Debbie Wasson - Funeral Celebrant

20/10/2024

Things have changed for me a bit... I have a new job! I'm working for Sandy Bear Children's Bereavement Charity. They have been supporting bereaved children and young people in Pembrokeshire for quite some time now, but the charity is now growing and are extending their support to children and young people in Ceredigion, Carmarthenshire, Swansea and Monmouthshire and Torfaen. I'm just getting to grips with the new role but will be working in Ceredigion. I'm really excited to be working for Sandy Bear, as it is work really close to my heart, but it does mean that I will no longer have the time to work as a funeral celebrant. Every family that I have worked with has a place in my heart- as I've walked a part of that path of loss with them, of finding a way to honour someone that they loved who has died. It has at times been heartwrenching and difficult, but also really enriching, knowing that I have tried to help families find a sense of peace, knowing they have honoured their person well, as they say goodbye. Since I did my first celebrant training in New Zealand in 2005, so many things have changed; there are many more celebrants, people are more aware of choices and ritual and ceremony that meet their personal situation and their communities in a compassionate heart felt way- for this I am so glad. Since my funeral celebrant training with Green Fuse, approaches to funerals have shifed massively, there are now 2 green burial sites near by and funeral professionals offer many different options of support. There are now so many more books and podcasts around grief and death and dying, support groups and charities. I wish for this to continue to grow, for these conversations to continue, for people to know they can be involved, to slow things down, to reclaim their rights to caring for and honouring their loved one in a way that feels right for them. It's often difficult to navigate the practicalities and emotions when someone dies, and the added complexities of family dynamics can make a hard time harder. So, I also wish for families to be met with kindness, from their communities and the professionals involved, and to meet themselves and each other with kindness as we will all tread this path at some point.
So I say goodbye, but I will of course always be if available ever you want advice or need a chat around death, dying or arranging a funeral. I will for the time being, keep this page going, sharing information, signposting and trying to normalise conversations around grief, death and dying. Navigating grief with kindness is something we owe to ourselves and each other 💗

💛 You can’t fix a child’s grief, but you can support them through it 💛

When children and young people experience loss, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings and provide a safe space for them to express their emotions. While we can’t take away their pain, we can walk beside them through their grief, offering understanding, compassion, and support every step of the way 🐻

At Sandy Bear, we are here to help them navigate their journey of loss. If you know a child or young person who needs support, don’t hesitate to reach out.

08/10/2024

If you would like to know more...

I always think it can be really helpful to have information, to think about it, before you're having to make decisions when you're in a place of shock and grief. X

22/09/2024

Grief 💖

All. Of. This.

10/09/2024

Some musings on death and dying and grieving. The lessons we learn from our animals friends.

I wrote this a year ago, and it is still one of my favorite pieces of writing. In the work I do, I've spent my fair share of time with death and grief, but the best lessons I've learned have been from the little creatures - a bumblebee and my sweet rabbit.

I hope you find a moment of peace today.

-A

💜

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Three Lessons on Death

The bee is grounded on the hot asphalt in the grocery store parking lot. She's taking a few slow steps but she won't fly and it will take her far too long to find safety.

I crouch and pick her up. She wanders the unfamiliar landscape of my hand but she seems to like the warmth.

The flower planter is across the driveway and I take her over and slide her off onto a flower but she turns quickly and climbs back into my hand. She refuses to leave so I take her back and look closer; that's when I see the injury, a long slash across her thorax. She sits still on my hand and I realize she hasn't moved her wings the entire time.

I think she is dying.

I ask her again to sit among the flowers but she clings now to my fingers and I give up. I go back to the car, buckle one-handed, drive home one-handed. She rests in my open palm, soaking in the warmth from my skin.

There are no flowers at home, this late in the season, so I go to my aunt's house to the flower garden there. I sit in the long grass next to the rows of flowers and I listen to the other bees working and I just hold my bee.

It is almost an hour before her movements become uncoordinated and confused. She lurches around on my hand and then slowly she stops moving.

I wait, forgetting to breathe, watching her. How do you know when a bee is dead? I don't know. So I wait a little more, then I carefully slide her off my hand into the flower bed. I leave her there, hidden under the blossoms, and I stand up.

This is the first lesson.

Three years later I come home from class. We have learned how to try to stop someone from dying, how to negotiate with death, how to bargain for a little more life. It is late when I get home.

I walk into the kitchen and my rabbit B is standing up, leaning out the open door of her house, waiting for me. Her ears are tinged blue and her mouth is open as she gasps for air and I know, all at once, that she is dying. And I know that unlike most rabbits she is waiting for me.

I sit down on the floor and B flings herself out of her house into my lap. I lift her into my arms and all she wants to do is lean into my warm body. I have known her since the hour she was born and she has never asked to be held except for this moment, now, at the end of her life, but for such a silent creature her request echoes through the house.

I remember the bee.

