Heather Garbutt Love & Relationship Coach

22/04/2026

Are you going back on the dating apps or are using them but want a fresh approach?

Save this first. 👇

If you'd like to get the full five-step framework I give every client before they open any dating platform you can download the free Dating with Clarity guide from the link in the comments, and join the newsletter where the real work continues. 💛

19/04/2026

Here is a permission slip - Block freely and block without guilt.

The kind-hearted part of you wants to give people chances, wants to wonder if you were too harsh, wants to keep the conversation alive out of politeness.

Don't.

The man who doesn't capture your attention on first look will not improve with further exposure, and if you keep him in your feed, the algorithm keeps showing him to you, and blocking out the people who might actually be worth your time.

Block him, leave room for the ones who are genuinely there, and this is a gentle reminder that this is not harshness. This is how the tool works properly.

First-level discernment: real name, clear photos, completed profile, a genuine sense of who he is.
Second-level discernment: is he curious about you, or just performing himself at you?
If the answer is no, you already know what to do.

For more tips like this you can download the free Dating with Clarity guide via the link in the comments, and join the newsletter where the real work continues. 💛

17/04/2026

Dating apps are built on the same behavioural psychology as a slot machine.

The occasional hit of a promising match keeps you returning, a notification arrives and your nervous system responds before you've consciously decided to look.

This is not weakness, this is the design - and here is the reframe:

The apps are not a place to be,they are a tool to use.

Think of your car. You drive it briefly and deliberately for a specific purpose, then you lock it and go and live your actual life. You don't live in your car.

The moment the apps begin to colonise your time, your emotional bandwidth, your nervous system, they have stopped working for you and started working against you.

One small shift you can make that has a big impact is checking in deliberately. Twice a day at times you choose. Turn off the notifications, then lock the car and go and live your life.

For more practical tips onhow you can navigate dating apps with ease not anxiety you can download the free Dating with Clarity guide via the link in the comments below, and join the newsletter where the real work continues. 💛

14/04/2026

The most powerful thing you can develop as a woman who is dating is discernment. Not suspicion, not armour, not a list of red flags saved on your phone. Genuine, clear-eyed discernment. The ability to see what is in front of you accurately, name it honestly, and act accordingly without losing yourself in the process.

This matters right now because there is a growing world online that is actively teaching certain men to approach women as adversaries rather than partners. You may have encountered it without knowing what it was. A first date that felt more like an assessment than a conversation. A remark that left you feeling faintly diminished. A dynamic that was hard to name but impossible to ignore.

And here is what I want you to hold alongside that. Most men are not in this world. Most men are simply trying to connect, in a world that has changed very rapidly and given them very few emotional tools to cope with that change.

Discernment is not about approaching every man with suspicion. It is about seeing clearly enough to know the difference, calmly and quickly, and moving on without it costing you your energy or your openness.

Because your job is not to rescue anyone. Your job is not to compete or prove yourself. Your job is to be so clearly, unapologetically yourself that the man who is genuinely ready can find you without confusion. That is discernment in action.

If this resonates, I write about this work each week in my newsletter. It is where the real depth lives. The link to join is in the comments below. 💛

12/04/2026

Here are four things to watch for, in a profile, in early messaging, in a first conversation.

→ His profile lays down rules for women before you've even met. What he will and won't tolerate. This language tends to be a precursor to controlling behaviour. Believe it.

→ He opens by declaring he will never hit you, or lists basic adult functioning as though it's remarkable. The bar is being set at the very beginning.

→ Something slightly sexual early in messaging, followed immediately by an apology before you've even responded. He's probing your boundaries while giving himself deniability. The apology is not remorse.

→ He speaks disparagingly about modern women, about feminism, about having been uniquely wronged. He has been reading things that have told him you are his adversary.

This is not a list to make you paranoid.
It is a list to keep your eyes open.

If you'd like tips to help navigate your dating journey you can download the free Dating with Clarity guide , and join the newsletter where the real work continues. I'll add the link in the comments below 💛

09/04/2026

Have you ever been on a date with a man who seemed perfectly reasonable, even charming, and yet something felt slightly off?

