21/05/2026
I wrote this post on this day in 2020. Today it popped up on my memories and I was reminded of how much I’ve continued to grow into a more authentic version of myself over the past 6 years.
It’s a long one… bare with me...
At that time I felt so inspired by how hard I’d worked on myself, the discoveries I’d made along the way and all the possibilities that lay ahead.
I had no way of knowing the struggles the future would bring but I’d learned many tools to help me manage.
As it turned out I’d face things I never would have anticipated, the landscape of life changed in many more ways than I could have imagined. The highs and lows, twists and turns of it all weren’t easy. I have lost people I thought would be with me for a lifetime along the way and yet I'm still here doing so much more than surviving - I am living.
Looking back I see how every part of the journey helped me to grow, even when it was uncomfortable, even when it was sad. With every experience I evolved even more and every day I become more authentically myself. I love that. And I love the possibilities that come with not knowing where your path may lead.
I'd forgotten all about this moment and this post. Yet there have been two separate ocassions these past weeks when I have been reminded of what it felt to be in that place all those years ago, and that indeed not all victories feel victorious. Sometimes the biggest win is to accept and let go.
👇👇👇👇👇
Today marks a special day for me. It’s the day I realised victory doesn’t always feel victorious yet it can still be celebrated as the stepping stone for success.
This is me, a piece of my story...
There was once a moment where I thought I had the dream, it was a fleeting moment of pure joy as I sat in my car alone. Like many things in life, this was to be a reminder that all emotions are temporary and life undoubtably changes. Piece by piece all I thought to be my dream began to crack until slowly it became undone. Eventually as time moved on the world as I had once known it had changed so much that it felt as though it had completely fallen apart. What I hadn't realised yet was that this dream was never mine. It was sold to me, by society, by the community around me, by leaders and people I thought I "should" look up to and respect.
I remember this time when I finally said out loud that I felt like I was standing amidst a disaster, I described the way I felt was as if the walls of my life had fallen around me, the remains of rubble pilled high, it was dark, I was sad and I had no way out. I felt trapped, isolated and completely defeated.
The sadness I felt at this time was immense and often manifested itself as anger. I thought all the dreams and hopes I had for my life had gone and still life kept throwing more heartache at me, one thing after another piling that rubble even higher.
Then one day I noticed a crack in the debris, flowers began to grow where there had been nothing. I realised that the sun was still shining and through gaps in the heavy sky new hope began to be born, this hope was within me. I found guides were being brought into my life, giving me new perspective and for the first time in as long as I could remember I began to see myself again. My soul spoke to me and reminded me of who I once was.
I seen a quote that read “when things seem like they are falling apart, perhaps they are really falling into place” this quote found me when I needed it the most, I began to realise this was often the case and that in every part of our journey we have something to learn that will undoubtedly align us closer to our purpose.
This outlook gave a very different landscape, my disaster zone now looked like new opportunity. It was a chance to take all the rubble of the past and turn it into the building blocks of the future. It was a chance for me to create something new, wonderful and more beautiful than before.
I began to appreciate that without the heartache I never would have seen the light, this was the chance to create a more peaceful and fulfilling life that was more authentic to who I really am. In this life I could begin to celebrate the lessons life had given me and use them to help others.
So today the 21st of May 2020 marks a very important day on this journey, it feels like the war is finally over and the rebuild is well underway.
I know now that even in our darkest moments, when the burden of things become too heavy to carry, like the sky, we can let go, release the weight of the rain and the storm that’s been stuck inside of us and allow the sun to shine again. I realise that darkness and light live within us all and after the darkness the light will inevitably follow, even when you think it wont.
Today has reminded me to believe in myself, it’s told me I am resilient, there is always hope and my heartache was worth the small victory. I have the chance to live a life that matters, to be a bigger and brighter light than I ever would have been before and that the time to do that is now.
I’m not naive to think there won’t be times of darkness in my future, there is no doubt that I will experience sadness again but I know I am strong and I am a fighter. I recognise the love and the passion within me and I know I can survive and grow.
I know who I am. Parts of me can die, for I can be reborn and flourish again. The light that burns in us all can’t be extinguished by anyone other than ourselves. We hold the light and the power within us, sometimes we just need some help to find it again.
I wish for you strength and resilience in your dark times, to know that you are not alone in your suffering. I hope that when these times come you will find the courage within to see the opportunity. I hope that the light within you all will glow so brightly that you will begin your next chapter with love and gratitude in your heart, letting go of everything else.
Today I am winning, it’s time to release old ghosts.
If your still with me thank you for reading, I hope my story might resonate and even inspire you.
Love Gemma x
