Dr Ellie Birtley Relationship, Psychosexual Therapist, Sexual Health Doctor

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Dr Ellie Birtley Relationship, Psychosexual Therapist, Sexual Health Doctor

Psychos*xual therapy, relationship therapy, s*x and p**n addiction

25/12/2022

Merry Xmas to all my friends, family and clients ❤️
This festive season can bring up a whole range of feelings as we connect with loved ones and remember those no longer with us.
I lost my Sister, aged49, and today her daughter, my Niece, is spending it in a children’s care home in order to help make someone else’s day a little bit more special.
Anna was so kind and by doing this act of kindness she can feel closer to her Mum.
Love to everyone who misses someone this Christmas 🕊️🥰

08/09/2022

RIP your majesty; your legacy is unrivalled in lifelong devotion, dignity and stability 💔

29/08/2022

S*x trades on the thrill of discovering, over and over again, that we are unknown to ourselves. ... What makes for adventure is not only the novelty of the Other, although that helps, but the Otherness of the self.

•Virginia Goldner, "Ironic Gender, Authentic S*x"

27/08/2022

Holiday memoirs:
The intensity of working in the NHS heightens the sweetness of time off as does the many luscious memories I have of sun, sea, sand .. and of course s*x.
The couples I work with, struggling with conflict and waning passion often recount to me how their 2 weeks of stress free time away found themselves on a quiet island of calm and physical intimacy.
Never underestimate the impact of stress on our intimate relationships and pay close attention to how your lives can be rebalanced amongst the everyday demands.
In the meantime I will return with gratitude to my sunbed and inwardly thank those few past lovers (you know who you are) who have made sweet memories with me in far flung countries ..

🙏

26/08/2022

What does a psychos*xual therapist read on holiday?
For me it has to be Esther Perel!
This book invites you to broaden your thinking on infidelity and have a conversation with your partner about what monogamy means to each of you.
We are prone to locking down our relationships in order to prevent what we all know is at risk .. but the tighter the boundaries the greater the thrill of the transgression.
Perel invites every partnership to find their own individual way to keep the spark, interest and creativity alive and avoid “affair proofing” your relationship with stifling constraints.
She pertains empathy for both the betrayed and the betrayer and eloquently explores the road of ethical nonmonogamy.
She implores us to learn from infidelity without going through it .. to think about ‘how we can bring some of the erotic vitality of illicit love into our authorised unions’.
Don’t wait for a crisis to do this but protect your selves now in a way that revitalises rather than stifles your love ..

24/08/2022

This film, showing in independent cinemas, catapulted a bolt of intangible truth to my very core. I was left shocked, tearful and speechless.
Jodie Comer (from Killing Eve) gave an incredible performance depicting how ‘the law spins on the wrong axis’ for s*xual assault victims.
As the sole performer she energetically depicts, through her journey as a ruthless prosecuting lawyer to r**e victim, how s*xual assault survivors are discredited in court. We see how the evidence on the periphery of their memory, due to the effects of trauma, is used to weaken their credibility.
These cases do not belong in the paternalistic criminal justice system we have in the UK where just 1.3% of r**e cases result in a conviction; they deserve a specialised s*xual assault court where the nuances of these cases are not used to embellish reasonable doubt and allow the perpetrators to walk free.

1 in 3 people are s*xually assaulted!!!

*xualassaultvictims

07/08/2022

Myths that affect our intimacy:
‘S*x and pe*******on are the same’
Lots of us unconsciously absorb messages about s*x from films, books, the internet, friends and society that are false.
A common misconception is that s*x always involves pe*******on.
Pe*******on for some is riddled with anxiety due to pain, trauma, erectile dysfunction, and performance anxiety for example.
But physical intimacy can be just as satisfying exploring non penetrative touching; in fact many people report that it increases sensuality, trust, closeness and pleasure … have the confidence to explore and expand this part of your connection with your partner and see what effects it brings ..

