27/05/2020
Following on from Mental Health Awareness Week (especially during these challenging and unprecedented times), I hope you are all keeping well and safe. This year’s theme was Kindness, and other themes I have noticed during my clinical work recently are:
Isolation and Loneliness
Uncertainty
Significant changes for younger people
So let’s have a brief look at these main themes?
Kindness:
It’s great to see so many people pulling together to help and support others during these challenging times. If we join together as a community, we can help keep our spirits high and overcome the adversity we face. Are we being kind and compassionate to ourselves as well? If we saw someone fall in the street, would we say “ouch that looks painful..” and walk off? (in normal circumstances when the country is not in a pandemic or lockdown). So why would we notice distress in ourselves and then do nothing about it? Why would we metaphorically speaking leave ourselves on the floor? Being compassionate is about being aware or noticing the distress but having the motivation to do something about it, either directly or indirectly.
If I know I am having a bad day at work (due to increased workload) or feeling more stressed and worried than usual (because of worry about COVID 19), what can I do with the intention of reducing the distress, even if slightly? Maybe I can arrange to speak with a friend via phone or video? Maybe I can run a nice hot bath? Or maybe I can speak to my manager about my increased workload? Or maybe I can try and arrange a test for COVID 19?
Noticing the distress is one thing, what are you, or can you do to help alleviate it?
Isolation and Loneliness:
Most of us have had our routines significantly changed recently. Some of us are no longer at work, or no longer able to visit family or friends, or even participate in our hobbies. Interaction with other people and engaging in hobbies, whether it is the gym or martial arts can be our way of gaining a sense of connection, staying healthy or even releasing tension. Alot of that has been removed and so its no surprise that people might be having a difficult time to manage their mood and emotions.
What about the people who might live on their own, or have no family or friends, or might not be in a significant relationship? Feedback I have had is that people are seeing pictures or hearing stories of other families doing things together during lockdown, and it is acting as a trigger and reminder of how isolated and lonely they really are...
I think it can be challenging for us all, regardless of our circumstances. Can we stop and pause to think for a moment what our values are? Are we spending our time in line with our values, even if we are currently in a pandemic and lockdown? How can we adapt and adjust things so that we can act in line with our values and also remain within the government guidelines?
Let’s have a quick test: Rate the following values on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 is the most important)
Family, Intimate relationships, Parenting, Social Life, Work, Education, Recreation, Spirituality/ Religion, Community life, Self care.
Now, during the past 2 months (since we started lockdown), on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most consistent), how consistent have you been acting in line with your values?
If health and fitness is a 10/10 important value, and you have done some exercise over the past 2 months, then that might be a 6/10 on consistency. Ask yourself, why is it not a 3/10? What can you do to get that 6/10 into an 8/10? We might not be able to go to the gym or our usual martial arts class, but how can we improvise? Can we have a mini workout at home using household objects? Can we participate on online or virtual gym or martial arts classes?
We might not be able to physically see our friends and family, but how can we improvise? Maybe the telephone or video? Maybe a regular weekly group conference call? Maybe watching a film together from 2 separate locations? Maybe having a cup of tea together and having a virtual catch-up?
Time is precious. Fill it up with things that are important and meaningful to you. “Ill do it tomorrow”, “I don’t feel like it today” . If we wait until we feel like doing something, what is the risk?
We might never feel like doing it and then it won’t get done! What if we did something anyway, regardless of how we felt at the time, and then see how it makes us feel afterwards? Don’t wait until you feel like doing something, plan what you want to do (within government guidelines), and do it anyway!
Uncertainty:
“the Serenity Prayer” (Reinhold Niebuhr,1892–1971) sums this up perfectly I think (religious connotations removed):
Give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Some things are just outside of our control and we can not realistically do anything about it. We can keep ourselves safe and follow government guidelines on social distancing. Why worry about things that might not even happen, that we cannot change? Isn’t worrying about something before it happens the same as paying a car insurance excess before you have an accident, and then paying the excess again IF you have an accident? It might be helpful if we can try to limit our worries for particular times in the day, and save them up so that they don’t take up most of our day. Focussing on the here and now can help us stay present instead of being dragged into future worries.
Significant changes for younger people:
Here are some quotes from younger people, given to me from parents I work with:
“we are not even allowed to see our friends. I’m worried I won’t even see them again and my worry is coming true. Seeing them online is not the same. I miss the spontaneous fun and laughter we had. I worry about my grandparents who are at risk and my mum who does shopping without wearing a mask”
“it would be pretty bad if my grandparents died. Socially, things are no different from before, we are all online anyway and I prefer virtual school.”
“I’m enjoying being at home with both my parents”
“I’m enjoying virtual school, not having to get the bus saves me around 3 hours a day, I also get more sleep which is great for my wellbeing. I don’t see the point of going back to school if we have to socially distance anyway as I cant see my friends properly. I think it is difficult for schools to make it work and would put too much strain on teachers”
“I don’t think things will return to normal very quickly, but i feel I will be able to adapt reasonably easily as I am not too phased by the pandemic. Obviously i don’t think we should return to normal until it is safe to do so, and I think the world will be very different. Maybe the schools will keep a remote day a week in future.”
“the thing that worries me the most is not knowing if friends and family are staying safe. I also worry I am not learning as much as I am supposed to be. I’m disappointed our holiday might be cancelled, I really needed that”.
What can we do or say to help reassure our children? What is the impact on parents if their children are experiencing anxiety and worry, or even isolation or boredom?
Let’s all be kind and supportive of each other. Here is a selection of ideas of things you might do:
1. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while
2. Tell someone how much you love or appreciate them
3. Arrange a virtual tea and catch up with someone
4. Watch a film together with someone at 2 separate
locations
5. Tell someone you know how proud you are of them
6. Send someone a joke or inspirational quote
7. Send someone a picture of an animal
8. Make someone in your household a tea or coffee
9. Help someone in your household with a chore
10. Reach out to a friend who might be struggling (Virtually)
11. If you can afford to do so, donate to a food bank or clothes bank.
12. Offer to teach someone a new skill via video
13. Call a colleague and see how they are coping
14. Give positive feedback when credit is due
15. Have a virtual lunch with your colleague
I hope this post was helpful. I would love to hear your opinions and ideas.
