Talk To Danny Counselling

17/12/2025

As we go into the theoretically festive period, please remember that you are not broken if you don't enjoy Christmas.

You are not wrong, or being difficult, and you don't owe people Christmas cheer.

You don't owe anyone an explanation about why you're not feeling it.

You do owe yourself the chance to rest if you can, to give yourself permission to feel bad, feel good, feel nothing, without judging yourself for it.

When you're ready, you can find someone who will listen as you inhale, and stay with you while you yell.

Be gentle with yourself,

Danny

Websites and numbers if you need urgent help and are in danger from yourself or others:

999 or go to A&E

116123 - Samaritans

Text "SHOUT" to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line or text "YM" if you are under 19

If you are under 19 you can also talk to Childline on 08001111

For mental health support which is -not- an imminent crisis:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/planning-for-a-crisis/ - This is a great resource if you know you are likely to experience poor mental health in the next few weeks. Mind also have useful information for either self-help or getting external support in your area.

03003047000 - SANEline - sane.org.uk can provide support by phone, text or email, for adults and minors.

03/09/2025

Understanding Expectations and their effect on Mental Health

As a person-centered counsellor with a passion for supporting others, I often see how expectations, both our own and those of others, can shape our mental health. Expectations are natural; they give us direction and motivation. But when they become unrealistic or rigid, they can lead to disappointment, frustration, guilt, shame, which if left unchecked, may lead to serious mental health struggles.

So, how do we assess whether our expectations are realistic and healthy? And why is it important to do so?

Firstly, most of us could do with recognising that everyone is human (including ourselves) and nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. When we set unrealistic standards like expecting constant perfection from ourselves or others, we set ourselves up for distress and hurt.

One helpful step is to pause and ask: Is this expectation realistic? To do this, we might ask ourselves a few questions:

1. Is this expectation based on facts or assumptions?

2. Can I or others realistically meet this standard given current circumstances?

3. What are the possible consequences of holding onto this expectation?

4. What are the consequences if I let it go?

5. Am I flexible enough to adapt if things don’t go as planned?

By reflecting on these questions, we become more aware of whether an expectation is healthy or if it might need adjusting.
Remember, holding onto rigid expectations can be exhausting and isolating. It can lead us to judge ourselves harshly or feel disappointed in others, which eats away at our mental resilience. Instead, we can try cultivating compassion toward ourselves and others, creating a more supportive environment for us all.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by expectations, try to take a gentle step back. Practice kindness and patience with yourself. Sometimes we must adjust our expectations or let go of the unrealistic ones to give ourselves peace and clarity.

The path towards mental well-being begins with understanding ourselves better; one expectation at a time. And if you're ever unsure or need guidance, reaching out for support is a brave and healthy choice.

18/06/2025

Let’s talk about resilience, or fortitude.

These are words we hear quite often, but we don’t always get the opportunity to think about what they mean to us, or whether we have sufficient resilience to handle what life throws our way.

Resilience isn’t just a stiff upper lip and getting on with it, it’s about having the inner resources to be able to support ourselves and recover well when life is challenging.

Building our own resilience can also support those around us to become more resilient, because when we’re resilient, we have more capacity to support others.

When you think about your resilience being low, what do you feel?

For many people, it’s low self-esteem and harsh self-talk – your inner critic telling you that you don’t deserve good things, or that you just can’t cope with what’s happening.

If you’re in that state, please know that you can build your capacity for resilience. It takes time and effort to dismantle the scaffold of negativity you’ve built your self-image on, but change is possible.

Naturally, as a counsellor I believe that counselling can be a powerful way to explore where your self-esteem comes from and support you to strengthen it. Counselling can also support you to understand and manage your self-sabotaging patterns, making it easier to respond differently in the future.

Outside of counselling there are practical things you can do which can help bolster your self-esteem and your resilience:

1) Work on communicating kindly with yourself
2) Practise communicating your needs to safe, supportive people
3) Spend time with people who improve your life
4) Make yourself your priority – nourishment, rest and self-care are necessary parts of your life
5) Build activities into your life which support you to feel capable, confident, and connected
6) Check in with your thoughts – are your thoughts true, or your fears given a voice?
7) Accept that sometimes you don’t have control, and that is both normal and ok

Resilience is something we built over time - we all work on it day in, day out. Once it’s part of your life, it is harder to lose. Life will still challenge you, but you will be better equipped to face it and not only survive, but thrive.

If you’re struggling with what’s happening around you, you are not alone.
If you would like support in strengthening your resilience through counselling, I would be honoured to work with you.

09/06/2025

In counselling, I often talk about boundaries at the start of the therapeutic relationship.

So many of us have experienced relationships with unhealthy boundaries, and when a boundary has been let go of, it can feel really difficult to get that sense of control back.

A lot of people think that having strong boundaries means you say no to everything, that you’re rude, or that it stops you having close relationships, but that is not true.

Healthy boundaries take time, effort, and consistency to develop and maintain, but over time they help rebuild your trust in yourself, and can lead to much healthier relationships with others.

It can look as simple as:

• Not answering the phone when you’re in the middle of something
• Saying no when someone who never reciprocates asks for a favour
• Taking time before responding to a request you’re unsure about

Simple to say, but hard to stick to, especially if you’re someone who often finds it easier to go along with things to avoid drama, and then ends up feeling upset with yourself later.

If this sounds familiar to you, the linked article is a good starting point, and if you’d like to explore boundaries further in counselling, I’m always happy to help you work through it; one step at a time.

Yes, you can be in a healthy relationship and not feel exhausted and burned out all of the time.

04/06/2025

I came across this article from The Guardian that resonates with how I approach counselling. It reminds us that therapy isn’t about quick “life hacks” or simple fixes — it’s about holding space for the complexity of our experiences and finding solutions that are often both simpler and more profound than we expect.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the pressure to “just get better” fast, this is a refreshing perspective that honours the slower, deeper journey of healing and self-understanding.

Take a moment to read it — and if it sparks anything for you, I’m here to listen.

What we want is quick, clever fixes. What we need is quite different: the ability to tolerate intolerable feelings, to sustainably change and grow

02/06/2025

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true — it's called life.”
— Terry Pratchett

Hi, I’m Danny (they/them), and I’m so glad you’re here. Life moves fast, and sometimes it feels like we’re just trying to keep up; carrying pain, questions, and identities that need space to be understood.

I offer person-centred counselling online or by phone, creating a warm, inclusive space where adults from all walks of life, including neurodivergent, trans, and disabled people, can feel truly seen and heard.

Whether you’re exploring your identity, facing anxiety, navigating relationships, or just seeking clarity, you don’t have to do it alone.

I’ll be sharing reflections, support, and resources here, and you’re very welcome to reach out anytime, or just follow along quietly.

Thank you for stopping by — your journey matters. 💜