minimised.
Counselling offers a space where all of you is welcome, exactly as you are.
Has the feeling of not belonging affected your anxiety? You don't have to answer - but you are welcome to reach out. 💙

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07/03/2026

Have you ever been made to feel like you don't belong? Being "othered" - excluded, dismissed or defined by how someone else sees you - leaves a mark. Whether it's your nationality, your identity, your sexuality, or simply who you love; that moment of rejection can cut deep. And when it happens again and again, it shapes how you see the world.
But you are not the problem. You are perfect just the way you are.
Counselling offers a safe space where everybody is welcome - no exceptions. If the weight of feeling unwelcome or not seen becomes too much to carry alone please know that I see you and I'm here if you need to talk.

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07/03/2026

Some days the world feels so much louder and scarier than it used to. I remember doors being left unlocked and neighbours stopping by. But today social media floods us with news 24-7 bringing with it fear that feels constant. Even though in reality life is not as unsafe as it feels. If you feel like this, know you are not alone. You're human. If you'd like to talk .... I'm here.

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05/03/2026

We live in a world where the news never ends. If adults can feel overwhelmed by it, imagine being a teenager today.
They are not only being bombarded with world events. They are also being told - every day - how they should look, live and succeed. And social media makes everybody else's life look perfect!
When nothing seems good enough, some young people may feel like just giving up. Others try to control the only thing they can - their bodies.
Young minds aren't meant to carry this much alone.
Sometimes having a safe space to talk can make all the difference.

04/03/2026

Have you ever noticed that when you go on the internet and search once for pictures of kittens suddenly your social media is full of kittens. Or if you pause on a news post suddenly your whole feed seems to fill up with fear inducing news.
Algorithms shape what we see but we also shape them.
If you already carry old survival wiring, that constant stream can feel overwhelmingly threatening.
But here is the hopeful part. The keys isn't fear of technology. It's psychological literacy. When we understand our own nervous system, we can choose what we consume and how we respond.
You are not alone in this. And steadiness can be learned.