10/07/2022

What’s happened in America wrt women’s abortion rights is a travesty .. let’s hope that Biden can stop the ripple effect from reaching IUDs that potentially work by preventing implantation of a fertilised egg when used for emergency contraception.

https://apple.news/AUV8Vw0rZRA-qlQXg5ZxOaA

02/07/2022

Today is the 50th gay pride London:
“Participation in the parade gives the opportunity for expression of celebration, joy and triumph but also the voice to rightly express the continued fight for those injustices and inequalities that exist amongst us.”

We can see that from what’s happening in America to Womens abortion rights that pressure must be maintained to continue our path for equality.
Even the small things are important like ensuring childcare and household chores are equal within our relationships .. we can all make changes however small ..

21/06/2022

This week is
Cervical screening can stop cancer but for some women it isn’t always easy.
I see women who find smear tests unbearable but with the right support
a comfortable smear is possible. Did you know you can insert your own speculum and use local anaesthetic gel?
I can explore the route of the problem and offer graded desensitisation to the speculum, local anaesthesia, and anxiety management techniques, all of which can help to empower and put you back in control.
Don’t put yourself at risk of an avoidable cancer. Don’t avoid your smear.

www.jostrust.org.uk

13/06/2022

This s*x positive film is released this week and forges the way for female pleasure and self acceptance; body image issues are a common barrier to relaxing and being in the moment s*xually, dampening desire and arousal .. but it doesn’t have to be that way .. we can all find a way to break through personal barriers .. and it doesn’t always require a s*x saint!!
Therapy can be a safe space to explore and start to overcome the barriers that hold us back ..

*xpositivity

02/06/2022

Not quite over the rainbow 🌈

Heteronormativity is pervasive in our society and fuels prejudice and hate crimes towards gender and s*xual non conforming individuals.
The ingrained ideology can also become internalised disrupting our relationship with ourselves when our circumstances or who we really are deviate from social norms.
E.g if we are single we might feel incomplete, or suppress our true selves if our gender or s*xuality is fluid.
Curious to know more? This article is brilliant:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352154620300383

31/05/2022

Attended a study day recently and had the pleasure of hearing Katie Neeve’s transitioning story from Martin to Katie.
Thank you Katie for your funny, raw, honest, educational and inspirational talk to raise trans awareness.
You eloquently conveyed how it’s not only cool to be trans but cool to be unashamedly who you really are!

🌈

15/05/2022

Watched the platinum jubilee celebration last night at Windsor ‘A gallop through history’.
It’s screened on ITV tonight .. loved La Garde Republicaine .. I know how hard it is to ride a half pass!!
The event connected the nations love of horses with her majesty’s personal passion.
Churchill said ‘There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man’.
It was a fine tribute to our equine friends and their role in the history and mental well being of our nation ..

12/05/2022

This week is themed on ‘Loneliness’.
A desire to connect forms the fabric of our existence yet our circumstances and life events mean we can spend much time alone. Conversely, if we spend too much time with others we can stifle intimacy by enmeshing, and neglect our self care.
The key to thriving is to skilfully manoeuvre between other connection and time with ourselves; balance that facilitates true intimacy with ourselves and other people ..

11/05/2022

Overwhelmed?
The tide of life going against us can sometimes catch us out .. sending us temporarily into a dark, lonely space of overwhelm.
Having a trusted person witness your pain can be enough to get back on dry land again .. don’t struggle alone and remember this will pass too as surely as the tide goes in and out ..

02/05/2022

As we watch a MP resign after being caught watching p**n in parliament isn’t it a time to reflect on our own addictions?
In his book ‘Freedom from our addictions’ Brand invites us to “Survey the landscape of your life, your family relationships, your working life, your s*xual behaviour, your eating, your use of your phone, drugs and alcohol, the way you spend money and ask, ‘Am I happy with this?’ ‘Is this how I want to live?’

**naddiction *xtherapy

Address

Midhurst

Telephone

+447931074614

Website

http://www.drelliebirtley.co.uk/

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