A subtle undermining dressed as a compliment.

A sense that you were being assessed rather than met.

A remark that left you wondering if perhaps you were too much. Too opinionated. Too particular.

You were not imagining it.

I call these encounters skirmishes rather than prospective relationships. In this week's video I go into all of this as a psychotherapist, what it is, where it comes from, and how to see it clearly so you can move on without losing a second more of your energy.

If you'd like help putting some of this into practice you can download the free Dating with Clarity guide and join the newsletter where the real work continues. I'll add the links in the comments below 💛

08/04/2026

Before you swipe, before you match, before you go on a single date:
Do this. 👇

Swipe through for the dealmakers and dealbreakers framework I give every client before they start dating.

Save it. Come back to it when you need to.

And if you'd like to go deeper on conscious dating, join my newsletter. The link is in comments. 💛

05/04/2026

Most people go on dates hoping.

Hoping the red flags will settle.Hoping the chemistry will translate.Hoping something will reveal itself.

Here is a different approach.

Before your next date, write two lists.
Your dealmakers: the qualities that are genuinely aligned with your vision for love. Emotional intelligence. Warmth. Reliability. Shared values. These are the structural requirements of a lasting relationship.
Your dealbreakers: the behaviours that create instability. Inconsistency. Boundary crossing. Drama that follows them everywhere. Disrespect, overt or subtle.

Having this clarity before you walk in changes everything, because you stop hoping. And you start discerning.

You can join my weekly newsletter where the real work continues the link is in the comments 💛

02/04/2026

What if the chemistry you're chasing isn't chemistry at all?

What if it's anxiety?

Our nervous systems are pattern-matching machines. If early in life love felt uncertain - conditional, something to be earned, then your nervous system has been calibrated to that.

Uncertainty feels familiar. Familiar gets read as right, and a man who keeps you slightly on edge starts to feel, at a nervous-system level, like 'the one'.

He isn't. He is the familiar one and that is a different thing entirely. Safety can feel almost boring if your baseline is adrenaline and calm can feel like something is missing.

I want to reassure you nothing is missing. You are just not used to being this safe.

You can watch the full video on my YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/McCxxznSxkY?si=lFWz6tI1b9V9kSzF . Worth ten minutes of your time before your next date.

31/03/2026

March has been a month of honest questions.

Why do I keep choosing this? What part of me is still waiting to be taken care of? What do I feel, and what do I actually need?

These are not comfortable questions. But they are the ones that begin to change things.

The two threads running through everything this month, breaking patterns and building a real relationship with yourself, are not separate conversations. They are the same one. Because the patterns we repeat in love are almost always a reflection of how we have learned to relate to ourselves. Change one, and the other begins to shift.

If something this month has stirred something in you, that feeling is worth following. My newsletter is a good place to continue the conversation. The link is on my website: www.heathergarbutt.com

And if you are ready for more, I would love for you to explore working with me. You will find everything in the links below.
https://heathergarbutt.com/contact-me/

29/03/2026

Where in your life are you still expecting someone else to read your mind?

It is one of those questions that can feel uncomfortable to sit with. Because most of us do not think of ourselves as people who expect that. And yet, quietly, we carry needs we have never spoken aloud. We want the other person to sense them, intuit them, offer them without us ever having to ask.

And when they do not, we feel unseen. We pull away. We interpret their missing it as evidence that they do not truly care.
But they were never given the chance to try.

The capacity to know what you feel and name what you need is not a small thing. It is a skill. And for most of us, it is one that was never modelled or encouraged. It asks us to strengthen what I call the adult self. The part of us that can hold our own feelings without outsourcing the responsibility for them.

That is the work. And it is some of the most meaningful work I know.

Each week I share small, practical reflections in my newsletter to help you build exactly this. If that would support you, I would love to have you join me. You can sign up here https://heathergarbutt.com/

29/03/2026