I hold her, adjusting her position so she can breathe a little easier. She pushes her head under my hand, burrowing in for safety, and I let her.

I hold her. What else can I do? What can anyone do? I want to ease her suffering but she is already very close to the end. So I hold her, for a few minutes more, until I let her go.

This is the second lesson.

I have never seen an animal so distraught. My dog lunges at the dead rabbit in my arms, pushing at her head and mouth, whining and crying. She knows something is wrong: she wants B to breathe.

I hold her now, too, a dead rabbit in one arm and a frantic dog in the other. After a while I rest B in a box for the night and I take my pup upstairs, shut her in my room to sleep. For days she is listless and depressed, constantly sniffing B's house, checking to see if she's come back. I bribe her to eat with a bagel and cream cheese from the Cafe. I coax her out on walks. I ask her what she needs and when she does not know I do my best to figure it out.

This is the third lesson. I think this is the hardest.

Lesson One: Be there. Be open. Be willing to walk this road even if it might hurt.

Lesson Two: Know when to let her go. Know when to step back. Know when to say goodbye.

Lesson Three: The ones left behind need more care then the ones who died. Let the dead rest and let the others grieve.

04/05/2024

Andrea Gibson is a poet, and they read their letter to love. They were diagnosed 3 years ago with ovarian cancer. This is 9 mins long and really so beautiful.
I think my favourite lines are
"There is no protection to soften the grief
Only the willingness to let grief soften you."

I think it's worth a listen. 💖

04/05/2024

Much Ado About Dying is a film made by filmmaker Simon Chambers who supports his uncle at the end of his life. His uncle is an eccentric, flamboyant, man in his 80's who as a retired actor is playful, creative soul, nourished by literature and theatre, but starting to struggle in his old age.

For West Wales folk, it is on at Theatre Mwladan this weekend and into the week.

In cinemas in the UK and Ireland from 3rd May www.cosmiccatfilms.com/much-ado-about-dyingSimon Chambers is shooti...

19/04/2024

I'm sharing this, a love song...
"We don't talk about dying"
💖https://www.facebook.com/share/v/bbpqZ8d14ufUPckj/

25/10/2023

One man writes of his experience of grief and burial and nature. Beautiful words about feeling held and supported by the natural world. I wonder if it resonates?

Happy Friday, This week marked a significant transition in my life: my siblings and I buried my father, and I faced the stark reality of being an orphan. It was a solemn day, characterised more by personal reflection than by the usual overt expressions of grief. As we gathered around the open grave,...

30/09/2023

I've known of the work of Claire and Ru Callender, read books but never seen this ted x talk! Anyone that has chatted to me about death, funerals, ceremonies, grief, ritual may recognise some of what they speak of in this talk, only they do it far more eloquently!!

Claire & Rupert present a new approach to death and funerals.Claire and Ru Callender are self taught, award winning ceremonial undertakers and sextons who se...

30/09/2023

Ru Callendar was part of setting up the Green Funeral Company in South Devon in 1999, a pioneer in changing the funeral industry to be more inclusive of those who are grieving. He will be in Cardigan. He's pretty radical- it will definitely be food for thought!!!

Don’t miss our next talk organised by and Walden arts next Friday 6th October. Ru Callender is a radical Undertaker challenging the stilted, traditional, structured view of the funeral industry. Ru has carried coffins across windswept beaches, sat in pubs with caskets on beer stained tables, helped children fire flaming arrows into their fathers funeral pyre and turned occult rituals into modern performance art. Join us for an evening exploring society’s highest held taboo- death, and ways we might think of it differently . Who knows you may even find yourself laughing! Tickets available through eventbrite or on the events page on our site . We hope to see you there .

10/08/2023

I've been dipping in and out of this podcast recently and I can really recommend it! Liz Gleeson is an Irish grief therapist- she has conversations with people about their experiences of loss and grief in their lives. She covers so many topics in an easy conversational way, leaning into difficult topics so bravely and beautifully. There are topics ranging from dementia and anticipatory grief to collective mourning, the grief of divorce and separation to childhood bereavement. The range of conversations is vast.

Listen to Shapes Of Grief on Spotify. Shapes of Grief is brought to you by Liz Gleeson, an Irish grief therapist. Liz hosts conversations with people about their experience of loss and grief in their lives. Through the recounting of our grief stories, integration can begin to happen, both for the te...

