Jo - NLP4Kids, Newcastle

15/01/2026

New year, same neglect of my social media!

I started the year with good intentions but the reality is that there are only so many hours in a day and I will always prioritise the real work first.

Since the start of the new year, I've been inundated with new referrals and I'm doing my absolute best to fit everyone in where I can and as quickly as I can, which means my time is taken up on direct work and the associated admin.

So if you have noticed that I'm quiet at the moment, don't worry I'm still here and as soon as I get a bit of a lull I'll be back to posting more regularly.

Thanks, as always, for your support and patience!

06/01/2026

Burnout recovery is a something I talk about quite often in parenting sessions. This explains it really well. The most important thing is to be patient and be able to spot the tiny signs that you are on the right track. It's scary though and goes against the urge that we often have as parents to put everything we can into "fixing" our child's "problems".

Missing The Mark is a great resource of parents who are experiencing this stage.

The burnout recovery pyramid.

When our children crash out, burnout, breakdown we want to fix it.
We want to make it better.
I mean, what would we look like if we didn’t attempt to do something?

But often in our rush and attention to solutions we miss how much our involvement in them just as they are right now is actually the doing.
Because us being there, taking the time to meet them where they are at is part of recovery, it is repair.

While we might look for others to support this in the beginning when things are fragile others may just be too much.
Cups of tea, chats to the pets might seem like nothing but they could be everything.

So let’s bring the outside in: parcels to peak curiosity, playfulness to lighten or change the tempo, cooking a pile of pancakes and adding toppings for the novelty factor.

Maybe 98% you end up making that Lego build on your own but that 2% of engagement is your glimmer, green shoot.
Write these down, because they are not small, they are massive.

Time is your greatest healer.
And this is yours to repair.
One day it will get better and until then it’s all hands on deck.x

05/01/2026

As the new year arrives, it can bring very mixed feelings. I am conscious this year that a general message of Happy New Year feels quite tone deaf.

For a lot of the families I work with Christmas can be tough. It comes full of expectations, which can be hard to live up to when your child is struggling. Seeing social media posts filled with smiling faces and matching pyjamas can feel like a punch to the gut when your own experience has felt very different.

For those who are grieving, or who are experiencing illness, either themselves or supporting a loved one it can be a particularly painful time of year.

So I’m starting the year by sharing this picture from a little New Year's break I took to London. You might have realised by now that there is nothing I love more than sunsets and sunrises. They are a reminder that every day is a fresh start.

So if things feel tough right now, small steps are enough. One day at a time.

17/12/2025

December isn’t just a busy time for Santa and his elves.

It’s often one of my busiest months for new referrals too. Last year a single post on a couple of local parenting groups led to around five times the usual number of parents getting in touch. This year, I haven’t even posted and I’m still seeing an increase purely through word of mouth.

That tells a story.

By the end of the year, many families are tired. Routines are wobblier, emotions are closer to the surface, and the things that felt manageable in September can suddenly feel much heavier. If something has been quietly building in the background, December often brings it into sharper focus.

‼️You’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone. ‼️

Sometimes, noticing that support is needed is the most important step.

I’ll be off work from Friday for the following two weeks, so if you’ve been planning to get in touch, please do so as soon as possible. I’ll still be checking emails regularly, although responses may be a little slower than usual.

I’m currently fully booked for one to one work with children, but please do get in touch if you would like a place on my waiting list.

01/12/2025

It's the first day of December.

I hope everyone's managed to find the last minute advent calendars and all the elves have reappeared ready for action.

It seems like a good day to revisit this lovely poem.

I don't know who wrote this so I'm unable to credit. It would be lovely to know, so if anyone does know the credit please let me know.

19/11/2025

It’s easy to stay composed when a child is calm and reasonable. It’s much harder when they’re shouting, debating, or twisting your words like a mini-lawyer in meltdown mode.

But here’s the thing: when a child is in fight-flight, they’re not choosing to argue. Their brain is flooded with stress chemicals, and the logical part that helps with reasoning is temporarily offline. Their words may sound clever, but the thinking behind them isn’t switched on.

So, how can you respond without getting pulled into the storm?

1. Keep your words short and your tone calm.
Long explanations or lectures won’t land when the survival brain is in charge. Processing is slower and more difficult so keep whatever you do say simple.

2. Drop the debate.
When you start trying to win the argument, you’ve joined their survival brain in battle. Step back instead. Silence can be surprisingly powerful.

3. Use your body to signal safety.
Relax your shoulders, keep your voice gentle, and avoid looming or pointing. Children read non-verbal cues faster than they hear words.

4. Focus on calming, not correcting.
Corrections can come later, when their thinking brain is back online. Right now, your calm presence helps to bring it back sooner.

5. Reflect afterwards, not during.
Once they’re settled, you can revisit what happened. This is the moment to help them connect behaviour, feelings, and triggers — not when they’re mid-outburst.

⭐️ Remember: you can’t logic someone out of a nervous system reaction. ⭐️

Your calm nervous system is the antidote to their overloaded one.

18/11/2025

⚔️ When words turn into weapons ⚔️

This is another common thread running through a lot of my parenting work. What happens when your highly articulate child loses it?

Usually lots of daggers, cunningly disguised as words, being thrown in your direction.

The more emotional your child gets, the more words come flying out — fast, sharp, and unstoppable.

