23/05/2025
HOW SUDDENLY IT COMES, THIS LAST TODAY, TOMORROW SEEMED SO FAR AWAY WHEN WE WERE YOUNG….
…that’s a line from a poem I use sometimes when it feels appropriate in a service…
There’s so many interesting aspects of being a celebrant – hearing people’s life stories can be fascinating, and one part that I enjoy hearing when meeting a family to talk about their loved one, is stories from childhood and younger days, especially if those days are in a different era to ones I’ve lived in – there’s just something about the nostalgia.
Of course, it’s always wonderful to hear the happy memories from those who were with them at the time, or the stories they always told their family – of childhood days spent playing outside making their own fun; tales of escapades and mischief. Or in their teenage years and early adulthood – memories of ‘good old fashioned ‘courting’ or time spent with friends; going to the ‘pictures’ or dance halls, with stiffened underskirts and stockings, or perhaps they didn’t have them and had to improvise, as young ladies often did.
Sometimes these memories are prompted when I ask where they went to school, but I do make a point of asking about childhood memories. I tend to ask if they enjoyed school or what their strengths were. On more than one occasion, I’ve reframed it – did they go, did they not?!
That’s because I’ve heard many a tale of not going to school, or turning up for register and disappearing, a far cry from the modern technology we now have whereby I can log on to an app and see that my child has been registered in every single lesson of the day and you can bet I’d be getting a phone call if she didn’t turn up. I often find this opens the door for a conversation about funny stories and it’s these that can help break the ice early on in a service and lift the tone.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve heard some brilliant early life and school anecdotes. Today, I did a service for a 93 year old, who I’ve met, but oh I wish I’d known her properly!! She attended a service I delivered just over 3 years ago, and the cheeky lady tried to book me for hers…I said I wasn’t taking bookings, but as it was, she got her wish. What a character! So many funny stories throughout her life but her family said, when she was young, she was a little bu**er!
There was no other word for it, she used to take herself home from school every break and lunchtime and her mum would have to take her back! She was what was often referred to as a ‘tom boy’ (always being careful with language when I say that, times change) she was always outside; her mum would tell them to go out or she’d find them a job to do. She was always dishevelled compared to her sisters, and she used to sit in the middle of the road near her house and her older sister would tell on her!
I have a service coming up for a lady who would be sent to collect the food ration, and she’d eat the cheese on the way home! A family I worked with a few weeks ago said he hardly went to school, he used to spend more time jumping over the wall and collecting golf balls from the course next door and selling them back for a few pence, and when he was older, he’d go off to the scrap yard and tinker with cars instead!
A family I visited this week said he used to climb up onto the roof of the house to avoid going to school! And a few months ago, I remember a lady told me that she and her sister used to secretly smoke in their outside toilet, and one day, their dad pulled them up on it – turns out, he’d spotted the red mark on the white-washed walls where they struck the matches!
It’s not always happy memories of course and it’s never right to be disingenuous or to get too misty eyed when the reality was harsh; there’s many a story of hardship, and my take on it is that in those cases, whilst we don’t want to dwell on the misery, it feels right to acknowledge the difficulties they faced and what different times they lived through. It might offer some perspective and gratitude for things we might be fortunate enough to have now.
Sometimes we don’t have access to these stories and memories – perhaps they didn’t really talk to their family about certain parts of their life or there may not be anyone around who has those memories. But occasionally it’s a case of reminding their family that it’s nice to talk about any, and all parts of their life at the funeral, not just what they were like or what they did in the latter part, that it’s good to remember that “they were young once”.
And let me tell you, it’s always the childhood pictures that get me all choked up – if there’s a music and photo tribute during the service with precious old photographs in, or on the service sheets, if there’s going to be a lump in the throat that’s when it will be.