08/08/2023

Just recently I was chatting with some people- how do you remember and honour someone, how do you say goodbye when for some reason you weren't at their funeral, or their funeral service didn't speak to your heart? What rituals or ceremonies can we create for ourselves? It partly depends on you, on them, on your relationship- on what would feel meaningful? Would it be better do it on your own, or would it feel more meaningful to do it with others, to feel the support of your community? Have a think, connect with yourself, chat to others, and you will be sure to find something that soothes your heart or feels cathartic. Here are some possibilities that can be made into creating some special space around saying goodbye or ongoing remembering someone. They may not all appeal, but one might spark inspiration 💖

*plant a rosemary bush -rosemary is for rememberance.
*plant a tree. Some friends I know gave away horse chestnut trees to anyone that wanted them, after their dads funeral.
*I planted a lilac tree that flowers around the anniversary of when our first dog died.
*In my kitchen is a yellow orchid that I bought for a friend's daughter, and it flowers every year around her birthday.
*With friends, I've spend an afternoon at the beach creating a huge sand Mandala for them with their name in. A collaborative project, putting time and care into the planning, and physical energy into the creation of it. It was lovely.
*One family made origami boats, we wrote and read out our messages for them and together set them off sailing down a stream.
*Sometimes the ritual of getting a tattoo can feel right. I know someone who after their partner died, had a tattoo of the trace of their heartbeat.
*Wearing a piece of jewellery that feels significant (either that was theirs, or buying one specially) can help keep someone feeling close.
*Keep something of theirs that was an everyday object (or buy something) like a teapot or a mug- the everyday-ness of it may help keep them feeling present in your life.
*With friends, buy a bottle of their favourite drink, share it, pass it around and share memories together.
*Sit around a fire in the woods or at the beach, carve their name (or words that feel right) onto sticks and throw them into the fire.
*Write them a letter.
*Write yourself a letter from them, imagining what they might have wanted to say to you.
*Invite friends round, make their favourite food or cake, share it together.
*Walk up a hill, hike a trail or coastal path in their memory.
*Spend some time crafting; make bunting from their clothes or material they would have liked, make little hanging hearts and post them to people, spend an afternoon making candles and give them away.
*Make a music playlist that feels significant and reminds you of them, and share it with those who will also appreciate it.
*Make a nature mandala of leaves or collected objects, or build a tower of stones for them somewhere.

There are so many simple, creative, personal ways to spend time honouring someone, honouring life and death, connecting with all that that may mean for you. Be inspired, be a little bold, do what feels right for you, and always be gentle with yourself.

12/06/2023

Recently I helped a family with a funeral at Bargoed Natural Burial Ground. It is such a beautiful space, so peaceful and calm; a perfect resting place for anyone with a deep love of the natural world. Keith, Sally and Mick were once again so thoughtful and helpful. 🙏💖
When I first started helping to hold funeral ceremonies, we didn't have any green burial sites nearby in West Wales- I even started thinking about setting one up. So grateful to have this nature haven as a burial ground nearby.
I walked around a bit afterwards, soaking up the wild beauty. I found a feather and left it at the grave of a friend who is also buried there. A beautiful orange tip butterfly followed me back nearly all the way to my car 🦋
A truly soulful place. We are lucky to have it.

http://www.bargoedburials.co.uk/index.html

16/03/2023

https://tricycle.org/article/amanda-stronza/?utm_content=buffer836b3&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Amanda St***za is an anthropologist, conservationist, and photographer. She creates beautiful mandala type memorials when she finds animals that have died or been killed on the road. This article is beautiful and insightful and talks about death, grief and the profound inter connections between human and animal. There are website and IG links in the article to more of her work.

Anthropologist Amanda St***za reflects on death, grief, and the profound interconnections between animals and humans.

10/03/2023

Human and animal bonds can be so strong- we see it in books, in films, in history and in our lives. Animals can be companions, friends or support us in work.
The death of a pet is often a really hard painful loss to navigate. Their absence is real and often times it isn't really seen or validated by others or even by ourselves.
Our animals can be our reliable, consistant, friends; creatures that love us without judgement. There can be a simplicity to our relationships with them, unlike some of our complex human relationships. They can represent a part of our lives that was carefree or maybe they helped us during some challenging times. They can be fun and help us to connect to the playful parts of ourselves. The tactile connection to an animal can be so soothing. They give us purpose and rythym in our day, and nudge us to social connections with others.
If you have a pet who has died and you are grieving the loss of them, be kind to yourself; your love for them was real, your connection with them was real, your relationship with them was real, and so the grief will be too.

Blue Cross has a pet bereavement and support service.
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

https://youtu.be/TkJGhQANjZo

The grief of losing a pet is crushing; and yet it is too often minimized. This talk explains why the pain of pet loss is different and why it is valid. Dr. H...

06/03/2023

In person and live streaming, talks and workshops around grief including
☆ cold water swimming "The waves of grief- finding solace in the sea"
☆ a creative collaboration with Crowded Room Theatre Company "The Colours of Loss- the impact of sharing your grief story"

And so much more! Take a look!

Click here to book now.

11/02/2023

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☂️ It's .

☂️ The Good Grief Trust is an Umbrella Organisation for bereavement services around the UK & NI. Their website provides links to hundreds of local & national bereavement services, a one-stop shop when your grieving brain needs it most.

☂️ Please support them.

☂️ Pass it on. You never know who's looking for that help right now.