It can feel like they’re doing it on purpose. But in reality, their brain has switched into survival mode. It’s hard to see it as an impulsive behaviour because the words feel so intentional but children often tell me that they can’t even remember what they said.

It’s much easier to recognise survival mode when the aggression is physical rather than verbal, so we often misinterpret the meaning of our most articulate children.

When the fight-flight response is triggered, the “thinking” part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) temporarily goes offline. The emotional part (the amygdala) takes over, running the show. Even for a bright, verbal child, that means logic and empathy are out of reach for a while.

So instead of using language to connect, they use it to protect.

In fight mode, words come out as arguing, shouting or blaming. In flight mode they might talk quickly, make excuses, or say whatever they think will make it stop.
It’s not manipulation. It’s self-preservation.

In those moments, reasoning or lecturing won’t help, even though they sound capable of reasoning. What helps most is calm presence, safety, and few words. Once they’re regulated, their logical brain will come back online, often with impressive insight (and sometimes regret).

Tomorrow I’ll be suggesting some strategies to manage these moments but for now please remember this, no matter how personal those words feel they are unlikely to reflect how they really feel.

12/11/2025

I know I have shared this before but I like to put it back up regularly because it is a really powerful example of how shifting our language can shift our perspective, which then shifts our experience, and more importantly our child's experience.
Credit to The MEHRIT Centre, Ltd.

06/11/2025

Absolutely agree. I see so many bright, capable, sensitive children who absolutely overwhelmed by the pressure. Some children do their best work under the pressure of exam, for others coursework is a better fit. We are all different and it's time we moved back toward a more balanced system.

The Government has announced changes to exams and the school curriculum. This is our response.

04/11/2025

When you are trying to help your child open up about how they are feeling and all they come back with is “I don’t know”

It can feel frustrating, can’t it?
It’s like hitting a very effective emotional brick wall.

But what if “I don’t know” isn’t defiance? What if it is defence?

When a child’s brain feels flooded or confused, their thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) often goes offline. They genuinely cannot find the words to explain what is going on inside. “I don’t know” becomes a safety phrase that really means, “I can’t reach that part of my brain right now.”

When you push for an answer that the child doesn’t have the frustration and sense of disconnect increases. The reality is children often don’t know what is behind their behaviour.

Instead of pushing for an answer, accept their truth and use it as a springing off point to encourage their curiosity and self-awareness. Here’s some questions you could respond by

1. Normalising the uncertainty

These responses take the pressure off and show that not knowing is okay.

“It’s fine not to know. We can figure it out together.”

2. Shifting from thinking to feeling

Helps the child move out of their head and back into their body.

“What do you notice happening in your body when you think about it?”

3. Encouraging gentle curiosity

These invite exploration without pressure.

“What would happen if you did know?”

4. Offering perspective and connection

Sometimes it helps to let them borrow perspective or use examples.

“What do you think I might say if I felt that way?”

5. Supporting emotional language building

For children who struggle to label emotions, you can scaffold with options.

“Sometimes when people say ‘I don’t know’, it means they feel mixed up inside. Does that sound about right?”

6. When to pause instead

If the child looks overwhelmed, it may be better not to ask another question right away.

“You don’t need to know right now. Sometimes if we give ourselves a little space it can be easier to figure out.”

Sometimes, “I don’t know” is the brain’s pause button, not a full stop.

When we meet that moment with patience and curiosity, we teach children that it is safe not to know. That is where real emotional growth begins.

What if we treat every “I don’t know” as the beginning of the conversation rather than the end.

03/11/2025

What should you do if your children hate fireworks?

Nothing.

I love fireworks, so I’m glad my children do too, but there’s nothing wrong with someone, child or otherwise, disliking them.

For some people, fireworks night is full of sparkle and excitement. For others, it’s pure overwhelm. The sudden bangs, flashing lights and unpredictability can send a sensitive nervous system into overdrive. What looks like panic, anger or refusal is often the body’s automatic “danger” response.

When the brain senses threat, the survival system takes over. Heart racing, muscles tense, thinking brain switched off. This isn’t a choice; it’s biology. For children who are highly sensitive, have sensory differences, or who already live with anxiety, fireworks can feel genuinely frightening rather than fun.

If your child struggles on nights like this, it’s not bad behaviour or attention-seeking. It’s their brain doing its best to protect them. Meeting that reaction with empathy rather than frustration helps their nervous system find safety again.

A few ways to help:

• Prepare ahead. Talk about what fireworks are, what they sound like, and why people use them. Watch short clips together so they know what to expect, and agree on a plan for the night.

• Offer choices. Some children feel calmer watching from a window with ear defenders or headphones. Others may prefer to stay indoors with a film or music playing. Letting them choose gives a sense of control.

• If they do want to go, have an exit plan. Knowing they can leave at any time can reduce anxiety before you’ve even arrived.

And if you decide to skip the fireworks entirely, that’s not giving in. It’s respecting your child’s limits and helping them feel safe in a world that can sometimes be too loud and too bright.

21/10/2025

It's generally part of my job to know what kids are talking about, and why, but this whole 6-7 seems too ridiculous even for me. However I do like to share content that could be of interest to parents here's a bit of a rundown. Disclaimer: I've read it, I still don't get it!!!

It originated in a rap song, then featured in South Park, and is now the bane of schoolteachers in the US and UK as pupils shout it out at random. How did it become such a thing?